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Original poster

Could you go missing without a trace?

100 replies

IAmKerplunk · 07/10/2025 11:49

Following on from the Murder thread on AIBU it got me thinking. Do you think you could leave your life behind - family, friends, job etc and start a whole new life? I don’t mean emotionally/mentally - purely practically without being found by those who know you? Or has anyone on here done that?

OP posts:
TattooStan · 07/10/2025 14:56

I've planned this A LOT. Not because I have any intention of doing it, but because I like the thrill of the scenario.

I could easily get a few days headroom by telling DH I was going to stay with my parents. I'd need my phone switched off at this point (I'd be switching to a burner), so I'd tell him I forgot my charger. That would give me around 3 days before the alarm was raised.

I'd also have to take my car somewhere because it would need to have left the drive way. So I'd park it down a track, concealed by thick vegetation.

I'd then be disappearing on foot, from our front door. We live in a town surrounded on all sides by tens of miles of countryside. I know where there are no cameras and hidden barns tucked away on farmers' land, which I could sleep in for days.

During this time I'd be dying my hair dark brown with a box dye purchased for cash many months earlier (you can imagine the scenes, doing a box dye job bent over a cow trough!)

I'd make my way through national parks, sleeping in bothys, wild camping and living off the land. I could certainly get away with it for a few months, before working out the longer term plan.

ChasingTheDuck · 07/10/2025 14:58

This is interesting. You see I reckon I would have no issue with the murder (getting away with it would be tricky). But I'd be lonely doing this and then I'd overshare. I think the UK is much harder than somewhere like the US to do it in. I'd be rubbish if anything involved camping though. I think I'd rather tell people to fuck off and leave me alone and get rid of people that way rather than ever sleep In a tent again.

I'm sure there was a poster on here a few years ago who had left her old life behind. She didn't say why, but if I recall correctly she let the police know and then had a completely new life. It was really interesting.

MoreDangerousThanAWomanScorned · 07/10/2025 14:59

I think the big factor will be whether anyone with resources, or who could make the sort of fuss that means they will attract resources, is looking for you. If yes, I don't think you could realistically evade detection for that long. It's too hard to live a life that doesn't leave a trace in terms of getting hold of money, buying things, etc. I think even 10 years ago it would have been a lot easier, definitely 20 or 30. I don't even know how I would get out of my local area - car means you have the numberplate recognition issue, you can't pay cash on the bus, train you can pay cash but it's covered in CCTV...

MoreDangerousThanAWomanScorned · 07/10/2025 15:03

@TattooStan I'm going to be honest - I don't think the hair dye bit of your plan is a goer! I think you'd end up giving yourself a very distinctive appearance indeed...

TattooStan · 07/10/2025 15:07

MoreDangerousThanAWomanScorned · 07/10/2025 15:03

@TattooStan I'm going to be honest - I don't think the hair dye bit of your plan is a goer! I think you'd end up giving yourself a very distinctive appearance indeed...

Maybe a wig shopping trip is on the cards instead...

PeggySue1988 · 07/10/2025 15:10

TattooStan · 07/10/2025 14:56

I've planned this A LOT. Not because I have any intention of doing it, but because I like the thrill of the scenario.

I could easily get a few days headroom by telling DH I was going to stay with my parents. I'd need my phone switched off at this point (I'd be switching to a burner), so I'd tell him I forgot my charger. That would give me around 3 days before the alarm was raised.

I'd also have to take my car somewhere because it would need to have left the drive way. So I'd park it down a track, concealed by thick vegetation.

I'd then be disappearing on foot, from our front door. We live in a town surrounded on all sides by tens of miles of countryside. I know where there are no cameras and hidden barns tucked away on farmers' land, which I could sleep in for days.

During this time I'd be dying my hair dark brown with a box dye purchased for cash many months earlier (you can imagine the scenes, doing a box dye job bent over a cow trough!)

I'd make my way through national parks, sleeping in bothys, wild camping and living off the land. I could certainly get away with it for a few months, before working out the longer term plan.

Why would you need your phone switched off if you are visiting your parents?

Original poster
IAmKerplunk · 07/10/2025 15:11

ChasingTheDuck · 07/10/2025 14:58

This is interesting. You see I reckon I would have no issue with the murder (getting away with it would be tricky). But I'd be lonely doing this and then I'd overshare. I think the UK is much harder than somewhere like the US to do it in. I'd be rubbish if anything involved camping though. I think I'd rather tell people to fuck off and leave me alone and get rid of people that way rather than ever sleep In a tent again.

I'm sure there was a poster on here a few years ago who had left her old life behind. She didn't say why, but if I recall correctly she let the police know and then had a completely new life. It was really interesting.

I would love to hear from someone who did it and how they managed it

OP posts:
ThreePears · 07/10/2025 15:15

Not now, but I think I could have done if I'd wanted to. A long time ago I was single, and had no surviving relatives. Apart from my employer and assorted friends, there wouldn't have been anyone to notice I was gone, and I doubt they'd have tried all that hard to find me. It was also pre-social media etc so I wouldn't have been traceable that way.

TattooStan · 07/10/2025 15:15

PeggySue1988 · 07/10/2025 15:10

Why would you need your phone switched off if you are visiting your parents?

Show quote history

Because I wouldn't be visiting my parents - that's a cover - I'd be making my escape. So I'd need my phone switched off to make sure it didn't reveal my last known location as actually being at home.

BauhausOfEliott · 07/10/2025 15:16

Depends whether you mean going missing so that friends/family couldn’t find you, or going missing so that the police couldn’t find you. The first one is actually easier than most people think. The second one is much harder.

Namechagergamechangwr91 · 07/10/2025 15:17

IAmKerplunk · 07/10/2025 11:49

Following on from the Murder thread on AIBU it got me thinking. Do you think you could leave your life behind - family, friends, job etc and start a whole new life? I don’t mean emotionally/mentally - purely practically without being found by those who know you? Or has anyone on here done that?

I kinda have. Literally 1 friend from my old life knows where I live, but she has been my friend for over 20 years

I fled DV 8 almost 8 years ago, I literally left everything in my house and just took me and my babies. He was found guilty in court, He still has no clue what area I'm in ( not for lack of trying )

SoloSofa24 · 07/10/2025 15:18

FannyGotobed · 07/10/2025 14:23

I often wonder if anyone used a big disaster like 9/11 or the Boxing Day tsunami to disappear? So many people went missing on those days that if you wanted to I'm sure you could walk away and everyone would assume you'd been killed.

That was a plot line in a BBC drama series a few years back. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mistresses_(British_TV_series)

I am sure I have seen it used elsewhere in fiction too, so no doubt someone has at least tried it in real life.

Mademetoxic · 07/10/2025 15:18

TattooStan · 07/10/2025 14:56

I've planned this A LOT. Not because I have any intention of doing it, but because I like the thrill of the scenario.

I could easily get a few days headroom by telling DH I was going to stay with my parents. I'd need my phone switched off at this point (I'd be switching to a burner), so I'd tell him I forgot my charger. That would give me around 3 days before the alarm was raised.

I'd also have to take my car somewhere because it would need to have left the drive way. So I'd park it down a track, concealed by thick vegetation.

I'd then be disappearing on foot, from our front door. We live in a town surrounded on all sides by tens of miles of countryside. I know where there are no cameras and hidden barns tucked away on farmers' land, which I could sleep in for days.

During this time I'd be dying my hair dark brown with a box dye purchased for cash many months earlier (you can imagine the scenes, doing a box dye job bent over a cow trough!)

I'd make my way through national parks, sleeping in bothys, wild camping and living off the land. I could certainly get away with it for a few months, before working out the longer term plan.

CCTV would pick up your car on roads and then people would be able to potentially guess where you have gone? (Heard of Google maps?)

StJulian2023 · 07/10/2025 15:19

I really, really wish I could.

Original poster
IAmKerplunk · 07/10/2025 15:19

@Namechagergamechangwr91oh wow! That must have been so tough for you but glad you are safe now.
Do you have extended family? Do you feel you are still living with one eye over your shoulder?

OP posts:
RobinTheCavewoman · 07/10/2025 15:31

Does anyone have a link to the murder thread? I had a look but no joy.

EllieQ · 07/10/2025 15:33

I think it would be hard to do now given all the ways to track people - CCTV, ANPR cameras, Ring doorbells etc. It would also be harder to just use cash now as so many places are cashless.

I read a mystery book a few years ago where the main character’s wife went missing without a trace. It changed the character POV halfway through so you could understand why she had done it. She’d built up a stash of cash using cashback at supermarkets, and I think she’d found a landlord who would let her pay upfront in cash, found a cash in hand job, and perhaps set up a fake ID so she could get a bank account. It was really interesting but annoyingly I can’t remember the name!

Original poster
IAmKerplunk · 07/10/2025 15:38

RobinTheCavewoman · 07/10/2025 15:31

Does anyone have a link to the murder thread? I had a look but no joy.

I can’t link but it is on AIBU and simply titled Murder

OP posts:
ChubbyPuffling · 07/10/2025 15:45

My brother disappeared for 20 years. My mum almost had a heart attack when he walked up the path.

He went to the harbour, got a job as cook on a trawler heading for Spain, (no questions asked) jumped ship, got a cook/maintenance job on a tanker heading to Cyprus. Jumped ship in Malta on the way back... was a "help" in a tourist restaurant, met a woman, settled, got married, had 2 kids - told her all about his family, she was horrified and made him go see his poor old mum.
It was quite the reunion, made the papers and everything. They are all living near London now.

Original poster
IAmKerplunk · 07/10/2025 15:48

Bloody hell @ChubbyPuffling did he ever give a reason why he never got in touch? How is your relationship with him now?

OP posts:
AndreaMarvell · 07/10/2025 15:52

IAmKerplunk · 07/10/2025 11:49

Following on from the Murder thread on AIBU it got me thinking. Do you think you could leave your life behind - family, friends, job etc and start a whole new life? I don’t mean emotionally/mentally - purely practically without being found by those who know you? Or has anyone on here done that?

Sometimes I think I might like to!!

ChubbyPuffling · 07/10/2025 15:54

IAmKerplunk · 07/10/2025 15:48

Bloody hell @ChubbyPuffling did he ever give a reason why he never got in touch? How is your relationship with him now?

He'd flunked his exams, got drunk, broke some windows in town and couldn't face anyone, then as time went by, it was easy to just not bother.

We phone occasionally, he came to my wedding, but not a very close relationship really.

JetFlight · 07/10/2025 15:55

I think you could. You would be traceable til France. Then you could wear a wig and get across France then depending on your colouring, hitch various lifts or pay someone to drive you across countries to go to a country where you could blend in. Eastern Europe, Middle East, Africa.
Then have a skill like teaching English and work in a small town. Giving a fake name of course. Hopefully cash in hand.

BreakfastOfChampignons · 07/10/2025 15:57

Nah, I could go to the moon and my kid would still find me.

I guess my sister did though. Left home at 16, no one had any contact other than sporadic texts. Reported missing to police, they tracked her down and confirmed alive and well case closed but couldn't tell us where. Eventually contact dwindled to nothing. No social media presence, no one in contact. Then several years later came back and had during that time had transitioned to male. We're now closer than ever and he is happier than ever. The means justified the end.

YourAmberWriter · 07/10/2025 16:02

This is of course assuming anyone would bother to look for you.