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Original poster

Do you go out when your young child is ill?

52 replies

TripleTruffle · 26/09/2025 17:12

I was meant to go out today with a friend but my 2 (nearly 3) year old is ill. Lethargic, eyes vacant, 40 degree fever, crying and asking for me. I have a DH and my friend (single mum) has asked why I can't leave DC with him.

I'm just wondering if it's normal for others to go out in these circumstances?

OP posts:
PastaAllaNorma · 26/09/2025 18:40

I would go out. But I was on Child 3 and had had years of being the Required Nursemaid Parent when I decided their dad was just as capable as being clung to as me, and I need the break.

ShowOfHands · 26/09/2025 18:47

Personally, I wouldn't go. Not because dh isn't capable but because there's no way I'd be able to relax and enjoy myself.

TheChosenTwo · 26/09/2025 18:52

I would and have done.
Dh is a capable and competent father to leave his own children with.

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mindutopia · 26/09/2025 18:58

Sure, if Dh was home and not working. I obviously wouldn’t leave him with a poorly child while he was working and expect him to manage everything because you can’t look after a child and work. But on a day off, sure, if he was free and didn’t need to be somewhere urgent and childfree.

I probably wouldn’t want to go anywhere in the evening if I knew I’d have disrupted sleep with a poorly child or if I was going to need to get up early to relieve Dh who had been up all night. I’d be home going to bed early, but that’s because sleep is more important than friends to me. 😂

TheWrongReasons · 26/09/2025 19:01

If my child was asking for me, then no. If they were asking for their dad, he would stay home. We are both competent parents but it’s about our children being comforted in the way they want and need when they’re ill. Our friends would understand.

Iamthemoom · 26/09/2025 19:01

When dd was little I would never have left her sick. She would need me and I would want to be the one looking after her.

totalrocket · 26/09/2025 19:03

No

cygnusgenie · 26/09/2025 19:04

TripleTruffle · 26/09/2025 17:12

I was meant to go out today with a friend but my 2 (nearly 3) year old is ill. Lethargic, eyes vacant, 40 degree fever, crying and asking for me. I have a DH and my friend (single mum) has asked why I can't leave DC with him.

I'm just wondering if it's normal for others to go out in these circumstances?

No, I probably wouldn't, given how you describe it. But I wouldn't judge someone who feels that they are safely taken care of by their father. A lesser illness, yes I would.

CurlewKate · 26/09/2025 19:11

40 is pretty high. But if the child was happy to be left with her dad of course I would. Because I chose a responsible adult to have children with.

ComfortFoodCafe · 26/09/2025 19:13

No, but one of mine is a diabetic & illnesses can be deadly to him so I dont have a choice. I dont think I would either if I did have the choice, i would be worrying about them when I was out!

Minimalistmamaoftwo · 26/09/2025 19:18

No I wouldn’t. Not because my husband isn’t equally capable of taking care of and comforting our children but because with a temp like that I would be anxious about them and wouldn’t be able to enjoy myself. I would also like to be there because rightly or wrongly children often want their mum when they are very poorly

ttcbabyno2ber · 26/09/2025 19:19

Your single mum friend would have had to have arranged some sort of childcare for your lunch (I’m guessing?) so she may be saying that becuase she’s disappointed your cancelling.

My DH is very capable and of course has looked after DC when they have been poorly with mild sickness or colds. Your child seems quite poorly and I don’t think I would be able to relax and my heart would want to be at home with my toddler knowing they just want me. My child over my friends, all the time x

DaisyChain505 · 26/09/2025 19:20

Your child is lucky enough to live with both of their parents. You don’t both need to be there. By you cancelling on your friend and staying home you’re telling your husband that he isn’t a good enough parent and that it’s you who the kids need when they’re ill.

You’ve said your friend is a single parent so this is probably a rare occasion for her to have some adult only time and she’s rightly frustrated that you’re letting her down.

Pancakeorcrepe · 26/09/2025 19:54

Would your partner hesitate leaving you with a sick child? No.
Therefore you shouldn’t either. If your child only wants the mum, that’s because the dad isn’t doing enough parenting.

TheWrongReasons · 26/09/2025 20:02

Pancakeorcrepe · 26/09/2025 19:54

Would your partner hesitate leaving you with a sick child? No.
Therefore you shouldn’t either. If your child only wants the mum, that’s because the dad isn’t doing enough parenting.

Maybe that is your experience but not mine. Sometimes our children wanted me, sometimes their dad, probably because we both did parent equally.

Springadorable · 26/09/2025 20:03

Pancakeorcrepe · 26/09/2025 19:54

Would your partner hesitate leaving you with a sick child? No.
Therefore you shouldn’t either. If your child only wants the mum, that’s because the dad isn’t doing enough parenting.

Orrrrr you could stop trying to point score against your partner and do what is in the best interests of the child, who has a really high temp and is clearly unwell?

Furgal · 26/09/2025 20:07

No i wouldn't. Dh is less attuned to what's normal. I wouldn't risk it.

Lavender14 · 26/09/2025 20:16

Id have had no issues leaving ds with stbxh for an hour or so and to be honest, caring for a sick child can be intense so the break can be a good thing. I would have made sure I'm contactable and I wouldn't have gone too far and I'd have driven and not drank so I could go home quickly if needed and only gone for an hour or so.

I think it depends on how ill your child is, how competent a parent your dh is and whether or not your dc will settle for him.

As a now lone parent, it's a bit shit when you move heaven and earth to try and make yourself available and someone cancels. I get absolutely no time to myself apart from when I'm in work so the extremely rare occasion where I get to spend time with a friend and no kids seriously refills my cup and I will be excited about it for weeks in advance. I think it's fair for her to query why your dh can't hold fort with his own child tbh. Especially because if this was a work commitment rather than a friend commitment then it's highly unlikely you'd both be at home.

I think as mums we can make ourselves too available, be too quick to sacrifice, be too quick to take on responsibilities and all that really generates is an unequal load and often plays into weaponised incompetence (subconsciously or consciously). It doesn't do any of us any favours.

Original poster
TripleTruffle · 26/09/2025 21:18

To cover a couple of points, friend has no children at home until Sunday. Their son is with their father Friday after school pickup until Sunday evening. It was just a catch up over drinks, although we've both had to reschedule a few times, which is mostly typical of both our lifestyles.

DH can look after his children and has cancelled going out a few times before when DC have been quite ill. Notably, he missed a close friend's wedding when our eldest was younger due to how sick DC was at the time and wanted to be home, just in case. I trust DC would have been fine if not clinging to me.

OP posts:
Ellie1015 · 26/09/2025 21:20

For a cold i would still go out, but your dc seems worse than that so no I wouldnt.

MouseCheese87 · 26/09/2025 21:20

No. I like to be nearby to keep an eye on them. It's not that their dad is incapable but I worry a lot and I can't enjoy myself if I'm worried about them.

QueenOfCastille · 28/09/2025 00:16

Yes, I'd have gone out if my DH was around.

Yellowrose225588 · 28/09/2025 00:18

No I wouldn’t because I wouldn’t want to and wouldn’t enjoy it. BUT DH would be quite capable of looking after a sick child and if I wanted to go he would do so. So I think it is personal preference.

justasking111 · 28/09/2025 00:22

At 40c I'd be worried about convulsions. So no id be watching them like a hawk.

CountryQueen · 28/09/2025 00:24

No, I wouldn’t enjoy myself knowing my child was asking for me so I’d rather rearrange. Dad is completely capable but I just wouldn’t want to 🤷🏽‍♀️