I start a new job as a cleaner today and the thought is really depressing me.

[MybosswasMrMcGee]

Firstly, I am not knocking being a cleaner, it's just not something that I really enjoy doing but I am in a position where I have no choice right now and need the money.

But I just feel so sad about my life.

Twenty years ago today I was in labour with my first born, it was one of the happiest times of my life. A year later I returned to my job as an administrator in a job that I enjoyed and had been doing for over 15 years.

15 years ago I became a stay at home mum to my two dc. Not eveyone's cup of tea, I know but being a stay at home parent was the most joyful time of my life, I loved and cherished every minute.

10 years ago I became a PA for a disabled client - although it was sometimes a challenge as I struggle with some chronic health issues and was balancing it out with caring for my mum (who has dementia), it was also a job I very much enjoyed.

1 year ago the PA job came to an end as my client passed away. I took time out to look after my mum who is now in the advanced stages of her dementia journey. It has not been a great time and the stress has made all of my chronic health issues so much worse but being out of work for a year has meant money is now very tight and I need to pay off some debt. I need to work but it has been so difficult to find a job in my area.

I have been offered cleaning work from a close family member who runs a cleaning business. I start today. I am so sad that my life has come to this. I am not knocking being a cleaner and I am very grateful for the work. I will put on my mask (ie smile), I will work well as I am a hard worker and will just have to get on with it but it won't stop me feeling sad.

I feel this is my life now. I should have returned to administration work after having my children and worked my way up the ladder but my chronic health issues leave me exhausted at times and now in my 50's I have neither the funds to study for anything new nor the energy tbh.

How can I come to terms that I will never have a fulfilling and interesting job and this is my life from now on, cleaning houses for rich people.

Reframe the mind, you get to listen to music / podcasts, leave the home, do some gentle exercise and earn some money.

Well done you.... it's a stepping stone not a final destination!
WELL DONE YOU x x x x x

I’m where you are. About to jack in an impressive, professional career I love as I’m chronically ill, have 2 small children, no external help and despite DH pulling his weight in every way, I just can’t do it anymore. I’m making myself ill, my house is stressed and unhappy, and I’m not actually enjoying work in the way I used to.

Life isn’t a fairytale, sometimes the option to take is just the least bad one. Just remind yourself your career was the price paid to be a SAHM and have what you describe as ‘the happiest years of your life’, so was it really a waste?

Think of it as freedom, getting a life balance back where you work to live not live to work. Once it’s done the time is yours - no lengthy commute / endless meetings which run late.

How refreshing to see a post where so many responses are holding the OP up and offering support. As a SAHM looking to go back to work and in a very similar position and feeling overwhelmed this has made me teary!

Its like coming to terms with becoming disabled; you have to learn how to gain satisfaction from other areas of your life, and focus on that rather than on what you have lost or will never had. You can also accept that you are allowed to grieve over this. Its a kind of loss.

if I were you I’d be approaching an agency re doing admin work as a method of getting experience to get into a role you would prefer.

or consider setting up your own admin agency. Plenty of firms need admin but don’t want someone full time. You could run wages for sole traders etc.

Hi OP, I'm sorry you feel this way.

I was just chatting to my cleaner about the difficulty of choosing a suitable secondary school. I doubt she wanted to be a cleaner either, but both she and her boss are single parents of special needs children and it is what it is.

I just came on to say I had a cleaner once who'd been a housekeeper for an elderly man and had got a lot of satisfaction from the care and companionship part. Maybe you could find something like that?

I'm looking at starting a cleaning role for an agency whilst I'm building my self employed venture up. I'd prefer to do cleaning other than anything else as you can dip in and out (with an agency) and its flexible hours, and because I will be more active so will likely help with managing my weight and lastly no awful office politics! I never want to work in an office again!
I also won't do bar/waitressing again as it was always 50/50 whether I ended up working for a nice person or a bully and sadly driving isn't for me full time - even though I quite fancy doing Deliveroo!
Well done for doing something constructive, you never know you might really enjoy it and also it might lead on to something interesting down the line.

Get in touch with your local employability team. There’s loads of funding for upskilling etc, so many free courses, work experience etc for older workers who have health conditions. You’re never stuck op that’s an odd perception! Try and enjoy the cleaning while you explore other options

I've worked as a cleaner, it's not my best job, but not my worst either (pub cleaner was dire, I admit).

Good luck today and I think at the very least, I think you deserved to treat yourself to a silver-smithing course.

You'd probably be an awesome care home manager?

OP I hope your first day has gone well. There’s nothing wrong with cleaning as a job. Society has created this weird hierarchy of jobs and quite frankly the higher up that hierarchy it gets the more likely you ar to come across morally dubious behaviour, stress and completely pointless occupations.

You are, on the other hand doing something that is valuable to you clients, valuable to society, has no questionable morals attached and your break from another career has enabled you to have what you describe as the happiest years of your life..

The fact you’re working for a relative shows you have family who support you

It’s no good regretting things in the past, you could have kept on as a PA been driving home from work one night and been wiped out in a car crash. We don’t know the consequences of alternative past decisions. Reframe what you’re doing. You’re doing an important job, helping others

I was in a very similar position OP, needed a job as our financial position changed suddenly but had been out of the workplace for nearly 20 years with caring responsibilities and no one wanted to employ me so I took a job cleaning at a builders merchants because I knew someone who worked there and they put in a good word for me, doubt I'd have got anything otherwise. Been there almost a year now and I honestly love it, it's part time (5 hours a day) and I'm done by lunchtime, easy work and the people are lovely. Is it what I saw myself doing with my life? No but it's been far more positive for me than I could have imagined, I'm a million times happier than I thought I would be and I've also lost 2 stone since I started!

I've applied for a few other jobs lately (looking to top up my hours to full time with something else) and I'm getting interviews I would never have got a year ago, it's true what they say it's much easier to get a job when you're already working. Not sure what direction I'm going in next, am looking at courses to retrain in something I actually want to do but don't feel like there's a massive rush, I'm happy where I am for now and this job is giving me time to figure it out and has been amazing for my confidence and belief in myself, not sure I would have been brave enough to even think about retraining without it.

There are so many positives to going back to work that I almost think it really doesn't matter what the job is, it's the getting back out there that's important and who knows where it might lead? The lady who now runs our transport department started out as a cleaner there apparently! I'm just seeing it as the first step to where I'm going to end up, not necessarily the final destination. Hope your first day is going ok, bet you come home feeling more positive about it than you expected

Don't go through an agency, just work for yourself.

good cleaners are hard to find & word of mouth will soon get you plenty of work.

neighbourhood is a good app to advertise initially. Sorting out insurance is easy.

If you want to go back into Admin register with an agency and take temp work as cover, then once they see you are reliable and have the skills etc they will offer you longer term work. All you need is to get your foot in the door with a firm once they see how much you can do they won’t let you go.

It's a really valuable job I think my cleaner is great. I'm still debating resigning from being a doctor and going back to cleaning (did it for years at uni) as I found it so rewarding to do and stress free.

You can always do it whilst planning a exit route to an alternative job

Your true friends won't care. One of my close friends used to be a cleaner. She's now a carer for people with learning disabilities and she does all the cleaning, washing up and supervision of cooking in their house! She loves it, has flexible hours and enjoys the love and appreciation she gets from her clients/families.

I am a professional but needed to take on another job that entailed cleaning. I loved it. Just like others have said I used to listen to music and plan for future world domination while working. It wasn't my identity because I saw it as a temporary measure, but I was so grateful for the extra money, which I sorely needed. I would happily do it again.

For me, the only setback was how other people view it. It was only during the pandemic that the importance of cleaners was recognised.

Op, you have to work at getting out of this negative mindset. That is easier said than done, I know. You have a lot to be depressed about and it can seem that becoming a cleaner is a new low, but it really isn't. Cleaning is the thing that is the beginning of you turning your life around. And although it feels like this is it forever it really isn't. It is temporary - if you want it to be.

There is so much value in being a cleaner - it makes an enormous difference to the client's quality of life. If you can approach it sincerely wanting to do a good job, hopefully you will find clients who genuinely appreciate you. And you can plug into a podcast and plan your next move if that's what you want to do. Silversmith sounds like an amazing goal - is there a way to start doing that on the side, even a few hours each week? What would be the first tiny step towards that? A book about it? Finding out if there are any local courses? Finding some YouTube videos to watch? You are allowed to pursue what makes you happy! If you started in a small way now, you could be selling stuff on Etsy or at craft markets 5 years from now and making a bit of money that way - I imagine that would be super satisfying.

It's not a competition between stockbrokers and cleaners, both can do important roles.

I totally get what you're saying, OP. Hope you enjoy your first day today. And it's okay to feel sad, too. You have a lot on your plate managing your own health issues and your mum's.

And I am sure that others on here have already pointed out that if op finds a course she will probably qualify for concessions when it comes to payment, given that she has a low income.

I love that people on this thread are so supportive of Op.

Just wanted to add, I'm really enjoying reading everyone's supportive and informative posts as well.

You might like the work, and if you do you can consider going self employed and building up your own client base.
I know a woman who's a self employed cleaner and her work/life balance is fantastic and she's treated like gold by her clients.
You also sound like an amazing person. Work is just something we do to earn money and what we do doesn't define us. Your incredible caring and loving attitude and your dedication to your family is the measure of who you are as a person.