Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Children and pocket money...do you "control" what they spend?

87 replies

Illbefinejustbloodyfine · 04/10/2025 07:57

Dc have £10 pocket money a month each. They both invariably want to spend it on Robux/minecoins. It seems such a waste to me, and nit at all the point of giving them pocket money to start with. But I am also a bit of a soft touch with it.

One has just asked to use his entire £10 on robux. He got the pocket money yesterday. I just dont want him to tbh. He'll spend it on the current game if the moment which he and all his friends will move on from in a week or a few weeks.

Do I just say No?
Say he can use £5 on robux (suggested this, the thing hhe wants to spend it on is £10 worth...)
Suggest he waits few days and can have it if he still wants it?

I dont know why, I just feel really harsh saying no. Probably just need to get a grip!

OP posts:
Keepingthingsinteresting · 04/10/2025 09:16

You Describe it as a waste @Illbefinejustbloodyfine , so what do you think they should be spending it on? Ultimately if the purpose of the pocket money is to be their disposable income then it’s just like you spending it on a takeaway coffee, book or having your nails done (whichever applies). If it’s meant to be more then you need to have a conversation, e.g. paying your savings first etc.

Original poster
Illbefinejustbloodyfine · 04/10/2025 09:17

LoftyRobin · 04/10/2025 09:00

Okay but can you see that it is a bit of a strange question to ask.

"I don't think blue jeans are nice, should I stop my daughter wearing them? It could be problematic if she wore blue jeans everywhere for the rest of her life so should I tell her what to wear now?"

Edited
Show quote history

I dont know, i suppose much of it is down to the differences from when I was their age, abd also just not being into gaming. I also have quiet a soft approach to these things compared to friends and their dc.

OP posts:
Hurumphh · 04/10/2025 09:17

JustAnotherMumTho · 04/10/2025 08:13

My 11 year old gets £15 a month. I tell him that he needs to save some of it, once he has transferred some to his savings rest is his to do what he wants with but once it’s gone, it’s gone. He will ask about buying Robux and my stance is that it’s his money to spend although I will remind him that he’s not having any more money and especially if he’s only recently bought some, tell him I think that he is wasting his money. Sometimes he will decide against it and sometimes he will buy them but I have noticed that he is starting to get much better at budgeting and thinking before he spends now.

Similar here with my 12yr old. I think they only start to regret frittering it away when their desires expand.

In my mind, Minecraft etc is no worse than frittering money on comics and penny sweets a few decades ago. It’s healthy to have some money to spend on yourself, and normal for your desires to change over time.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
Beamur · 04/10/2025 09:18

Why not give it to them weekly as a smaller amount? Would encourage saving for bigger items too

Original poster
Illbefinejustbloodyfine · 04/10/2025 09:19

Keepingthingsinteresting · 04/10/2025 09:16

You Describe it as a waste @Illbefinejustbloodyfine , so what do you think they should be spending it on? Ultimately if the purpose of the pocket money is to be their disposable income then it’s just like you spending it on a takeaway coffee, book or having your nails done (whichever applies). If it’s meant to be more then you need to have a conversation, e.g. paying your savings first etc.

Yes you're spot on here of course. I think it does sit easily with me when I have so little to spare. So then, I dont buy coffee, because id prefer a bottle of wine at the weekend. Point proven!

OP posts:
tripleginandtonic · 04/10/2025 09:20

I'd give them less pocket money. Or start with half to spend as you please and half in savings gs for bigger purchases that need discussion.

OhamIreally · 04/10/2025 09:25

Hurumphh · 04/10/2025 09:17

Similar here with my 12yr old. I think they only start to regret frittering it away when their desires expand.

In my mind, Minecraft etc is no worse than frittering money on comics and penny sweets a few decades ago. It’s healthy to have some money to spend on yourself, and normal for your desires to change over time.

Show quote history

I agree and actually spending on virtual stuff is probably better for the environment than buying endless plastic tat.

BadgernTheGarden · 04/10/2025 09:26

Pocket money is just the joy of having your very own money that you can spend however you like. If you want them to save give them half and save the rest for them. I do think it's against the spirit of pocket money if someone else tells you what you can and can't spend it on.

Ducksurprise · 04/10/2025 09:26

Illbefinejustbloodyfine · 04/10/2025 09:19

Yes you're spot on here of course. I think it does sit easily with me when I have so little to spare. So then, I dont buy coffee, because id prefer a bottle of wine at the weekend. Point proven!

Show quote history

Lol, I'm just imagining a child's MN

'Should I let my mum waste her spending money on a drink that causes cancer, liver failure, weight gain, makes her sleepy/silly/loud/tired. She has nothing to show for it, it is a awful waste and a bad way of thinking. And I'm sure she will end up being an alcoholic'

Nicefreshbedding · 04/10/2025 09:26

God, let them spend it how they want! They'll learn - eventually! 😆

Personally I'd pay them to do chores to earn extra once they've spent up. It never hurts to teach them they have to work to earn and not expect handouts.

HRchatter · 04/10/2025 09:28

No, but I tried to educate and often it falls on deaf ears.
But I keep reinforcing the message of saving and hope it sinks in

PurpleThistle7 · 04/10/2025 09:29

I have online accounts for the kids - Hyperjar for my daughter (12) so it’s money on a debit card and a virtual only for my son. They do chores before they get it - £6 and £4 weekly.

My son saves up and gets a Lego set or switch game every couple months. My daughter tends to spend it on hanging out with friends. I don’t care and it’s up to them. We don’t do online gaming yet though.

I think it’s important to let them have some guilt free enjoyment even if it’s not something that makes sense to you. But I’d think about how you are managing it if the £10 isn’t actually their budget and they never have incentive to wait. Either stop topping it up or up their weekly allowance. The card with an app is great as they can see it themselves.

LottieMary · 04/10/2025 09:31

Not quite sure how Roblox works exactly with this but also encourage not to spend based on others pressure - if they’re saying buying x will win us all the game for example
if friends have realised he’s got money and they haven’t they might not value it as they should

Ihatelittlefriendsusan · 04/10/2025 09:38

Dd is 13 and now gets £30/month and that has to cover anything she wants to do with her friends, like shops for sweets cinema etc. She knows that once she has spent it that is it, she gets nothing else and if that means she misses out on doing things with her friends then so be it.

We started it with £5/week at about age 7 and she used to blow it all on a magazine and then had nothing for souvenirs etc if we went out then so be it. But it absolutely relies on you not funding extra money. They get what they get and thats it.

But you also have to actually teach them about money and how to budget or its all meaningless.

Dd currently has about £300 in a savings account and moves money over monthly to save, she knows she has to buy her own presents for her brother and sister and her dad l. When she was at primary I would agree to match whatever she had saved up.

She has a much healthier relationship with money and saving than I have ever had!

Good luck @Illbefinejustbloodyfine

Let them spend onnwhat they want but be firm that once its gone they get nothing else. They will learn xx

Deliveroo · 04/10/2025 09:40

At those ages I left them free to decide what they would spend their money on, but they were not allowed to make impulse purchases.

This did mean muggins making extra trips up to the shops, and being very unpopular over the online flash 24 hour sales.

Ds spent a fortune on an app but he learned from it and around 13 had a really clear understanding of how games are structured to lure you in to never ending small spends. Having the experience of doing this on a kiddie game that he now cringed at liking when he was younger, made it much more meaningful than any lecture from me.

DD went through phases of buying smuggle crap, Claire’s crap, crappy LOL dolls, primark crap and has never really made the leap of insight about any of it. She’s now eyeing up Shein crap and I wish I’d taken a completely different approach. Of course I was less concerned about her plastic habit than I was about ds’ virtual spending.

No advice really op.

Original poster
Illbefinejustbloodyfine · 04/10/2025 09:54

Nicefreshbedding · 04/10/2025 09:26

God, let them spend it how they want! They'll learn - eventually! 😆

Personally I'd pay them to do chores to earn extra once they've spent up. It never hurts to teach them they have to work to earn and not expect handouts.

Yes, this is my plan. They have the usual stuff to do, not a lot tbh, but could earn extra.

OP posts:
SilkAndSparklesForParties · 04/10/2025 10:26

I'd say no one formula works for both DC. Ours had reasonable pocket money, then allowances.

DS is careful with money and always has been. Drank water on the ski trip, rather than buying expensive pop. Got fed up of blowing tons in a club on the dreadful rite of passage that was the Malia trip, and had steak on the last few days. Aged 30 invests and stacks it up. I've never known him to have less than £5k salted away and from an early age.

DD, from the same cradle, is the exact opposite. Her salary slithers through her fingers on ubers, meals out, theatre trips, weekends to a European City, for a party. Only now, aged 27, is she beginning to smell the coffee. She's had a fab time though.

bettydavieseyes · 05/10/2025 05:03

LoftyRobin · 04/10/2025 09:14

"Why- I really want to know why you want to control your child's fun money. Why is it such a waste?"

It's parents who just want to own another life rather than raise children to live their own lives. This is why so many kids go NC with their parents now or move far away and see them once a year. It's to get away.

What a horrible thing to say.

Curledup14 · 05/10/2025 06:01

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Curledup14 · 05/10/2025 06:03

My teen son spends his on dominoes pizza (usually an hour or so after he’s just wolfed down the dinner I have cooked for him!)!!

but he’s 15, 6’2, runner bean skinny, plays sport like it’s going out of fashion and however the hell he wants to spend his money (because pocket money is just that - his money)…. Is his business

Curledup14 · 05/10/2025 06:06

I used to spend mine of Fast Forward and Just 17, sweets, and Tammy girl!

LoftyRobin · 05/10/2025 07:23

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

You mean that I talk about facts and complexity of real situations Ive been in rather than theorising what I would do from afar?

Listen, the fact that you think you can control who posts and what they say is evidence that you're exactly the type of mother who thinks controlling how your kids spend their fun money is a normal thing to do. Lots of people spoke about how controlling the OP is for suggesting this. I just said and this is why I think lots of kids feel so suffocated by their parents these days that they barely speak to them.

Curledup14 · 05/10/2025 07:31

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Noname973 · 05/10/2025 07:31

No, Mine are now 13 and 11. but have been getting pocket money for a few years. Both have their own accounts / cards. DS typically spends his on fifa points, sweet and football cards! DD is toiletries, make up and shien orders and snacks when out with friends.

Both have learnt that lots of little purchases add up quick…

Curledup14 · 05/10/2025 07:31

And you obviously didn’t read my post saying whatever my children choose to spend their pocket money on is their business

which is you all over @LoftyRobin knee jerk reactions