So annoyed with cms always taking mums word for it

[cmsdont]

Dsd is not in full time education, she wants a job, hasn’t enrolled on any courses and doesn’t want too, we have actually encouraged her to try a course out but she’s flat refusing. She lives with her bf as she doesn’t get on with her mum, she’s lived there since January.
We’re paying her boyfriends mum board to keep her (she won’t come and live with us we’ve already tried that)
We’re also paying her £20 a week pocket money.
Meanwhile her mum has told the cms she is in full time educational and they have just gone oh okay then, dh you have to keep paying. wtf?! Does she not have to provide evidence she’s in education?!
We’re paying everybody at the moment!!
How is this okay? How can the resident parent just lye and the cms take their word for it ?
Dh has always paid, always given extra and even now we’re paying a stranger money.

And to top it off we have messages between dsd and her mum arguing over pip money and her mum admitting she’s made out dsd is more disabled than she is to get the top rate of pip! (Dsd diagnosed adhd but in no way needs the top whack, She’s more than capable of doing things for herself) they have a will assessment soon where her mum has told her to keep quiet and she’ll do all the talking. I’m so fucking angry she keeps getting away with this shit !!

I remember your other post, report it to dwp about the pip fraud now. This is getting silly.
report to CMS that shes not in education and not living at home, they will have to investigate and will ask mum to show proof.

This. Does he always give up so easily?

He needs to go back to them, with a letter from the boyfriend's parents. Also stop paying her pocket money and then stop paying the boyfriend's parents.

Tell dsd she either has to go home or live with you, until the CMS issue is resolved.

I don’t blame dsd in anyway, I’m sorry if it’s come across that way, we have a good relationship and we talk all the time. It’s her mum that gets to me, all the lying and trying to make our lives miserable

Dsd is calling tomorrow. He hasn’t given up either. Why the snarky comment ? This thread was me ranting

I’m going to. I’ve had enough of all this. Do you think the dwp will talk to me if i call them ?

Oh I wasn't meaning you blamed her but something has happened that she is unhappy in her home, yes i know the boyfriends house will seem better but it really isn't, his mum taking her in was kind but what if they break up where is she going to go?

They wont tell you anything but you can say you think the mother is claiming fraudulently but do you think taking the money from the girl is going to make her do what you want ?

Well stop paying the boyfriend’s mum. He already pays maintenance to the mother so the mother should pay for her keep out of that. Not your problem then. Bite the bullet and do it.

‘Dh I think doesn’t like upsetting her’

this is the problem. You have written this as if it’s a positive trait, but it’s not, it’s really poor parenting. Avoiding conflict so that everyone likes you is weak and cowardly. He needs to actually parent his daughter.

so no more paying the bfs mum, no more £20 a week. She has been spoilt by him and this is the result.

Dh I think doesn’t like upsetting her either.

This, I suspect, is at the root of it - boundaries aren't enforced because her dad doesn't want to upset her. So she thinks she can do what she wants e.g. not go to college, live with her boyfriend while being given no-strings pocket money. Sometimes being a good parent means doing things that will upset your child.

No they wont talk to you. You need to report it online through the fraud service. Make sure you list everything & explain in detail.

Yes i am trying to but it won’t let me go any further it keeps saying this -

• There is a problemOther information must only include letters a-z, numbers, hyphens, apostrophes, commas and full stops

I’m just trying to write the information in the boxes. All written correctly so no idea why it won’t let me submit it

My question would be why are you sorting all of this? Reporting his ex for PIP fraud? Worrying about what money your DSD has or not? This is for her dad to take care of. He needs to step up, set boundaries and expectations, work with her to figure out a solution, not you.

Does the ex work? It sounds like DSD has seen her Mum not have to & thinks it’s ok. What on earth does she do all day if she isn’t in school & also not working? The council have a responsibility to check all 16-18 are in education. Maybe get in touch with the council & see if they can contact & support with college. I’m surprised her boyfriend’s parents have agreed to have her there. I agree with others it’s up to her Mum to pay them - she is presumably getting child benefit, universal credit & pip based on her being at home with her. She is also getting maintenance from your household. I think if she is not with her Mum then at least this part needs to go directly to DD to cover things a parent would usually pay for - bus fares, clothes etc.

You cant use grammar in it. Basically just letters no full stops, comas etc.

I’m not sorting it all. I’m ranting about the cms rejecting my husbands letter telling them about the change of circumstances. You know what they said ? They have said they’ve spoken with the resident parent who said their daughter was still in full time education and have accepted that. My argument is how is that okay? Since when do they not require proof ?

I don’t see how my dh is the bad guy in your eyes. Can women do no wrong ? Can they not be liars and bad people ? He has stepped up, he is paying out hundreds of pounds each month for his dd but he still isn’t doing enough ? Really ?
He has had several conversations with dsd about college, we cannot force her to go.
I think also you think this doesn’t concern me when in actual fact I have helped raise dd for the last 13 years and have three children who are her siblings. So yes. When our household income is going towards this it does concern me. The usual trope of having to step up for your stepchildren but have no actual say in anything.

Her mum does work yes. No one will believe me on here but she really is a very manipulative and nasty person, and dsd would tell you that herself. There is a reason she can’t live with her.

Yeah we are helping dsd out because we have a responsibility for her, her mum does too but doesn’t think she has to pay anyone board for her keep or help towards dsds living costs. She just wants to claim dla/pip for dsd, not spend it in her best interests and go on holiday with her bf every month as dsd has said (her words)
Dsd isn’t even allowed ten pounds off her mum when she’s asked ! So she asks us instead

Also dh can’t just stop paying the cms. It would then be classed as in arrears so he’s still paying

Is there a reason she doesn't live with you since she doesn't get on with her mum? 16 is very young to be living with a boyfriend, how did that happen?

It isn’t enough to just pay for your kids. You need to parent them. He isn’t doing that. He is funding her to not work, not go to school, and just hang around her boyfriend’s house.

That’s not what happens. CMS contacts the education provider who have to write to them declaring what course the child is undertaking. They don’t just take the word of the receiving parent.
Something is amiss here.

DSD needs to have her PIP paid directly into her own account now. She would have received a letter before turning 16 about this.

She won’t relocate to us 45 mins away.

Such a difficult situation OP. My husbands friend was in the same position with the CMS kid was working and living with partner but Mum was claiming CB and saying was in full time education, it did eventually get sorted but it was hard. He had to prove to CB (child benefit) that mum was claiming it when she wasn't meant to by proving she was working, his DD did provide proof so it was less tricky to do this, then when mum wasn't receiving CB anymore then he went back to CMS and they did after a while close the case.

I'd try going through child benefit for fraud as I should imagine they'd ask mum for proof of her being in education if fraud is flagged up and I'd report her for the PIP fraud too.

She did write them a letter asking for this to happen. She told them she was capable of handling her own finances. Then her mum wasn’t happy because she said she had messed it all up and now they want to do a full assessment of dsd