Children and pocket money...do you "control" what they spend?

[Illbefinejustbloodyfine]

Dc have £10 pocket money a month each. They both invariably want to spend it on Robux/minecoins. It seems such a waste to me, and nit at all the point of giving them pocket money to start with. But I am also a bit of a soft touch with it.

One has just asked to use his entire £10 on robux. He got the pocket money yesterday. I just dont want him to tbh. He'll spend it on the current game if the moment which he and all his friends will move on from in a week or a few weeks.

Do I just say No?
Say he can use £5 on robux (suggested this, the thing hhe wants to spend it on is £10 worth...)
Suggest he waits few days and can have it if he still wants it?

I dont know why, I just feel really harsh saying no. Probably just need to get a grip!

Will you give them more money if they ask later in the month?

How old are they?

The point of pocket money is to learn to budget and discover that if you spend it all on stupid stuff it runs out. You can definitely encourage them to leave it a few days or only spend £5 in one go but ultimately I wouldn’t “control” it as they need to learn.

They're 8 and 10. Stupidly, since we switched to monthly, I haven't really kept track of the online spends though I realise I need to do so. They used to get £2 a week, but i thought the monthly amount would be better, I think I was wrong!

Actually, I might switch back to weekly, then if he really wants to spend £10, he'd have to save up for the month.

This is how I feel, but "learning" only works if they have regrets, and they dont seem to.

Id have the conversation about how if he spends £10 now then that’s it for the month. See what he decides to do. Either way he’ll learn.

I would make them save 20% at least each month for long term saving’s and another 20% for anything that crops up this month.

How often do they get the £10? As above, I let my daughter buy wha she wants within reason, including some things I think are a waste of money. I do warn her if I think something is overpriced or a waste of money. When she is inevitably upset, I remind her that it was her choice and to think carefully in future. After saving up for 3 weeks for a surprise cone which was (unsurprisingly!) full of crap which she didn’t want, she has been more cautious.

when I set the amount I picked an amount which if all spent on sweets wasn’t the end of the world, but can be saved for 2-3 weeks to get a little toy.

It's their pocket money, freely given and without strings. Let them spend it, let them learn and stop sucking the joy.

Hopefully, they get other treats throughout the month because £10 or £2.50 a week isn't very much now.

My 11 year old gets £15 a month. I tell him that he needs to save some of it, once he has transferred some to his savings rest is his to do what he wants with but once it’s gone, it’s gone. He will ask about buying Robux and my stance is that it’s his money to spend although I will remind him that he’s not having any more money and especially if he’s only recently bought some, tell him I think that he is wasting his money. Sometimes he will decide against it and sometimes he will buy them but I have noticed that he is starting to get much better at budgeting and thinking before he spends now.

Then I think that’s fine. I agree it seems a waste but if it’s bringing them enjoyment maybe it’s not. Better than £10 worth of sweets rotting their teeth maybe?! My daughter often buys a piece of plastic tat which is just as bad if not worse than computer game stuff!

This is the thing the, the "joy" from buying robux lasts about 3 minutes.

As for other treats, or £10 not being much, that's kind of all relative to someone's income isn't it?

It seems a waste of money to us to spend their pocket money on robux because it's not a real, tangible thing, but actually it isn't really much worse than the things we used to spend ours on when we were kids - sweets, magazines etc.

My DS15 gets 6/week and DS12 gets 4/week. That way they have to save if they want to buy robux/ eat out whatever.

We don't give pocket money yet, but when my kids have Christmas or birthday money, I let them buy what they want (within reason), but I do try and steer them towards something vaguely sensible.

I also get them to go through their existing toys before we buy anything new, and choose some to donate. We don't have space for endless toys.

Not at all
Half the fun of being this age and having pocket money is blowing it frivolously

DDs (8 and 6) probably get a similar amount of pocket money a month. It varies because they have to earn it by doing chores and they have a tick chart....10p a tick. Just things like tidying their rooms, putting their clean washing away, doing their homework etc. We add it up at the end each week.

Because they've earned it, I do let them spend it on whatever they want. I will try and guide them and remind them that if they spend it all on junk they'll have to save up again. But at the end of the day I think it's a good lesson for them to learn.

But they have to learn that. It just seems such a shame that at that age they can't buy what gives them joy, even if it is short lived. Next time they might make a better choice but will never forget the constant nagging. I gave you £10 pocket money. No that's a waste, that's a waste, you can only spend it on what I say.

Don't you think "sorry darling, I'd live you to have those stickers, but you have spent all your pocket money". You can buy them in three weeks, is more impactful and supportive?

I feel like you do @Illbefinejustbloodyfine but I bite my tongue! Having said that gaming isn’t a thing in our house so the pocket money gets spent of physical tat - not sure which is worse. DC us getting better at thinking before buying things but that has taken a while and has had to be constantly backed up by me and DH not caving and buying things when pocket money has run out

All part of the learning process op

What would you think someone told you that spending all you money on an expensive lipstick / hobby item was a waste and you weren't allowed to do it you had to save the money instead

When dd started getting cash pocket money she would spend it all on sweets. But she was annoyed she never had a thing left when there was something else she wanted. So we split her money into cash and card which worked much better. Cash for sweets, card for other things.

their brains are not yet switched from instant gratification to the pleasure of accumulation and waiting.
it will come at some point. with mine it was around age 10ish.

My kids get a monthly allowance, it’s paid electronically and a small percentage is set aside for savings. The rest they can do with as they please but once it’s gone it’s gone. They buy stuff I wouldn’t, but I buy stuff they wouldn’t choose either. The learning process is slow - it takes a while to realise that Robux are quickly spent and then you can’t buy the other thing you wanted. My DS12 is a saver, my DD14 is a spender - she’s moved from buying Robux to buying clothes and make up. They’re all valid ways of spending your discretionary cash on things that bring you joy.

DS is 13 and gets his money monthly, he gets £40 but spends £14 I think on game pass for his Xbox. Every now and then he will buy FC points but he generally saves his money. We have to approve any online purchases on his Xbox and we do generally say to give it 24 hours to have a think, same with any largeish purchases he wants to make. We find that works to break the spell if he's being influenced by a friend he's playing online with etc. Most of the time that works.

It does last about 3 minutes but that’s how children learn - by spending their pocket money on crap and then missing out on other things.

At that age all my pocket money went on sweets and copies of the Beano that I’d read in about thirty minutes and never touch again. But I learnt and as an adult I’ve never had any issues with debt and can quite happily browse stuff and not buy it because I know it’s not worth it.