Work 'romance' turned ick - what do I do?

[Sanfrancoco]

Need some advice. A new colleague started about a year ago, he is cute and I'll admit I fancied him - not a huge fancy, just a 'nice to look at' fancy. Didn't act on anything because we work together. We didn't speak much but fast forward a couple months, he began messaging me a lot on teams around Easter, nothing major just 'morning/how are you' etc, I thought it was a little weird because we didn't talk much in person but thought maybe he's just trying to make new friends (he was very introverted in his first few months and I kinda forgot about him tbh). Anyway, we end up adding each other on social media as I was going away in summer to a destination he's interested in and he wanted to see holiday pics (my suggestion to add me) which obviously increased the contact between us. By this point he is messaging me every day on teams and replying to most of what I post on socials so we're constantly talking and a bit of mutual flirting. I was actually starting to like this guy so when he asked if he could take my number out the group chat and message me I said yes. We we're texting for a couple of weeks but I then developed major ick and decided there is nothing to pursue so started being a little distant/short responses hoping he'd pick up on the vibe and stop messaging me. Sadly he hasn't and is still messaging me via teams/text almost every day. Today he said he checks my teams status every day to see when I'm online and always asks when I'm in the office (a certain song comes to mind lol). Any advice? I don't want to involve management and I don't think he would stalk me in real life or anything. I don't know whether I should say anything because nothing really started or happened between us but I suspect he still thinks there's a chance and there isn't but I don't know whether to say anything or just continue being a bit distant and hope that he eventually gets the hint??

The whole thing sounds a bit dysfunctional to me. Half of me wonders if he's the one for you (wouldn't be for me, but just as well we don't all want the same bloke), the other half wonders how you got into this mess (work is for work, not friends).

My view is likely a minority, but I think that you definitely mishandled this, you definitely overstepped what the workplace is for, but then didn't follow through into a relationship.

You now need to do one or the other. My first thought was to meet up outside work, and during the date decide one or the other depending upon how he behaves, and tell him ("we need to stop this"/"lets date").

The constant, repetitive dry questions and responses and extreme social awkwardness makes it sound like he might be on the spectrum. I had a female colleague like this years ago, she was autistic and in her 50s but would develop very intense crushes on men, thinking that them responding to her (in mundane issues) was a sign they liked her back. She'd literally get tongue tied in their presence and get really flustered. She needed a fair amount of help in navigating this behaviour as it had an impact on everyone.
OP please do not lead this man on, make it very clear you have no romantic feelings towards him. He is clearly not understanding you.

Should be an easy enough fix this one, just drop it into a conversation somewhere that you’re dating / met someone / interested in someone. That should give him the hint

Don’t lie, because you then have to continue with the ridiculous fiction and it’s very dishonest. Take him off all of your socials and when he asks why, merge it into the advice about how you aren’t happy with the (extreme!) level of contact outside of work, it just isn’t appropriate.

I wouldn't say i was dating (I mean, in my case, half the office knows I've been dating, so for me, it would hardly be letting the cat out of the bag, but...) If you're actively dating, it indicates you're on the market and available, and so why not him rather than others?

I would say, I am often busy and can't respond to messages quickly, especially if they're not directly about work, so please don't hassle me if I haven't answered.

If I could work out how to do it tactfully, I'd work out some version of, "bloody hell, your conversation skills are rubbish, and you are quite boring," but as you can see, it needs quite bit of work. Although being that blunt and rude would probably put a stop to it.

As for Teams rather than face-to-face- it depends. I do chat to colleagues on Teams when we're in different parts of the building. Sometimes that carries on even when we're back together. But we do also chat face-to-face, it's not one or the other.

Yep lay it flat on him . Most men appreciate direct.and don’t care for games