Could you go missing without a trace?

[IAmKerplunk]

Following on from the Murder thread on AIBU it got me thinking. Do you think you could leave your life behind - family, friends, job etc and start a whole new life? I don’t mean emotionally/mentally - purely practically without being found by those who know you? Or has anyone on here done that?

No. Pretty difficult to go missing without a trace in my country as everything is so joined up - I wouldn't be able to rent a flat or see a nurse/doctor without being found, and I don't have enough money to live off savings so I'd have to work which would also mean I'd be found.
That said, someone in my local area did go 'missing' for years and then was found again 13 years later in the same place.

I easily could, if I was single. If you mean not in an on the run from the authorities sense but just starting a new life. I've moved many times and never kept any connections to my previous location. In a way I'm a new person in each new place. I've changed my name three times, legally. I could be tracked maybe if any could be bothered but I'm wandering not running so no-one would bother. I don't have friends, my only family are ones I am the instigator of contact with they wouldn't/couldn't look for me. As long as you end things correctly like resign from your job, close accounts and end your tenancy, there's no reason for anyone to look for you.

I think the mistake people make is leaving loose ends. You've got to tie everything up so each person who might wonder where you've gone has a satisfactory explanation or your business with them has been closed so there is no-one to join the the dots and realise you've completely gone. I guess in most cases though people are running away from something so they can't do this and the mystery causes people to get involved in searching that wouldn't be interested at all if you'd simply told them you were moving house.

It really was - really made me think, you know?

I believe it was this one: https://share.google/MtgpIkWYRnLFlT8WB

If its just in a start a new life sense, and the police aren't massively looking for me, then yes I reckon I could

The question is not really "could I disappear" the question is would anyone who cares about me be capable of looking well enough. My DH is very much of the opinion that everything resolves itself without him needing to do anything, so it's going to take him a good while before a) he acknowledges that something is actually wrong and b) he needs to do something about it. Without me there to ask should he ring the police, and do I want him to do it now, it might take a while, especially once you take into account he's only got his lunch breaks, because he wouldn't want to let down his boss just because his wife's disappeared.

My family normally take a good 12-18 months to sort anything administrative, I'm not sure they've ever successfully booked a GP appointment. They would be very worried but by the time they've actually got round to calling the police I've had plenty of time to sort a new identity.

So as long as I haven't committed a crime I reckon I could just move the next town over.

15 years ago,my useless ex walked out of my house,down the street,stopped and waved and then just vanished

His family (well his brother) often plead for his return in fb groups and newspapers (they are not a very close family,but they are worried about him)

He used pop around to see our dc every week first month's and then you wouldn't see him for two years or so,then he'd knock on the door and act like he'd seen you the week before

He'd popped around,said he'd see the dc the following week and nobody has seen him since

He'll be alive,for whatever reason hes gone off grid and nobody knows where he is

Apparently people who try to 'disappear' (hiding for nefarious reasons) usually go to a place where they have been before or have some knowledge of - even it was in passing like where they holidayed as a kid.

Its supposedly rare for people to just stick a pin in a map and this is how people usually get found. Makes sense though if you are running away, that's very distablising so going somewhere that you have a rough idea of what it is like makes sense.

I would imagine that would be hard as not many jobs are cash in hand. So you would need a bank account which would be traced.

Like a previous poster I would have trouble disappearing because of medical conditions. However, I have changed country in the past and just told my new gp what medications I was taking and that was good enough, so I guess it would be doable. I had paid for a copy of my notes before leaving the UK but never needed to hand them over (which was fortunate because they were in a box that didn't get unpacked for months).

I think the way to go would be to move to a country that is a bit disorganised or has inefficient bureaucracy that will do a residential visa with an investment sum, eg Costa Rica or Malaysia. That takes money obviously and it would be traceable that you moved to the particular country, but once inside the country you could change to a different city from your official address and would be much harder to trace.

A contact in the underworld is what's needed. Someone who will supply fake everything to start a new life as if it was always that life. If you have the money to do it, that's the way to go.

Most other attempts are useless in the long run for all the reasons already mentioned.

If I didn’t have my 2 kids I’d bin my mobile, and only have a land line phone. I hate the mobile.

If I didn’t have kids I’d pack myself of and run away to the beach.

if I didn’t have kids I would also be cat free (we have 3)

if I didn’t have kids I’d sleep in all weekend

if I didn’t have kids I’d go to bed early

I do have kids - 1 adult DS and a DD whose 16. So my time will come along soon enough. I’ll be at the beach doing nothing and enjoying me, myself and I.
I might even get a dog.

I think this is the "Murder" thread on AIBU for those interested.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5423234-murder?page=1

Ah ok, so you would tell your partner your phone is about to run out of battery and you have left your charger at home so he won't be able to contact you for 3 days.

But won't your partner ask you if your parents have a charger or if you can buy one?

Wouldn't he try to contact your parents on either their mobile phones or their landline?

I did a cyber security course that gave me some decent pointers to the criminal underworld 😂

Not in the style of “hunted” cos the police etc have access to resources they use if you are vulnerable and /or have committed a crime

I believe it’s possible to disappear from my very small family one Dsis and one adult child, remote cousins, and I have a couple of friends but not really close.the police wouldn’t be looking for me.

I think it would be too difficult to do these days.

Take Nicholas Rossi who became Arthur Knight, faked his own death, fled from the USA and turned up in Scotland, yes he was spotted by Interpol, extradited back to the USA and admitted he was not 'Arthur Knight' but Rossi.

What I want to know, and nowhere has mentioned, is how did he leave the USA and arrive into the UK? Presumably fake passports wouldn't 'work' these days. I would imagine it's impossible to not be seen on flight lists etc.

I'd gain or lose 3 stone and shave my head

You'd look totally different

Back in the 90s my mum said she was going to her mum (3 hours away) for a few days but said because she was tired she wasn’t going to drive but instead take public transport. She had a mobile phone (an old brick one) but didn’t take it with her. Nobody checked she arrived there, nana wasn’t expecting her. She would have had a 24hour head start to get anywhere if she had actually left our house so could have got anywhere. But less cctv in those days.

My father did this in 1968. Disappeared one day, not been seen since.
FIL did it in 1952, ran away to Australia, working his way there on ships, then disappeared, reappearing, being caught, deported and repeatedly absconding. Disappeared. Eventually uncovered when in a nursing home.

A friend's father did this around 30 ish years ago. He was a standard dad, not unkind or troubled, lovely home, family, good job etc. He disappeared and was assumed dead, they guessed he'd gone for a hike and slipped or had come into some trouble. His obituary coming up in a google search was quite a shock! He'd moved to a neighbouring country, lived in solitude but locals got to know him (or the story he told him) and they had posted his death notice and obituary online in an attempt to let his 'estranged' family know. Sadly there were no answers to years of questions, and there's still no proof he even died.

About 20 years ago, I read a book about someone who did this, it was pure fiction, the character ran away to Greece and I've fantasised about doing something similar ever since!

I think the only way to do this would be to change identity totally. New name, passport, driving licence, bank accounts etc. then you could work, rent somewhere, keep hidden but not off grid.

I wonder how hard getting all of that would be? Then somehow getting your money and assets out of your old persona into your new one…

I wouldn’t because I think it’s very cruel to your family. But I also don’t think I could, I’m not rich enough.

From my kids absolutely not because they seek me out even when I’ve hid in the garage for 5 mins peace.
everyone else absolutely… I’ve watched enough programmes, documentary’s to be able to pull it off

About 15 years I up left the area I was born in and lived in.
my mother was a addict who abused me in every way possible and father not on the scene.
I was heading the same way as her addiction wise, aswell as struggling with self harming because of my alcohol and addiction issues I was in my early 20s.
everyone in the area knew me as “her” daughter so I had no chance.
I tried to commit suicide but it failed, (very thankful it did now) i had just had enough I didn’t want to live like that anymore and knew if I kept up that lifestyle in the area I lived I would end up dead. I had always dreamt of having a family, a husband a “normal” life.

so I left my flat, deleted all social media. Through away my SIM card (that was when it was proper SIM cards not e sims)
I went to the civic Centre in another area quite far away told them I had addiction issues, been raised with abuse etc. And they were amazing. I was placed in a Centrepoint. From there I was housed, I used a different surname, then when I had enough money I changed it formally by deed poll and applied for benefits. Centrepoint helped me with all of this they were amazing. They also got me psychological help for my issues. They fed me, they got me clothes because I arrived with what I had on my back and a printed out map of how to find them from the Civic Centre, they taught me how to cook and clean and basic self hygiene. I doubt I was ever reported missing or if I was the police didn’t bother to look for me.

Once in my own little flat I found a sense of peace I had never ever had. I slept like I had never slept before. I found a job, met an amazing man. Made normal friends.
I have told my husband about my past and the full story in detail. He doesn’t blame me for what I did. We now have 3 amazing children, a proper home, pets!
Due to my past I do have mental health issues such as PTSD and anxiety disorder. But I deal with that, it’s a small price to pay I would rather deal with that then have the old life I did. I still have no social media and have no want to plus the fact I’m scared someone sees my picture and makes contact.
I now have my husbands name because we are married and my marriage certificate doesn’t have any parents on. I am so grateful for all the help with center point and lucky that my husband “gets it”