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Original poster

Do you go out when your young child is ill?

52 replies

TripleTruffle · 26/09/2025 17:12

I was meant to go out today with a friend but my 2 (nearly 3) year old is ill. Lethargic, eyes vacant, 40 degree fever, crying and asking for me. I have a DH and my friend (single mum) has asked why I can't leave DC with him.

I'm just wondering if it's normal for others to go out in these circumstances?

OP posts:
Springadorable · 26/09/2025 17:12

I wouldn't. They are pretty ill and need their mum.

Devilsmommy · 26/09/2025 17:13

I wouldn't personally but that's just because my little one only wants me when he's that ill. If yours can be comforted by his dad just as well then I guess there's no problem really. Though I'd be calling to check on him maybe

CracklingFlames · 26/09/2025 17:13

With a temp of 40°, no way would I be going out unless it was to the hospital...

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Keroppi · 26/09/2025 17:15

She's probably desperate for some adult time and has arranged childcare. I can understand both sides. I think it depends what the day out is, I'd probably still go out but cut it short and stay close to home or at least check in with DH on how he is and then stay later out if all was OK and temp was coming down with meds.

Usually snuggles, cbeebies and calpol and ibuprofen cycled should be enough.. but 40c is pretty high and extremely concerning if not controlled with meds

SparkyBlue · 26/09/2025 17:16

no I wouldn’t and I wouldn’t pass any apology about it to anyone

TartanMammy · 26/09/2025 17:16

Yes of course. As long as it's not a serious illness and they are with another parent who can take care of them, I would have gone. No need to be a martyr.

If DC was healthy you would leave the with their Dad? Would dad hesitate to leave you with the sick child? You are both equal parents.

MumChp · 26/09/2025 17:18

If my husband is at home taking care of the child I would leave home to have lunch with a friend. I see no reason not to.

PumpkinSparkleFairy · 26/09/2025 17:25

I wouldn’t if DC was asking for me.

That is a high fever as well!

Youcancallmeirrelevant · 26/09/2025 17:25

I would if the other parent was home

cadburyegg · 26/09/2025 17:33

It depends.

Your dh is also a parent and presumably more than capable of stepping up to look after the child. If there is only 1 child that makes it easier. I don’t think mums do themselves any favours long term to cancel for the odd sniffle when there is another parent around.

For a very young child who clearly wants their primary carer, then no I probably wouldn’t go out.

atamlin · 26/09/2025 17:36

No, I never do. At the end of a cold and a bit snotty, yes, but not when they’re poorly.

FuzzyWolf · 26/09/2025 17:39

Yes, I would. My DH is very capable and my children are happily comforted by him. I never go out for longer than a couple of hours anyway.

Blondeshavemorefun · 26/09/2025 17:41

You are both parents so yes if the dad is capable and all should be ………

as your friend is single she has obv had to make plans /pay Childcare so wants to use it

saying that I get leaving an ill child isn’t nice esp if 40*. The temp would worry me

Andnowshesapreschooler · 26/09/2025 17:43

Yes and no.
Something pre booked and would loose money to not go to potentially yes. If my daughter was ok with stopping with her dad. My husband is very capable and is actually the preferred parent majority of the time.
A wonder round the shopping centre and a coffee with a friend probably not.

GameOfJones · 26/09/2025 17:47

I would if me cancelling was going to impact the other person (e.g your friend having arranged a babysitter) and as long as I wasn't going too far from home.

DH is an equal parent and perfectly capable of looking after DDs when they are ill. If he wasn't then I wouldn't have had children with him!

Lilithcomelightly · 26/09/2025 17:53

Under the circumstances that you describe OP, I would only leave my child with my DH or DM if I had a medical appointment to attend.
Just to go out to be social with someone who asks me why I can't leave my very ill child to visit ,would be a strong no from me.

Helanappe · 26/09/2025 17:55

I would have when we just had dc1, now we have 2 I would rather stay home and have one adult look after dc1 and the other look after dc2. I've gone out and left DH with one ill child and taken the other one out. Neither of our dcs are particularly fussy about just having mum or dad when ill (they want one of us but either one will do) so that wouldn't be an issue.

minipie · 26/09/2025 17:59

Honestly I’d probably go but end up texting home a lot for updates. Which isn’t good either way really. Not sure what the best answer is.

reluctantbrit · 26/09/2025 18:05

I may go for a short while but not a full night out. A meal with one drink for example, especially if the other person has made arrangements like a babysitter.

DH is perfectly able to handle a sick DD (I left him with a chickenpox DD to go on a business trip) but if it's more than your average cold I think I would be concerned and wouldn't really enjoy myself.

ShesTheAlbatross · 26/09/2025 18:12

Yes I would. If they don’t require medical attention, their dad is perfectly capable. And it’s him they call for in the middle of the night anyway so he’s just as much of a comfort, if not more.

CatamaranViper · 26/09/2025 18:17

I have done. Always with a caveat that I will come back if they need me. Often DS will just want a cuddle and he's more than happy with either DH or me for that.

MellowPinkDeer · 26/09/2025 18:30

If their dad was home I fail to see the difference between the two parents ???

Hobbitfeet32 · 26/09/2025 18:35

Yes I would. As long as they weren’t seriously unwell. Those saying they wouldn’t just curious do you have both parents say off work if a child is ill? Would you not want your other half to go out if the child was ill.

ShodAndShadySenators · 26/09/2025 18:38

I don't think I could, no. I'd be very apologetic and try to make it up to them, but DS always wants me if he's ill. DH is his preferred parent most of the time but when illness strikes, or he's awake with panic attacks, it's always me. And he is prone to very high fevers, like 42 degrees... I wouldn't be able to leave him like that, although DH is very good parent. I couldn't relax at all.

MidnightPatrol · 26/09/2025 18:39

Why do you both need to be at home with DS?

Your DH can do it, you can enjoy your lunch.

It is frustrating when people cancel - its so hard to arrange child-free plans, if I have a weekend plan with a friend it might be the only person not from my household I see really.