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Original poster

Inspired by another thread - are you full time, part time, SAHM and how old are your kids

107 replies

Iampondering · 05/10/2025 08:15

Obviously what works for everyone is different, and I’m not looking to cast judgement on anyone else’s decisions in life!
Now my DC is 7, I am surprised however to be only one of two full timers out of my close group of friends. The other 5 range from 2-3 days a week. No SAHM in our circle though.
I was PT until school then shifted to FT then.
Just being nosy and wondering what’s the norm for other friendship groups, and is there a shift as DC get older?

OP posts:
Chasingsquirrels · 05/10/2025 08:44

Part time since after dc1.
'Kids' are now 23 & 19.

user593 · 05/10/2025 08:44

I’m a SAHM, children are nearly 2 and 5. I went back to full time work after DC1 but not after DC2. DP has a very demanding job which is thankfully extremely well paid. I’m not too sure when I’ll go back.

WhiteJeans7 · 05/10/2025 08:45

I work PT from home, 15 hours over 3 days. DD is nearly 6. In an ideal world, I would like to work a bit more than that (probably 3 full days a week), but circumstances don't allow.

DD needs a bit of extra support in school, on pathway for an autism assessment (Yr 1 has been ok so far but Reception was very difficult) and I'm only fairly recently in remission from cancer. My instinct has always been to push myself to the limit and that hasn't served me well - I'm having to conserve my energy to have 'enough' left to give everything else in my life, and have some left for me too.

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Families
gianfrancogorgonzola · 05/10/2025 08:50

I started my own business when they were 3 and 6. They are now almost 18 and 15. But was completing all the training when they were babies / toddlers etc just not bringing in any money!

Life got a lot easier as soon as we added extra income particularly as we didn’t upgrade any aspect of our lives in response.

Sprogonthetyne · 05/10/2025 08:51

SAHM to 6&8 year old. However the eldest is disabled and the youngest also has send, so technically I'm a carer. Also their farther "couldn't cope with their needs", so it's just me, so working isn't really an option (send specific child care would cost way more then I would make)

Meadowfinch · 05/10/2025 08:53

I've worked full time since I finished maternity leave (16 years).

DS and I have lived by ourselves since he was 2 (we left ex). I haven't had any help except when I was ill (bc, surgery, chemo, radio) when my lovely dsis came to stay for the week of each chemo because I couldn't drive ds to the school bus.

It can be done, it just takes military grade planning. 😁 Now ds is 17, I have so much freedom, it's delicious. 😊

My closest friends - one worked full time like me (hopeless husband), one gave up work and lived on benefits (husband left), one was a sahm until her youngest went to senior school (high earner husband).

RedSkyatNight25 · 05/10/2025 08:54

I do 21 hours over 4 days, sometimes 5. Kids are 4 and 6. I do all the school runs etc though. Hats off to those who do more. My kids would struggle doing before and afterschool club everyday. I know some have to.

Edited to add I also do some self employed stuff for our business at home that’s a side line for me and DH. So I do do more - I just never see that as “work” in quite the same way.

Mufflette · 05/10/2025 08:55

DS is 3 and I work 4 days. Of my friends, the ones that work full time either teach or work long shifts so they're working full time over fewer days. The others work between 2-4 days.

redemptionwoes · 05/10/2025 08:56

Single mum - verily little contact with ex - 3 kids. Worked full time since they were each 20 weeks old. I know a couple of STAHM with school age children but the majority work but that’s not unusual in my profession which is a professional one. The part timers/ STAHM tend to have been the low wage unskilled ones pre kids

lampshadez · 05/10/2025 08:56

3 days a week, youngest dc is 8.

i cant see myself ever working full time tbh.

distinctpossibility · 05/10/2025 08:56

I work 26 hours term-time only from home and I'm maxed out emotionally and physically. Ideally would do 22.5 hours but I can't fit my work into less time.

We have 4 kids aged 6 to 13, eldest is disabled. I genuinely cannot be arsed with work 90% of the time, it's so unimportant compared to my real life (kids, husband, volunteering roles, my own parents and grandparents, friends, good food, exercise).

I have wrestled for years with the idea of not being productive enough and the scales fell from my eyes during covid about the pace of modern life. Why is it important to show your kids a work ethic but not to model leaving things behind that don't serve you? Why is it aspirational to model women in engineering but not men in caring? Why the literal fuck are humans already using AI to create art and poetry and not to fucking simplify the shit to free us up to create our own art?

I'm so completely over it all, while I'm at work I will give 100% but I am not hustling for more pay/ better jobs any more.

BlueberryLatte · 05/10/2025 08:56

I work 5 days a week, but term time only which I think makes me part time. Among friends with children, I know a mix. A few full timers and some part time, a couple of sahms and one person who does something very, very part time. Like just the odd governors meeting. Our kids are primary age.

At work, my colleagues who work just a few days a week tend to be a little bit older and I guess on higher salaries so can get away with it. Their kids are grown up

lampshadez · 05/10/2025 09:00

and the fact that teenagers need their parents just as much if not more, in some ways

I have always been told that & it's one reason I worked after having dc as opposed to not working. So I could stay p/t for longer.

KurtCobainLover · 05/10/2025 09:02

I work 20 hours a week as a single mum to 16 & 14 year old DC’s. I used to work full time but had a breakdown so went back part time, I’m hoping to increase my hours to 25 soon and work 5 hours a day. Financially it’s a struggle.

DiscoBeat · 05/10/2025 09:02

Teens are 17 and 15. The plan was to be a SAHM until they went to secondary school but then I got into caring for elderly parents. Things are freer now but it's been so long since I worked that I've kind of retired early now!

ApricotCheesecake · 05/10/2025 09:03

I work 30 hours, 4 days a week. Now my kids are teens I could go full time, but we can afford this and I love my day off!

PurpleThistle7 · 05/10/2025 09:05

My husband and I work full time and always have. We are immigrants so no family help and he works away regularly. We have two kids - 12 and 9 now. The hybrid working has really helped but the years before it were difficult at times for sure. We both worked full time in 4 days so had the kids in childcare 3 days a week and then my husband shifted his hours around after they were both in school.

Obviously I work for the money but I also like my job and have a wonderful boss and lovely colleagues. I didn’t particularly love maternity leave and was happy to go back. All I really wanted was a helpful grandparent at times!

SquidgySquoo · 05/10/2025 09:07

I'm a SAHM to a 3 year old who has just started preschool. I do a little bit of freelance work but it's more for enjoyment/mental stimulation than anything as the money is negligible. I'm the only SAHM I know but it was important to both me and DH that one of us should be at home while DC are little.

PurpleThistle7 · 05/10/2025 09:07

Oh and our friends are all sorts. I’d say not a huge number of people have two full time working parents but it’s not unusual. I only know one SAHM and she’s actually technically retired as her husband ended up with a crazy income and travels a lot. She worked until a couple of years ago and then took early retirement.

thetooththewholetooth · 05/10/2025 09:10

Full time now (youngest is 15), but when 1st was little I did 4 days per week, and when 2nd arrived I did 3 days. Moved to full time when they were both at school

NCJD · 05/10/2025 09:14

PT. Shift worker so variable but it equates to about 3.5-4 days per week in standard hours. Will never go FT again. 1 DC in school and 1 in pre school.

troppibambini6 · 05/10/2025 09:15

My children are 31, 28, 20, 14,12 and 11. I’m a sahm and have been for a long time. I love it, I know it’s not for everyone but it have no plans to go back to work.
My youngest 3 children do A lot of sport and are 3 different schools. We don’t have any outside help Dh runs his own business which is quite full on he does quite a bit with America which means having to work evenings too sometimes.

PevenseygirlQQ · 05/10/2025 09:19

With my oldest (15) I worked FT until I had my youngest who is 3 now I work PT 22.5 hours a week.

StayAliveJessicaHyde · 05/10/2025 09:22

Zippidydoodah · 05/10/2025 08:41

I’m part time with four kids aged 15-7, and I still can’t fit everything in.

I want to work more, but I know that I’d still have to do the lion’s share at home (dp works long, long hours and is often away) so I guess I can’t.

If anyone is reading this who has not started/is still growing their family, I’d say that these are the things we were completely naive about: my working potential and mental health, and the fact that teenagers need their parents just as much if not more, in some ways. We are absolutely, completely, mentally and physically, exhausted.

Glad I'm not alone! I have four children, 14,11,10,7, work part time in a professional role and I'm also exhausted and feel like I'm teetering on burnout a lot of the time.

Breli · 05/10/2025 09:27

My husband and I work full time and have since our child was one (we took shared parental leave). We alternate pick ups and drop offs. I don’t know any stay at home parents or part time parents.