So I don’t know if I’m going insane or imagining things, but my MIL’s behavior is really getting to me and it’s starting to affect my relationship with my partner. Every time I bring it up, we end up arguing, because he seems oblivious to the little slights his mother makes. It makes me second-guess myself, but I can’t shake how much it’s wearing me down. I feel like my MIL constantly minimizes my role and achievements.
Examples:
- The worst part for me is how she talks about my career. I’m proud of being a nurse, but she constantly downplays it. She once said she thought a nurse was “just a receptionist.” When I had to give evidence in a coroner’s court about a death, she dismissed it with, “The doctors are in charge so you’ve got nothing to worry about.” I’ve tried explaining that nursing is a professional, licensed career with a governing body and huge responsibility, but it never gets through to her. It feels like she’s minimizing not just me, but the whole profession. But then again, when there's been a scenario concerning a solicitor (her daughter had a client in for hairdressing that's a solicitor) or a radiographer, she has said lovely words about how they have such good careers etc?
- She asked me, “How did you get all that money?” after I explained how I saved for my deposit. (I owned the house before I got with my partner, the he moved in with me and pays his share of the bills etc). For the purpose of this post, I'll refer to my boyfriend as 'Steve'. She always refers to the house as my boyfriend’s (“I’m at Steve’s”), never mine, even though I bought it and built up the equity. She even makes comments to him like, “To afford that renovation you’d have to remortgage, Steve", as if I don’t exist?
- When I treated myself to a designer bag, she said “didn’t think you’d be into designer stuff.” She’ll say things like, “the older you get the more you realise Shein and Primark are cheap tat” (she knows I buy clothes from there if I like it).
- She’s asked personal questions like, “does your mum own her house or is it council/corporation?” which just feels invasive and judgmental. Why would it matter if she didn't own her house? And then asked the same question about if it's my step-dad's house rather than my mum's (when I already answered her question weeks before).
- Even small things such as "pot noodles are on offer" (She knows I try to cook from scratch at all times as I like to be healthy) and "you can cook now" (I've lived on my own so I could cook then). It comes across patronising.
On top of that, her daughter/his sister blanked me completely at a get-together (while warmly greeting the other DIL). I haven’t done anything to her, but it was so blatant I’ve stopped going to family events altogether.
I honestly feel like my confidence is at an all-time low because of his family, especially the MIL. It feels like she's constantly minimizing me like she’s trying to make me smaller than I am. It hurts especially because I’ve gone above and beyond for her son, I even helped him get out of debt and paid off a huge sum. So I don’t understand what her problem is with me.
My partner says he’s tried talking to her and even told her "can you start bigging her up because her confidence is low?” but that's put it across as if I'm begging for compliments!
How do I stop this from eating away at me? Has anyone else dealt with a MIL who constantly minimizes you?-