So annoyed with cms always taking mums word for it

[cmsdont]

Dsd is not in full time education, she wants a job, hasn’t enrolled on any courses and doesn’t want too, we have actually encouraged her to try a course out but she’s flat refusing. She lives with her bf as she doesn’t get on with her mum, she’s lived there since January.
We’re paying her boyfriends mum board to keep her (she won’t come and live with us we’ve already tried that)
We’re also paying her £20 a week pocket money.
Meanwhile her mum has told the cms she is in full time educational and they have just gone oh okay then, dh you have to keep paying. wtf?! Does she not have to provide evidence she’s in education?!
We’re paying everybody at the moment!!
How is this okay? How can the resident parent just lye and the cms take their word for it ?
Dh has always paid, always given extra and even now we’re paying a stranger money.

And to top it off we have messages between dsd and her mum arguing over pip money and her mum admitting she’s made out dsd is more disabled than she is to get the top rate of pip! (Dsd diagnosed adhd but in no way needs the top whack, She’s more than capable of doing things for herself) they have a will assessment soon where her mum has told her to keep quiet and she’ll do all the talking. I’m so fucking angry she keeps getting away with this shit !!

Well your DH needs to contact CMS and tell them his DD is not in education and no longer lives with either parent. It will then be up to her mother to prove she is I would have thought. Your DH can just stop paying meanwhile, nothing happens to men who don't pay.

He has done this !! He got the letter back this morning rejecting it

Why are you paying her boyfriend's mum and giving her pocket money?

Yes this, he needs to let them know she isnt in education and not living with her mum either, but i think he still needs to support his Dd.

This Morning as in Sunday morning?

Oh your post has everything going on doesn't it,

Can you get something in writing from BF parents to say she has been living there since January and isn’t in education, he’s got to keep trying.

Stop paying the pocket money and the bf mum and give them a copy of the letter and say since her mum is claiming cs, they should go to her for the money.

Mumsnet can verify how long I’ve been here.
would you like to see the proof?
the letter has been uploaded to the portal. Not by actual post.

He should stop paying the boyfriend's mum and pay the person he is legally obliged to make payment to (currently) ie her mum.

How old is DSD? Is she legally supposed to be in school. That may be why the cms will believe she is if she is of an age whereby she should be. I assume she is under 18 otherwise CM wouldn't be payable.

If the boyfriend's mum wants to charge her to stay there then the DSD should sort this out or at least ask her mum to fund it because at present your DP is obliged to pay the maintenance to the mother. If your DP can't afford his CMS payment and £20 allowance he should stop paying the allowance.

I won't do the it's his responsibility why are you so involved because we run household finances thing here too. But we did pay maintenance to the person we were legally obliged to!

He’s asking dsd to write to the cms herself

She is 16

Stop paying the woman her keep then. Force change.

Tell his daughter that she needs to contact the benefits people to let them know her change in circumstances. And that he will help her to do this. And that no more money or pocket money will be forthcoming until she does. I’d tell the woman she lives with too so she knows she has to also make this happen. (You may however get resistance if she is on benefits herself and this will change things for the worse for her).

It can take years otherwise. I knew someone who the dad took the daughter in permanently with him and the drunken useless lazy mum kept getting all the money.
He told the benefits people repeatedly. In writing. Did everything right (business man not a numpty just unfamiliar with benefits system but tried to do it right).
They kept not believing him.
It was over a year when I last heard. The kid was only 12 and the mum wasn’t washing her clothes or feeding her, just using all the benefits money for herself. So the dad couldn’t send her back there. Shocking.

So get her back into school.

Fair was just wondering, he probably should appeal that today, there is a teenager living with a boyfriend like she is a grown up while the actual grown ups are arguing about money, she should be priority.

Your DH should focus on getting his. DD back into education or apprenticeship and be a decent parent. Stop wasting time on the money issue. Stop her pocket money until she does sign up for a course or get a job.

She is the priority that’s why we’ve been supporting her to find a job, paying her bfs mum to keep her and fixing her pocket money

Do you have any ideas how ? She won’t go to college lol we have sent her numerous courses, spoke to her about how she won’t get a full time job at her age and that this whole pip thing isn’t designed to be in place of a wage. She isn’t interested.

Stop paying her pocket money until she goes to college. No bus fare, no phone, absolutely nothing. Anything you give dsd is on condition she goes to college.

Stop paying her bf's mother anything. Tell her to get the money from dsd's mother.

Inform cms where dsd is actually living (which is with neither parent) and that dsd is no longer in education or training.

Stop paying her boyfriend’s mum board for a start. She either lives with you or her mum or she sorts herself out.

Sounds like you’re both letting her walk all over you.

£20 a week pocket money reward on top for refusing to live at home? If she wants to act the big adult and refuse to live at home stop funding her.

I agree your husband needs to tell them she is living at X address and not at her mums and keep telling them.

absolutely ridiculous that you’ve been funding this girls lifestyle choices. If she think she’s grown and doesn’t want to live with dad or mum than stop paying the BFs mum. It should be for her to sort. She’s 16 parent her. Stop the pocket money. If she wants money she either has to get back in education apprenticeship

She won’t live with us because we live about 45 min drive away. So she won’t be with her friends and bf. Believe me we have really tried to get her to live with us but she is very very stubborn and will stop talking to us. Dh I think doesn’t like upsetting her either. paying her bfs mum is annoying me to be honest.

i would ring and report it all.

I can see how all the money going out is irritating but your husband will be paying out so he doesn't upset anybody, if he gets the Cms sorted then that would be a positive start, I have no idea how it got to this that she lives with her boyfriends family, the breakdown in relationships must be hard, and I know it will seem like your husband daughter has her own way but she maybe didn't see much option if she doesn't like either parent.