I start a new job as a cleaner today and the thought is really depressing me.

[MybosswasMrMcGee]

Firstly, I am not knocking being a cleaner, it's just not something that I really enjoy doing but I am in a position where I have no choice right now and need the money.

But I just feel so sad about my life.

Twenty years ago today I was in labour with my first born, it was one of the happiest times of my life. A year later I returned to my job as an administrator in a job that I enjoyed and had been doing for over 15 years.

15 years ago I became a stay at home mum to my two dc. Not eveyone's cup of tea, I know but being a stay at home parent was the most joyful time of my life, I loved and cherished every minute.

10 years ago I became a PA for a disabled client - although it was sometimes a challenge as I struggle with some chronic health issues and was balancing it out with caring for my mum (who has dementia), it was also a job I very much enjoyed.

1 year ago the PA job came to an end as my client passed away. I took time out to look after my mum who is now in the advanced stages of her dementia journey. It has not been a great time and the stress has made all of my chronic health issues so much worse but being out of work for a year has meant money is now very tight and I need to pay off some debt. I need to work but it has been so difficult to find a job in my area.

I have been offered cleaning work from a close family member who runs a cleaning business. I start today. I am so sad that my life has come to this. I am not knocking being a cleaner and I am very grateful for the work. I will put on my mask (ie smile), I will work well as I am a hard worker and will just have to get on with it but it won't stop me feeling sad.

I feel this is my life now. I should have returned to administration work after having my children and worked my way up the ladder but my chronic health issues leave me exhausted at times and now in my 50's I have neither the funds to study for anything new nor the energy tbh.

How can I come to terms that I will never have a fulfilling and interesting job and this is my life from now on, cleaning houses for rich people.

(also you don't have to do this forever and second others - housekeeper help is also massively in demand too - less physical but just as valued )

We have an amazing cleaner, who is brilliant but she’s also a lovely person who does lots of different jobs and enjoys the flexibility and variety it brings. She means that we can function as a family, I’m long term sick and it’s all very difficult so having her makes life possible.

There is a possibility I can’t go back to my career, it’s daunting and scary and it feels depressing to consider. If that happens I hope to redirect myself to my creative stuff and make something of a living from that. dh works and we will have to adjust but we will manage.

Dont give up, keep looking and applying for things, think about a portfolio career, some cleaning, some dog walking / cat feeding, some admin (parish councils sometimes advertise or charities for a few hours a week) and trust that it will all come together with some perseverance.

Why not look for an administrator role?

Silversmithing is often more a hobby than a job. A friend of mine does it. She can barely give her stuff away. She told me she has sat at craft fairs and not sold a single item. Very depressing. And you are on your own all the time. And she has dealt with people who have sold her silver that turns out not to be silver so she spends ages making delicate pieces and then can't put the silvermark on them. Fantasy jobs always shine in our minds because we don't need to face the realities of them.

I don't think you'll be a cleaner for long. This is interim money coming in while you take time to look for something that truly suits you. I've done cleaning before in exactly that position. Just for a few months until the right job came along. If your family friend's company is big or expanding you could suggest that you work as the cleaning company's administrator - liaising with clients and cleaners and rotas and payroll. Might they be up for that?

Hi. Several years ago I had a high paying job. Children came in my forties, for various reasons I had to give up my career. I ended up stacking shelves. Now 12 years on I have 3 jobs and I love it. One permanent part-time admin and zero hour contracts in a theatre. I love it....I feel like I'm in the real world working with real people. Doors open all the time, see the cleaning job as something to tide you over until something more interesting comes along. Good luck.

You can't have a cake and eat it. Either you prioritise your family life (like you did) or you focus on your career. I am sorry you feel like shit now but at least you had the opportunity to bring up your children which is something that by your own admission enjoyed a great deal. So cling on to those good memories that nobody can't get off from you and get on with it. And it's not like this have to be your job for the rest of your life, right ? You can look for other opportunities while you are working. Just take it on the chin and onwards and upwards, lovely.

i was a sahm for a long time,the only job I could get was cleaning,well it was the only job I was qualified for really,I work for a small business 5-9 mon-Fri,I get paid more than minimum wage as I’m good at my job,get some headphones,listen to podcasts,the time flies by,you will ache for a while though,BE PROUD!i am!

OP, the joy of a cleaning job is that you don’t have to think about it, and when it’s finished, it’s finished - no late night e-mails or extra work or head space required. Just regard it as a stepping stone - and sign up with every employment agency/temping agency that you can find in order to move back into the sort of work you would prefer.

@MybosswasMrMcGee I just want to say how much I admire you. It would be so easy for you to decide that you only want to do a job that feels good. I don't work. I used to be a nurse but had to leave due to caring responsibilities. I'm in hospital with DD2 right now and there is a wonderful care assistant who has told me she has recently qualified as a nurse but there are just no jobs, but she has children and needs to work, so she's working as a care assistant.

Have you considered doing some care work again? There are several agencies who might be able to place you with personal assistant work. Also, look on Facebook - lots of disabled people get given social care hours and have to find their own PAs, so they advertise on Facebook. Perhaps look in your local area? There may be a local jobs page for your area on Facebook, too.

I have just practically cried when a cleaner agreed to come and help me. I’m ill and overwhelmed with life stuff and living in this house which I used to love feels depressing because it’s too much to even begin to think about.

The difference she is going to make to my life is huge - don’t underestimate the contribution you will be making for someone who might well be struggling to hold things together. It’s a really important job. Thank you for doing it

Good luck, OP! X

It sounds like your career choices have allowed you to really appreciate your family life, AND made a huge difference to the happiness of many people.

I think it’s difficult to find admin-type roles right now because companies know they’ll be replacing most with AI over the next 5 years. And with so many young people out of work, they’ll easily fill the roles that remain with pliable employees, less likely to advocate for their rights and more willing to accept poor wages. At least that seems to be the strategy in my workplace.

Cleaners on the other hand can’t be replaced by AI, so better job security?

I hope you do start silversmithing though. I would like to learn carpentry one day.

So many cleaners i know have their own businesses and are earning more than I was making as a junior project manager. So much so that after mat leave I was applying for cleaning jobs (couldn't even get one) so you're ahead of me! Most I've seen are really flexible too which is such a perk, font underestimate it!

Retired now, we are considering looking for a cleaner because sometimes it’s just a bit too much.
We would value you enormously 😊
Good luck. Hope that you’re pleasantly surprised.

It’s not a downgrade. All the cleaners I know here have husbands who earn well, most have land and horses. They aren’t rich but they aren’t poor either. They charge £20 an hour and clean the holiday homes mostly.

I was about to post something similar.

I have long term health issues and have come to accept I just can’t clean my house myself well anymore. I have got a cleaner and the difference she makes to my life is amazing, it means I’m not sitting here worrying about how I’m going to clean the bathroom when I already feel awful. It gives me the headspace to have time for myself and I genuinely think she’s worth every penny.

Being a cleaner is a really important job, I don’t think people realise the impact it has on people’s lives.

Cleaning is good honest work - it's one of the reasons I hate that it's so undervalued and look down on. The first person you'll notice isn't there in any workplace is the cleaner. Plus I come from a line of hospital domestics and know how valuable it is.

But if you're not happy with it, it doesn't have to be your life. Keep a look for how it can open other doors. For example if you wanted to earn extra money, look out for vacancies for bank staff with the NHS. Get on their cleaning bank, and then try and get on their admin bank for example. I know it's easy to say but you never know what doors might open through food honest graft.

Life has thrown some rubbish at you. It's not just the cleaning,it's the health issues and your mum. I'm the boomer who everyone believes bought a house on one wage! Nope, not even 2 wages! Ex H and I lived in a caravan on HP,in a village, I didn't drive. Got a job as an office cleaner and a bike. They offered me a job! I had just applied to start my nursing training, which I did. Ex H lost his job, by now I'm working in the local general hospital,2 nights in a nursing home,to keep the mortgage going,2 up 2 down doer upper, mortgage rate 12%. He got a second job delivering new cars on trade plates. I got a cleaning job where I could take my young DS seat on my bike. She told me there was a nursing agency opposite run from home. Yup, worked for them as well. Fast forward,he had his own business, cleaning ironically,I did a full nursing shift, went out cleaning in the evenings, mortgage rate now 16%. Moved from Surrey to Sussex, cheaper properties. Nasty divorce,he insured me for a large sum and tried to kill me. Worked as a home help,to get back on my feet. Gloves on girl!!

What about becoming a pet sitter ? Cleaning isn’t good for people with health issues, far too harsh on the body

I started a cleaning job a little over a month ago. I used to be a head of department in a big independent school but life threw its worst at me, I had to stop working and I slowly started back through volunteer stuff and this is first paid thing I’ve done for years.

It might be “just a cleaner” but where would we be without cleaners? I’m finding it hard physically but it’s so tiring I can’t think about anything else! Just take each day as it comes and see it as a means to an end, a reference, a pay packet, that first step back into employment.

It’s really hard not to think “what if…?” It’s human nature to debate whether we made the right choice at various times but sometimes that can be detrimental to being happy with what we have now, it’s taken me a while to see that (and I still struggle- I hide my cleaning t shirt when I see my ex colleagues 😔 ).

I hope today goes as well as it can- thinking of you. Cleaners rock!

I know you said you don't have the money or energy to study, but have you looked at what your local council offers in courses? It's usually called the adult learning service. They're cheap or heavily discounted/free if you're on benefits, don't take a lot of time commitment, and attract people of all ages. I did an NVQ Level 1 which refreshed old skills enough to get a relevant job.

Sorry going off topic, but this post has made my day.currently a tax accountant, going to be making a similar career change to facilitate doing something with my life I can’t currently do. Glad your cleaners move was a good one

I love my cleaner at work. She’s the best. My room is spotless and it makes such a difference. It’s a hugely worthwhile job.

Also there’s grants and stuff to get yourself back up to speed with admin courses. Have a look. You are never to old to learn.

I used to clean when my kids were very young . It worked well around my dh work hours so didnt need to pay childcare.
What I did love was I got my work done then had the rest of the day to do the things I wanted/needed to with my kids.
Yes the works repetitive but like others have said listening to something makes the time pass.

I cannot believe how much your life sounds like mine!! Did I write this in my sleep lol. As it turns out I actually prefer being a cleaner to working in an office (something I did from the 1980s to 2000s). I lost a new office job due to Covid and (reluctantly) became a cleaner because that was all I could get then. Now I don’t even bother looking for office jobs and prefer to stick to cleaning ones.