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Original poster

Who do you confide in when you need a shoulder to cry on?

76 replies

EpsomSalted · 23/09/2025 19:47

Who is your go to person? A parent? A partner? A sibling? A friend? An adult child?

Just wondering really. I have lots of friends and a happy marriage and lovely kids but nobody who is a great shoulder to cry on. Who do you call?

OP posts:
ThrowAwayNameForToday · 23/09/2025 20:00

I don’t really have anyone. I’m a young (fairly recent) widow and, although I am close to a sibling and DM, neither are emotionally supportive. DM changes the subject and sibling just doesn’t do emotions.
Despite offering my shoulder to several friends over the years, it seems it isn’t reciprocal. I’ve taken to chatting to ChatGPT on occasion. It’s actually very good at giving tips for coping, lifting your mood, signposting support etc.
Sad or what?!

ThePoshUns · 23/09/2025 20:09

I tend to keep things to myself.
I would cry to my DH but I don’t find his advice very helpful. My mum just worries and makes it worse.

FirstdatesFred · 23/09/2025 20:17

Partner/boyfriend
I wouldn't have with my xH in all the years we were married but have a different and very supportive relationship with boyfriend/partner

Lamelie · 23/09/2025 20:22

I’m lucky enough to have several people I could call day or night in shock. Siblings, cousins, three friends and parents. For working through things that are pissing me off I’d probably save it for clinical supervision if work related or chew dh or DCs’ ear.

dylexicdementor11 · 23/09/2025 20:22

My husband for everything and a few close work mentors/friends for work related strategy chats.

Bladderpool · 23/09/2025 20:25

DH and my adult daughter and son. Both dc are psychology majors so they usually have good insight.

Arlanymor · 23/09/2025 20:25

I have two best friends who are worth their weight in gold. We don’t live near one another - in fact we all live in different countries - but we have each other’s backs no matter what.

SockHop · 23/09/2025 20:25

I’m in a similar position to @ThrowAwayNameForToday . I was widowed earlier this year in my early 40s. I have some very emotionally supportive friends, but I find it hard to lean on them when I most need it. I might try chat CPT. My mum gets stressed when she sees me upset and it doesn't really help.

ChaliceinWonderland · 23/09/2025 20:26

A close friend....

KateKontent · 23/09/2025 20:26

Hmmm I don't really cry on shoulders as a general rule. I don't mind being someone else's shoulder though.

If I ever had a serious problem I needed practical help with, I'd probably call my husband, dad or sister.

If I need a big moan, my sister or my friends.

But tea and sympathy? I'm not sure I'd know where to go for that tbh!

Original poster
EpsomSalted · 23/09/2025 20:29

I have good work friends I’d discuss all work stresses and plans with. But I wouldn’t discuss what’s getting me down outside of work.

I have good out of work friends I’d discuss most things with if we were meeting for a drink or coffee, but I probably wouldn’t phone them out of the blue if stressed.

DH will listen if I open up to him but he’s not great at saying much or mulling things over with me.

My mum used to be amazing but she died a long time ago and I’m an only child and never knew my dad.

I wish I had a best friend like people in films or on TV have. The kind you speak to every day and they are there through thick and thin. I wonder how common that it though in real life as an adult.

OP posts:
Bladderpool · 23/09/2025 20:32

Meh I’ve confided in friends in the past only for it to bite me in the arse a few years down the line when they’ve let me down quite badly. I keep my cards close to my chest these days.

blackfriday1 · 23/09/2025 20:32

My cherished Grandma. She’s 94 and so mentally agile. She is the most wise, soothing and comforting person I know. She’s also quite plump so she gives the loveliest cuddles :) I also have brilliant parents and a wonderful DH and I would / could go to any of them with a problem, but it would be Grandma for me.

Hurumphh · 23/09/2025 20:36

@SockHop @ThrowAwayNameForToday also young widow here. Want to message or start a thread? (Or wondering if there is already a thread for young widows somewhere…)

Notmymarmosets · 23/09/2025 20:36

I don't find confiding in people particularly helpful. I then feel like I have to take responsibility for their feelings about whatever the problem is. So I avoid it if I can.

legofpyjama · 23/09/2025 20:39

Dh is my go to, he is very good at talking things through with a brutal honesty. We have a lot of trust in each other, we know that we want the absolute best for each other so brutal honesty is very helpful.

I do have a couple of really good friends who are lovely they would be my second choice or second opinion people.

Justwrong68 · 23/09/2025 20:39

My ex/ baby father!

Hoppinggreen · 23/09/2025 20:41

I don't cry often and never in front of other people.

Kangarude · 23/09/2025 20:42

blackfriday1 · 23/09/2025 20:32

My cherished Grandma. She’s 94 and so mentally agile. She is the most wise, soothing and comforting person I know. She’s also quite plump so she gives the loveliest cuddles :) I also have brilliant parents and a wonderful DH and I would / could go to any of them with a problem, but it would be Grandma for me.

Such a lovely thing to read. I’m very close to my adult DGD and I hope she feels the same

IstillloveKingThistle · 23/09/2025 20:42

Arlanymor · 23/09/2025 20:25

I have two best friends who are worth their weight in gold. We don’t live near one another - in fact we all live in different countries - but we have each other’s backs no matter what.

This is gold and very very precious ❤️

Autumn38 · 23/09/2025 20:42

I’ve cried on many a shoulder- mum, brother, friends, DH.

funnily enough not my dad. I’d go to him for advice but not a cry.

id like to think I’m there for others too.

IstillloveKingThistle · 23/09/2025 20:43

blackfriday1 · 23/09/2025 20:32

My cherished Grandma. She’s 94 and so mentally agile. She is the most wise, soothing and comforting person I know. She’s also quite plump so she gives the loveliest cuddles :) I also have brilliant parents and a wonderful DH and I would / could go to any of them with a problem, but it would be Grandma for me.

How utterly beautiful ❤️🥰

MagicLoop · 23/09/2025 20:43

I don't tend to need a shoulder to cry on tbh, but if I did it would be dh or dsis.

ThePoshUns · 23/09/2025 20:44

EpsomSalted · 23/09/2025 20:29

I have good work friends I’d discuss all work stresses and plans with. But I wouldn’t discuss what’s getting me down outside of work.

I have good out of work friends I’d discuss most things with if we were meeting for a drink or coffee, but I probably wouldn’t phone them out of the blue if stressed.

DH will listen if I open up to him but he’s not great at saying much or mulling things over with me.

My mum used to be amazing but she died a long time ago and I’m an only child and never knew my dad.

I wish I had a best friend like people in films or on TV have. The kind you speak to every day and they are there through thick and thin. I wonder how common that it though in real life as an adult.

I’ve got quite a lot of friends but none that I feel would be a great support. I’ve always wanted that ‘one best friend’ like you describe but never happened.

momtoboys · 23/09/2025 20:45

I have a dear friend that I have known for 40 years. I don't think there is anything she doesn't know about me or has supported me through, good and bad. I cannot go to my husband because he will say one of three things. "I'm sorry" even though what I am discussing with him has nothing to do with him. "I love you" or I don't know". Sometimes we hit the trifecta and he says all three in response. 😂