So annoyed with cms always taking mums word for it

[cmsdont]

Dsd is not in full time education, she wants a job, hasn’t enrolled on any courses and doesn’t want too, we have actually encouraged her to try a course out but she’s flat refusing. She lives with her bf as she doesn’t get on with her mum, she’s lived there since January.
We’re paying her boyfriends mum board to keep her (she won’t come and live with us we’ve already tried that)
We’re also paying her £20 a week pocket money.
Meanwhile her mum has told the cms she is in full time educational and they have just gone oh okay then, dh you have to keep paying. wtf?! Does she not have to provide evidence she’s in education?!
We’re paying everybody at the moment!!
How is this okay? How can the resident parent just lye and the cms take their word for it ?
Dh has always paid, always given extra and even now we’re paying a stranger money.

And to top it off we have messages between dsd and her mum arguing over pip money and her mum admitting she’s made out dsd is more disabled than she is to get the top rate of pip! (Dsd diagnosed adhd but in no way needs the top whack, She’s more than capable of doing things for herself) they have a will assessment soon where her mum has told her to keep quiet and she’ll do all the talking. I’m so fucking angry she keeps getting away with this shit !!

She is 1000% not on a course. We think it’s because she’s still getting child benefit, they are both linked.

Again, what should we do to force her into college ?

So contact CMS with the proof she is not in full time education. Report the pip abuse, it can be done anonymously.

I don’t see how paying the boyfriend’s mom and giving the child pocket money gets her back into school or education. It seems much more likely that you are just funding a teenager to get pregnant as early as possible and destroy all opportunities of becoming self-supporting.

dad may be stuck paying the mother cms for now, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t need to stop coddling his teenager.

Thank you for this. I was hesitant to post this on here because I understand cms can be a touchy subject, but not all men are dead beats who don’t want to pay, sometimes the exs are the liars and make your life a misery through spite, and greed it seems !

Thanks for the tip. I will tell dh to go through child benefit.

Yes dsd is going to call them tomorrow after speaking with dh today

It’s actually child benefit you need to inform that DSD is no longer in education, once that is stopped then CMS is no longer payable.

I suggest DH puts in a claim for the CB.

I did say she’ll end up pregnant myself actually

He should challenge the "resident parent" part as she isn't living with her mum

Stop funding her poor choices.
Why would she attend school/ college/ get a job. The money is just being handed to her. That needs to change or she will never have the incentive to do anything with her life.
No more money to boyfriends mum, no more pocket money. No cms.
Inform the cms, child benefit , whoever you can of where dd is actually living. Which is with neither parent.

I agree, stop paying the boyfriend’s parents. You’re trying to be kind but I think you’re actually enabling her to just doss around.

Everyone needs to pressure the mum to do what’s right. She’s being enabled too with this set-up.

The CMS take notification from child benefit. If they agree he owes it she has also told them not only that she is in education it which college!!! You need to report her there

CMS won't do anything while she's getting CB. Basically if she's entitled to CB, and they can check if it's in payment, then she's entitled to CMS according to the blunt system.

He needs to report to CB that she's not in education any longer. Then once they establish that she's not entitled to CB CMS will stop being due - he also needs to push with CB that the date of entitlement needs to reflect accurately when she was no longer entitled, not just stop from today. That way he can claim back his CMS payments.

Yes dsd is going to call them tomorrow after speaking with dh today

That won't make any difference. It's the Child benefit that is the key.

Like you’ve correctly said, you can’t. What you can do though, is stop funding her choice to live at her boyfriends.

It’s tough because we don’t want to see dsd with nothing to live on and it isn’t fair for her bfs mum to be paying for an extra mouth to house and feed either.
But I do agree with what you’re saying, we’re making it easy for her to just chill !
Maybe the next thing is we can say is if you’re
not going to college you’ll have to come and live at ours as we can’t afford to keep paying… she wouldn’t like that one bit

Thanks.

Can you speak to the bfs mum? Is he also just dossing around?

Try this… tell her you will give her the CMS yourself if she comes clean to benefits that she is no longer in education with proof of actually doing so.
She is aware that comitting pip fraud it wont be her mum repaying them back; it would be DSD. Isnt she?

Would it really be dsd who would be blamed for it and not her appointee ?

Would it really be dsd who would be blamed for it and not her appointee ?

For the duration of an adult claim the appointee and claimant are generally held jointly responsible. It's not always as simple as the appointee gets the sole blame.

Especially in a situation where a claimant is aware their claim has been exaggerated and could reasonably be expected to have been honest about that themselves.

Before going down any route of suggesting she says her mum has been committing fraud you need to get DSD good legal advice so she doesn't end up in trouble herself.

@cmsdont what does the ex give as the reason for DSD needing pip payment?

We have no idea, all we know is what dsd has told us. Which is, she wants a motability car and that she can learn to drive a year early with her diagnosis ? I didn’t know that.
Her mum has said she can’t make her own food, plays with knives in the kitchen, she cannot travel anywhere alone without becoming confused and anxious (which is not true she doesn’t even live at home for a start and has been on holidays with her friend)
Needs prompting to bathe herself etc

Thank you for this. I would think though the fact dsd is a child should go with her. She doesn’t understand long term implications like an adult would, all she sees is pound signs