Overcoming driving phobia

[Stormotto]

I know non drivers are not popular on MN! Has anyone managed to overcome severe driving anxiety/phobia? I’ve never learned because of anxiety and panic attacks, never thought I would be safe on the road but now my kids are approaching teens there are so many more things that they need driving to and I want to learn.

Has anyone managed to overcome severe anxiety? How long did it take you? Do you have any tips or advice. Do you like driving now or still hate it?

Feel so stupid that I never learnt but it has alway been a huge problem for me :(

No advice, OP, as I’m exactly the same, and I really need to learn.

Do you know what aspects make you anxious about it? Is it controlling the car or the roads themselves?

Yes but i was already a driver when it happened. I used to be a confident and high annual mileage driver. I suddenly found myself very anxious and overly cautious. I avoided certain roads I know would mean a ‘squeeze’ past parked cars with oncoming vehicles. I stopped driving in the dark wherever possible, didnt do longer journeys and chose to take the train instead and was absolutely terrified to do 70 on the dual carriageway. The o ly thing that helped me was to keep doing it, the actual problem lasted around 3 years and then suddenly I was ok again and back to my usual, confident self. I think you have to try it. Research local instructors. We have one guy who teaches all the young ones and has a high pass rate but he isn’t know for being great with older and more anxious drivers. We have others who are a better fit.

Aww don't feel stupid.
Just think of it as a skill you've not yet mastered.
I bet you are great at a lot of things that I don't even have a clue about!
So the very fact that you want to learn now is a good motivator.
Ask around your locality for recommendations for a driving instructor.
When you find one, tell them you are anxious - you will definitely NOT be the first nervous learner they have come across!

Then just take it from there.
Remember - their sole purpose is to teach you how to drive - so you just literally do what they tell you to do.

One key thing is if you don't feel comfortable with your first instructor, move on and get another (and so on).
Do not feel you have to stick with them.
But hopefully you will find a great one from the off.
The thing about learning to drive is practice, practice, practice.
It really does get easier the more you do it.
Good luck @Stormotto !

I can drive and have a clean licence for last 25 years. However I have driving anxiety on fast roads and don't do motorways. This is very limiting 😟BUT I do manage with local driving and can ferry people shopping tip runs so it definitely was worth it.

What has always amazed me is the number of people (often women) I know who suffer from severe anxiety and panic attacks in everyday life and yet have never had a problem with driving on motorways or anywhere.

Which leads me to conclude that just because you are anxious about lots of things driving can actually be your safe space where you feel confident and competent.

Maybe it just practice and even things like vertigo which I suffer from, can be overcome with practice

So just start with baby steps see how you feel behind the wheel. It can be like mowing the lawn or chopping onions, walking up and down the stairs safely literally a mechanical skill where you feel confident and FINE and no harm is caused to anyone (which is probably what you worry about)

There are so many things we do everyday which have the capacity to go wrong but we tend not to think much we just do them as physical steps and driving can be like that. It's s muscle you develop!

With that I resolve to practice more myself !

I never liked driving and was a nervous learner driver, but not to the extent of having panick attacks until later when I developed post-natal anxiety, which was always at its worst when driving. I sometimes felt I had to pull over as I felt like my anxiety attack was going to make me have a stroke or crash or something.

I read some advice about how to stop a panic attack, which sounds weird but actually worked for me, especially while driving. It said that rather than trying to push the anxious feelings away or stop them, actually lean into them and deliberately try to panic as hard as you can. As in... genuinely try to force your panicky feelings up to 100%.

I know it sounds nuts, but it works! The idea is that you will find that you can't actually panic harder and also that nothing bad will happen if you try (passing out, having a heart attack, or any of the things your anxiety is telling you might happen). Being scared of your anxious feelings just makes you more anxious. Letting it all out releases it. Sometimes it ended up making me laugh out loud in the car!

I had a friend that had amaxophobia. It was not helped by her very impatient driving instructor who had a brand new VW Golf with a heavy clutch with razor thin biting point, and heavy steering. He used to shout at her when she couldn't pull out from junctions at rush hour.

She found that karting helped overcome her fear of controlling the vehicle. Then, changing to my very patient driving instructor that had a Nissan Bluebird with very light controls (clutch, gearstick, brake pedal, accelerator, steering wheel) got her through the test on her second attempt.

Don't worry - you'll be fine

I have. I tried several times before with no luck. Going automatic only and a very patient driving instructor was what made it successful in the end. Took me 10 months with this instructor. If auto wasn't a thing, i would still be a non driver. I think I'm a bit adhd, aswell as anxiety. Found it so over welming and a lot to take in. Not sure I'll ever be a confident driver but even just driving locally opens up so much more freedom.

Thanks for your replies.

Someone asked what the main fear was. I think it is that I get flustered easily and panic, I am not good under pressure! I fear that I will cause an accident. And motorway driving, I don’t even really like being a passenger on the motorway.

I think this will be me, if I can manage to pass at all. I just want to drive locally really.

Yes me. I am anxious at the thought of driving. When I am in the car though I am ok unless I can’t find a parking spot easily. I prefer to not drive so I probably drive twice a month, but that’s really forcing myself to do it. I live in a country with very aggressive drivers and I think that’s the reason, I just prefer to not put myself in that situation unless I really have to or I take my dog to the beach for a change of scenery.

No real advice to impart, but you really just have to get out and do it. I had an accident 6 months after I got my licence and my then boyfriend now husband pushed me to keep at it. Because once that confidence is gone, it's very hard to get back. I hope you can find a solution x

I was really anxious when learning, my knuckles would hurt for days I was gripping the wheel so tight. The only thing that helped was lots and lots of driving. The more you do the easier it gets.

Solution focused hypnotherapy. It’s very effective for this sort of phobia. You can do it online or in person and there are therapists who specialise in phobias.

Sorry I’m going to go against the grain and say nervous and anxious drivers should not be on the road. You are controlling 2 tonne of metal at speed and it’s not a personal development exercise - other people’s lives and safety are at stake. You need to be calm and in control.

Yes, because the stats really bear out that nervous drivers are the ones causing accidents. 🙄

Nervous drivers are far less likely to be speed, which is the leading cause of road accidents.

I don't know about phobia but with extreme anxiety, moral support and the right driving instructor makes such a difference. Maybe you just haven't met them yet.

Also you might do better in an electric car. Ours has so many bells and whistles, it senses the traffic in front and will apply the brakes for you etc. It's a lot of money but that will adjust over time. You'd need to turn a lot of this stuff off for learning I think, but it might help get you over the hump of your particular fears to know that there's something down the line that would give you extra back up in this area.

About 25% of tests are now being taken in auto cars and this will only increase.

This is basically why I haven’t learnt before, however, this post was more about if anyone had been able to overcome those feelings and not feel like that anymore. If I am that terrible presumably I won’t pass anyway!

I was a nervous passenger my whole life . I hated being in a car . Like you OP I was always embarrassed that I couldn’t drive . Finally at 49 I took the bull by the horns and started learning. It took me a long time but at 501/2 I passed first time . I’ve now been driving for ten years and although I don’t go far and still panic if I have to go somewhere new I’m still absolutely delighted that I found the courage . I joke that I’ll have driver put on my gravestone 😂 take heart it can be done .

I dunno. I think it's a mistake to conflate nervous drivers with bad drivers. Driving within your limits is better than being overconfident. Teen girls are on average more nervous than boys but have fewer and less expensive accidents.

People get better at stuff with practice, especially if surrounded by people who build them up instead of knocking them down. If you really want it this time OP, find the right instructor and give it another whirl. Maybe even book single lessons with 2 or 3 different instructors and then choose one.

Intrinsic motivation and "grit" (overused word) counts for a lot too. This is what I most admired in watching DD go from being in tears every lesson to driving solo.

That’s very inspiring, @Vicliz24 — good for you.

I passed my test about a million years ago and with the enthusiasm of youth I was fine. However, as I've got older, I'm less happy driving, especially if it's to somewhere I don't know, as I can get lost in a cupboard! Even with sat nav I get lost.
I do drive but to my limits, it's enough to go shopping, do tip runs, run the kids about etc and that's fine. Just because you can drive doesn't mean you HAVE to drive to Scotland, or overseas, or anywhere you're not comfortable. Once you've passed your test you might surprise yourself how you feel, so good luck, go for it and see how you get on.

Hypnotherapy for me. I don’t think she was ‘solution focused’, though it was very much like that. Really turned things around for me.

I am a driver sort of but have always been terrified, never driven on motorway or outside my village and surrounds. Now kids are nearly teens I have challenged myself to overcome this phobia. This year I drove on the M25 (with a calm friend I trusted as a passenger advising). I’m finding it incredibly empowering. I have to keep on at myself to do drives that are outside my comfort zone but I’m getting there.

I’m in the same boat OP and I think I am a bit phobic about learning! I’ve had various tries at it and started lessons but wasn’t able to keep doing it because I got feelings of such dread and anxiety before each lesson. I also don’t think either of the two instructors I went with were very understanding. One threw a sponge at me any time I made an error, I’m not joking!
Im terrible at multi tasking and all the different things you have to do when driving and we aware of is overwhelming for me.
Even my wee mum managed pass her test at the age of 60! She drives an automatic though- a bit easier, less to remember without gears, would that work for you?