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Original poster

Could you go missing without a trace?

100 replies

IAmKerplunk · 07/10/2025 11:49

Following on from the Murder thread on AIBU it got me thinking. Do you think you could leave your life behind - family, friends, job etc and start a whole new life? I don’t mean emotionally/mentally - purely practically without being found by those who know you? Or has anyone on here done that?

OP posts:
ARichtGoodDram · 07/10/2025 16:02

I could have before DH and I met.

My parents were abusive alcoholics and drug addicts so I lived with my grandparents. Grandad died when I was 12. Nana when I was 20. I was NC with my siblings very soon after. No extended family contact.

Could easily have just gone off and created a new life.

Not now though. DH has a huge family as PIL were one of 15 and one of 9. There is nowhere in the UK that you don't risk bumping into a cousin of some sort 😂 BIL is also a PI so I'd have no chance of hiding.

I think it must be virtually impossible now with CCTV and social media. I got kicked off a Missing person Facebook group a while back for pointing out that people eagerly helping a man looking for his missing sister (but no police involvement) could be helping an abusive man track his escaped ex. Literally 40/50 people were combing social media for any trace of the woman just on him posting and asking

ChrisMartinsKisskam · 07/10/2025 16:03

SoloSofa24 · 07/10/2025 15:18

That was a plot line in a BBC drama series a few years back. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mistresses_(British_TV_series)

I am sure I have seen it used elsewhere in fiction too, so no doubt someone has at least tried it in real life.

Show quote history

dead man’s footsteps by Peter James

write a book about a guy who fakes his death in the twin towers

he also kills both of his ex wives who are born found and one is identified by her breast implants 😂

SomersetBrie · 07/10/2025 16:03

I think about this sometimes. Getting on a train with my phone, getting off without it as phone heads to Inverness and I jump on a train south with my "new" nokia.
Then I get a ferry to France and head to Italy where I live in a small village teaching English or making lovely crafts on a market stall.
Couple of problems, I don't speak Italian. I also don't craft. And, I'd have to bring the cat. And honestly, I'd probably want to check up on family after a few days, make sure kids were doing their homework, etc.

Arlanymor · 07/10/2025 16:11

Some people do 'officially' disappear of course - it's called witness protection.

I remember listening to a podcast interview with a guy (possibly Frank Ahern) who does this for a living - basically it's like witness protection but not a governmental process where there has been a crime involved.

Because of all of the reasons why people have outlined it is so impossible to 'disappear' these days you have to take on a new identity and cut all ties. He provides a new offshore bank account, prepaid debit cards, prepaid mobiles, new ID, etc.

He discreetly gets them out of where they live, spends some time in a middle location where he educates them on how to ensure they stay disappeared and don't blow their cover.

Then he uses digital deception tools to make it look like they are in a completely different place before they travel to their final location. It was really interesting.

No33 · 07/10/2025 16:13

Yes, and I know how I'd do it.

I travel alone often. I just wouldn't come home.

But I'd miss my family too much 🤣

TheNinkyNonkyIsATardis · 07/10/2025 16:20

Practically, I think I could do it.

I would first get myself a van to set up as a camper - my husband knows I want to do this, so it wouldn't be a surprise.

I'd clone a few innocuous plates - the same vehicle etc, based in various locations. I'd keep the vehicle away from my house anyway, and just before, move it somewhere about 50m away under a fake plate.

I'd leave during a working day, lay a false digital trail in one direction, then hitchhike my way in the correct direction towards the camper.

The camper would be stashed with some of the cash, long life supplies, and have a solar panel and basic amenities.

I'd then bounce between covert camping, switching the plates, and using cash for purchases. I would park the camper in our of the way locations for a good while from time to time so it couldn't be used as a locator.

BIWI · 07/10/2025 16:22

How would you clone the plates though? If you need a replacement plate, don’t you have to show proof of ownership/the V5 for the vehicle?

ChocolateBoxCottage · 07/10/2025 16:26

I have a disabled child and two other kids with SEN.i don't get fed up with the kids ever, but I get fed up with dealing with professionals.

I have a very detailed plan to leave and not be traced. I'd not last long. You can hardly reinvent yourself with no I'd can you?

I'd not do it as it would upset the kids of course. And I love them very much. But I find it perversely comforting. Of course if I was my husband he could walk out with a pat on the back and a medal for coping for so long. I'm fucked as the mum. My only way out is a stroke 😄

BadgernTheGarden · 07/10/2025 16:28

My GF did it, left home young (ran away) joined the army with some concocted story went abroad with the army for years, came back to a different area and settled down. I'm still trying to track down his family for my family tree it's really difficult. There were all sorts of family stories about him, some are even true I've found.

pottylolly · 07/10/2025 16:37

My cousin did this to escape an abusive parent. He joined the army; they helped him change his name, open new accounts, new id, and set him up hundreds of miles away.

AmpleLilacQuail · 07/10/2025 16:44

Google Kim Avis, he faked his own death in California and then managed to stay hidden for 5 months. There’s a BBC doc on the story.

dicentra365 · 07/10/2025 16:48

FishwivesSalute · 07/10/2025 14:04

The problem with somewhere like that is that you can't be anonymous in a place that, however remote, has a small, interdependent population in which a new face won't go unnoticed. You'd be better off from an anonymity POV in central London, as long as you could disguise yourself sufficiently not to be recognised on CCTV.

Show quote history

I saw an interview with one of the guys from Hunted a while back and he said if he wanted to disappear he would go into the homeless community in London. I can see how that would make sense.

JetFlight · 07/10/2025 17:12

What if you officially changed your name, got updated documents and not told anyone? Would that work? You’d be travelling on a different passport.

Original poster
IAmKerplunk · 07/10/2025 17:14

Dead Man Running - just watching it on iplayer now

OP posts:
Original poster
IAmKerplunk · 07/10/2025 17:16

SomersetBrie · 07/10/2025 16:03

I think about this sometimes. Getting on a train with my phone, getting off without it as phone heads to Inverness and I jump on a train south with my "new" nokia.
Then I get a ferry to France and head to Italy where I live in a small village teaching English or making lovely crafts on a market stall.
Couple of problems, I don't speak Italian. I also don't craft. And, I'd have to bring the cat. And honestly, I'd probably want to check up on family after a few days, make sure kids were doing their homework, etc.

That sounds like my kind of plan 🤣

OP posts:
Original poster
IAmKerplunk · 07/10/2025 17:16

Arlanymor · 07/10/2025 16:11

Some people do 'officially' disappear of course - it's called witness protection.

I remember listening to a podcast interview with a guy (possibly Frank Ahern) who does this for a living - basically it's like witness protection but not a governmental process where there has been a crime involved.

Because of all of the reasons why people have outlined it is so impossible to 'disappear' these days you have to take on a new identity and cut all ties. He provides a new offshore bank account, prepaid debit cards, prepaid mobiles, new ID, etc.

He discreetly gets them out of where they live, spends some time in a middle location where he educates them on how to ensure they stay disappeared and don't blow their cover.

Then he uses digital deception tools to make it look like they are in a completely different place before they travel to their final location. It was really interesting.

That sounds fascinating - do you remember the podcast?

OP posts:
Apfelkuchen · 07/10/2025 17:17

Pollqueen · 07/10/2025 14:51

Having money is the key to a succesful vanishing act. People do disappear without trace of their own volition so it is possible

Like Lord Lucan 😄

Southlondonbynature · 07/10/2025 17:37

My sister around 15 years ago had relationship issues and left, it was 6 weeks before the police were able to put a trace on her card, then for 3 weeks running she used it at the same place on the same day at the same time, the police informed my mum of this and went to find her, it was quite a long way away

WonderingWanda · 07/10/2025 17:38

I think it would take quite a bit of planning ahead and I don't think I'd be like Jason Bourne with fake id's. I' have to travel somewhere (using my passport) with a lot of wilderness (like Canada) and then go and live in the wild, maybe I could join a remote tribe and hide out with them so I don't die. I would probably get eaten by a bear knowing my luck.

Original poster
IAmKerplunk · 07/10/2025 17:40

pottylolly · 07/10/2025 16:37

My cousin did this to escape an abusive parent. He joined the army; they helped him change his name, open new accounts, new id, and set him up hundreds of miles away.

Wow - do the army do this?

OP posts:
FinallyHere · 07/10/2025 17:42

the prospect of not using apps for parking, bank g, shopping etc really does not appeal to me Even if I wanted to, how would I even get access to money. Withdraw cash and then drive far away from that location.

as a child I fantasised about follow ‘The Jackels’ example of picking a new identity from a grave of a child of about my age who died young to furnish a whole new identity. It used to be easy, apply for a provisional driving licence I. The nes name, pass the test and …. New identity available.

it’s all sewn up tight nowadays. Spoilsports.

Saz12 · 07/10/2025 17:43

I'd have to start mugging wheezy people for their asthma inhalers, which I reckon would make me pretty obvious pretty quickly.

thisishowloween · 07/10/2025 17:47

I think you can only manage something like this if you have someone else to help or support you.

Original poster
IAmKerplunk · 07/10/2025 17:50

thisishowloween · 07/10/2025 17:47

I think you can only manage something like this if you have someone else to help or support you.

I think that is the key. You need at least one person to help you and hope that they can keep their mouth shut.

OP posts:
Ponderingwindow · 07/10/2025 17:54

I would have at most a month to get reauthorized somewhere on the expensive medications that keep me alive and that is it I could keep things refrigerated properly. I would either die or be found pretty easily.