Overcoming driving phobia

[Stormotto]

I know non drivers are not popular on MN! Has anyone managed to overcome severe driving anxiety/phobia? I’ve never learned because of anxiety and panic attacks, never thought I would be safe on the road but now my kids are approaching teens there are so many more things that they need driving to and I want to learn.

Has anyone managed to overcome severe anxiety? How long did it take you? Do you have any tips or advice. Do you like driving now or still hate it?

Feel so stupid that I never learnt but it has alway been a huge problem for me :(

A short course of hypnotherapy/remedial hypnosis can be very helpful with any phobia, because it's an emotional rather than a logical issue.

I had an awful phobia which stopped me from learning but we lived where public transport was decent so I didn’t need to drive. The pandemic came along though and afterwards a lot of local bus services were cut so I bit the bullet and had lessons as I didn’t want to be THAT person who relied on others for lifts.

My lesson was every Wednesday and from Sunday until then I’d be so anxious. I eventually passed in August, just five days before my fourth year of learning. I passed on my fourth attempt.
I had one test cancelled though due to the weather and the rescheduled date was nearly five months later so between the second and third tests I had a wait of almost 9 months and couldn’t get a cancellation.

Nearly two months since passing and just we’ve moved house an hour away from where we lived and driving is now essential as my very elderly Dad is still in our old area.
Driving back from seeing him the other day I did something stupid. The roads are rural and not very wide with lots of bends and hills. It was raining heavily and a large lorry was coming in the opposite direction, I moved over as the road was narrow and misjudged the space I had, hit the kerb and knocked a hole in my tyre. I was 15 minutes away from our new house and thankfully my husband was home so he came out to help me. I had to drive to a straight bit of road as this had happened just after a bend. I’d stopped right by a farmyard so we asked if we could pull on and change the tyre there rather than on the roadside for safety. The farmer was lovely and said that this happens along that stretch of road at least once a week so I didn’t feel quite so stupid then.

This totally depends on where you live though, there’s terribly unreliable public transport here, and many rural areas have none at all. Also unless you live in a city your employment options can be very hampered if you don’t have a driving licence.

OP - there are driving instructors who specialise in teaching nervous learners, worth having a look to see if any are available in your area.

I would be interested in hypnotherapy but I have tried it before and it wasn’t successful as I couldn’t be hypnotised!

Going too slowly and dithering also causes lots of accidents.

Would recommend EMDR

EMDR I also couldn't be hypnotised!

Try remedial hypnosis – there's no trance involved.

Yes I did finally at age 37. I still get anxious going to new places or somewhere i don’t know the parking situation (I’m not great at a pressure park!). However, I mostly drive on my own terms, so if something is giving me major anxiety and I just feel like I can’t go then I won’t. For me it’s more about directions and knowing where to go even with a sat nav than the actual driving.

For me, not a phobia but anxiety and left it until my 30s-
Going automatic
Patient and kind driving instructor
Practice in own car as well as driving lessons
Smaller car with parking camera for reversing
Watching lots of TikTok’s and YouTube videos of driving lessons and tips
Just taking it slowly and not putting a ‘I need to pass by this point’ limit

I understand this completely. The learning is much much worse for this than the actual driving, once you are out on your own you can take your time and there's less pressure, yes othe drivers might be impatient but you learn to block that out, you see them for a split second at a junction or whatever - who cares. It took me two three bouts of lessons over a few years to go for a test, I actually had quite a strict instructor for my last set of lessons and I needed that, passed first time with 3 minors. I rarely drive on the motorway now, but I still have a lot of independence from my wee car and I'm a million times better in confidence than I was at the start, I'll never be Uber confident and drive anywhere but I'm fine, it's great, I get on and do it and love my little car. Just believe it's going to happen and that once you get through the learning you'll be able to do what you need to make yourself more comfortable. In time your confidence and window of tolerance will grow and most journeys won't phase you at all

This is me exactly (as well as feeling anxious when anticipating driving particularly with new places)

This used to be me and one of the things that really helped was quite odd really.

I was watching my young child drive a go cart around a track. Quite sophisticated go carts that adults would happily enjoy. I watched him have fun and was quite jealous but it was a very expensive activity so it was over too soon and I didn't book for me. I was watching and imagining how much fun it must be to drive around the track. I then thought about how I'd like to drive it and why it would be something I would enjoy.

I thought about what the go cart would feel like to drive and the differences between the go cart and my car. My car is now a friendly feeling small hatchback with reversing camera and other small conveniences that make driving a little easier.

I realised that driving my little car could be, and often is, actually fun.

Xxx

I just wanted to leave a little update. I’ve had a couple of lessons now and actually quite enjoy it so far! I was super nervous the night before I started but the first lessons actually went fine. My instructor says I handle the car well! Still early days but not the completely disaster I had imagined. So glad I gave it a go after all these years and thanks to everyone on here who encouraged me 😊

Well done indeed OP. It really is so impressive when someone takes their fears in hand and JFDI anyway. Thank you for taking the time to come and update.

@TinyFlamingo 's suggestion of EMDR is worth considering if you need some extra help handling the fear.

Thank you. I explained about my fear and we’ve been just driving very quiet places so far.

I tried EMDR before for but it wasn’t for me. I did look at some online courses before I started about dealing with driving anxiety and they were quite helpful but just doing it was the main thing really!

Fabulous! Well done to you. You should feel very proud of yourself 👏👏

What a lovely update. I think you may actually be better if you are in control rather than a passenger, from what you said about being a passenger on motorways.

Hearing how well you are doing from your instructor will
have helped too.

I am naturally an anxious person and an over thinker, I had a bad car accident when I was 19 I was in the back, and my friend flipped her car 9 times into a ditch, ended up facing the wrong way upside down inches from a tree. Amazingly we all walked away with only cuts and bruises.

Im 31 now and only passed my test in July this year, I’ve had dreams for years of driving but I don’t know how to drive so I’m about to crash and I shoot up awake sweating. But for my own sake and that of my children I finally learned. Passed both theory and practical first time, and I will admit when I first passed the first few times I went out alone I stayed awake at night worrying that I’d hit someone and hadn’t realised, it was irrational. But it’s faded and now almost 6 months down the line I love driving!