How to make friends 😊

[WonderingOneOfAll]

Hello
I realise this may sound a bit pathetic but as the title says:how do I make friends?

I am not very talker, don’t like when people complain and feel most “friends “ just need someone to moan to . I consider myself as someone direct and blunt. (Autistic??)
I prefer to look if you have problems think what can be done to solve them or change.

Thank you for your suggestions

Get some new hobbies. Join some clubs. Volunteer somewhere, preferably in your local community.
Try generally to be a little more talkative than you are. Say hello to people.

Good luck.

Ask loads of questions, and when people speak, listen and appear interested

What do you bring to potential friendships? What kind of person are you, other than not being talkative? What kind of people are you attracted to?

The autistic people I know have quite different friendship needs and preferences from non-autistic people. The social activity that gives them the most pleasure is, I’d say, learning alongside others. You can’t just meet for a coffee and a natter as there’s not enough to do / they get bored or can’t think of what to say.

I saw a buddy today who’s likely autistic and is really happy with her life - but she is SO busy by my standards! Coaching a sports team, learning Jiu Jitsu, taking West African cooking lessons, training for a half marathon, fostering kittens. And she works full time. (No kids but 7 fairly needy pets).

Her life is full to the brim with people who care about her and value her - and she cares about them too, but has pretty much zero interest in hearing about their lives. 🤣 She’s all about doing stuff together, less about the chat. (Unless the chat is about the stuff they’re doing together).

My hunch is she’s found a lot of people who she clicks with, as well as some she would count as close friends but who think of her as an acquaintance from a hobby. She’s happy though.

If you’re not the sort of dynamo my friend is (and not many people are!) there will be plenty of other less high octane activities and hobby groups where you’ll meet your people.

My mother encouraged me to be a friend to the people around me rather than looking for friends. It’s worked pretty well so far. Hope it works for you too

I think that risks being incredibly unhealthy and setting you up as a people-pleaser who exchanges services for friendship.

I think you’re reading too much into it. It can really help for people who are socially anxious to think in terms of actively ‘being a friend’ - saying hello, smiling at someone, inviting someone for coffee - rather than just sitting there passively waiting for someone to choose you and include you.

Hello I understand I am told I am too blunt etc but hey we are who we are also autistic/adhd xxxz