Who do you confide in when you need a shoulder to cry on?

[EpsomSalted]

Who is your go to person? A parent? A partner? A sibling? A friend? An adult child?

Just wondering really. I have lots of friends and a happy marriage and lovely kids but nobody who is a great shoulder to cry on. Who do you call?

Have you tried the live online workshops.
I joined one called frazzled cafe ruby wax is on there sometimes.

Nobody really. I keep things to myself

My three best friends.

My mum

I’m a Christian and find prayer really helpful. Sometimes I don’t speak but just cry to God.

I rarely cry, but when I do I prefer to be by myself and don't like to confide in anyone. I keep a journal and I have chats in my head, but really I think it's best to leave things unsaid when it comes to other people, and their advice is invariably poor. I think DH would like to be there for me but I've never had a crisis when I felt I needed him.

Can I point out as a writer, though, that the reason for best friends as portrayed in film or tv is for dramatic impact? Either because there’s someone the hero/heroine needs to confide in so we know what they’re thinking, or so they can be horribly betrayed by them, or so we can see they’re lying about something, and it’s easier for that confidante to be one named character.

And the reason for the tight ‘ride or die’ friendship group likewise — most of us have friends from different parts of our lives who don’t necessarily know one another, but that kind of realism isn’t going to work in a tv drama where no one wants to cast ten actors the audience mixes up when they can cast three.

It’s not that Sex and the City or Friends reflect real life.

I'm 34 but want to be someone's wise plump grandma one day 🥰

I hear and understand you, as I mull over things here too

It takes a village Indeed, in whatever shape or form you find it.

My Dad. He’s been my Mother and Father and my absolute rock. Couldn’t and don’t want to imagine my life without him

Exactly this.

DP is wonderful but has had a charmed life so can’t relate to my concerns or offer any useful advice.

DM is well-meaning but a catastrophizer, and her and I live on completely different planets - I’d have better luck explaining my problems to a chicken.

So I tend to keep things to myself.

I have a friend overseas I’m in daily text contact with. We share everything that’s going on in our lives, even though we haven’t seen each other in ages. We support each other and advise each other and have lots of laughs.

Apart from that, I talk to myself in the car. I explain whatever’s bothering me in my life in a very reasonable and dispassionate way, as though I’m making my case to some kind of independent adjudicator of whether I should really have to put up with this bullshit.

I find this oddly helpful though I imagine I look like a nutter when I’m stopped at traffic lights.

ATM it feels like I don’t have anyone.

my sister is lovely and caring, but she suffers from anxiety and I don’t feel I can burden her with my worries

my parents are elderly, my dad especially is turning into a real worrier as he gets older

we live quite far away so only see them infrequently anyway

DH unfortunately is suffering burnout and is really struggling with anger and depression atm. He actually is the source of a lot of my worries, it’s hard to live with all his stress.

my best friend here is great but her DH is good friends with mine, so I’m not very comfortable sharing my DH related woes with her.

And DH and I work at the same place, so although I have good friends at work, the situation with DH is not one I can talk openly about.

so I feel very alone with it.

Used to be my mama before she died but now very best friend and colleague. And my cats!!!!

2 particular friends. I'm careful not to too much when they have a lot on

One of my closest friends for emotional support or to have a quick moan about something irritating- she does the same with me. It’s a joke between us as we start the conversation with “I’m calling to complain!”

DH is good with work-related or practical problems. He has a solutions-based mind so if I just need to blow off steam, he’s not the best person.

DD (20) gives good advice, but I’m very careful what I tell her as my job is to support her, not vice versa.

Husband,siblings,parents but I rarely have anything I need to share lol

i didn’t know such a thing existed thank you

Yes my mum is a catastrophiser as well. And a pessimist! It just isn’t worth saying anything to her .

Myself. I dont see the point in sharing. Also I dont cry as it triggers headache and possible migraine so I avoid at all costs. I talk to myself on a regular basis in the car as that's my alone time. And again, when I go to bed, I talk to myself in my head. That does the trick.
I've never liked talking about personal stuff. I always imagine what would be the benefit and I realise quickly, absolutely none at all. It's served me well.

My psychotherapist. Friends/ family Always want to give you "advice" or to suggest "what they would do" etc etc because they want to help but sometimes you just need to cry and have someone listen. I also don't want to upset my family/ friend with my issues as it would leave them feeling helpless.

My mum, my DH or my best friend.

My poor line manager gets the brunt of all my stress, bless him.
He must have one of those faces.
I’ve told him things that I’ve told anyone.

I tend to bottle things up rather than cry on someone shoulder but if I do I have a few friends that I would feel comfortable crying on their shoulder.

I on the other hand tend to be the person who's shoulder is cried on. I think I have one of those faces. Even relative strangers seem comfortable confiding their problems to me.

No one.

my go to, my dh and my mum are dead now, they were my only extended family really.

friends have their own problems, and just talk about themselves anyway.