How do you manage work and the school run in secondary?

[GonkSocks]

If you and your DP both work 9-5 type office jobs with a commute, how do you split the school run, or just being at home for you kids, if your kids are in secondary school?

For context, recently DH and I have both been hybrid, where he's required 3 office days and I'm required 2, so it was easy to just have each of us do both runs on the days we were home. My office is switching to 3 days in office soon, so that won't work anymore.

DS just started Y7, so wraparound care seems to have disappeared.

He's able to get himself to and from school on the bus, but could use someone around in the morning to make sure he's getting out the door, and I'm not sure I feel great about leaving him alone for hours in the afternoon.

I think we'll manage by having DH go to the office a bit late one day, and me come home a bit early that same day, but I'm just wondering, what other things do you all do in this situation?

You make your kids grow up and get themselves there. If they are late they will get detention - that will sort it.

We have an emergency key in a lock box if anyone forgets it (but we have always had that and it is rarely used).

If your child isn’t capable of getting themselves ready and off to school without parental support in Y7 then IMO you’ve let them down by not preparing them properly.*

*Special needs and disabilities etc. aside.

Why do you think he's not ready to leave the house on his own? Have you let him try it and see if he manages or not? Does he have additional needs that make it more difficult for him?
My DS is 7 and he manages to leave for school on time by himself (he's not home alone, his big sister is there but she usually leaves for school later than him so most days doesn't get up until after he's gone), he has alarms on his watch to remind him when he needs to get ready, and when he needs to leave. And he is not a particularly organised child at all, he is in fact very forgetful but despite that he has only been late once (couldn't find his shoes apparently), and forgotten his bag once (but I have had to remind him a few times to take his bag on mornings I've been home so perhaps he'd forget more often, or he is less responsible when I'm there to remind him)

I mean if your jobs are flexible enough that he doesn't have to be alone then that's great, but I'd still make him responsible for leaving on time by himself - don't remind him, don't tell him to get ready, let him learn how to be responsible for himself.

Do you mean year 7 or age 7?

I was able to drop on my way to work. School is open from 8am so I’d have thought most people could make that work.

DD’s school did have after school care in Year 7 and 8 but that has now closed - not enough people using it following the increase in people working from home. So the answers are either bus home and let themselves in or bus to after school activities. Back in my day almost everyone bussed home and let themselves in - I was one of a tiny minority that did not.

We stayed living in the original house we bought when first married as so close to a secondary school it was easy to walk. I had some flexibility at work and started early and did compressed hours so was around after school, he also went to 2 after school activities at the school.

At that age they manage themselves - you don’t need to do it for them and they need to start to mange being alone for hours at a time - he can chill with friends, come home, do some homework, grab some food and you will be home

the only suggestion I have is to monitor online use somehow just to make sure he doesn’t wander an undesirable path

Age 7. I'm not in the UK, this is pretty normal where I am so obviously he has been raised with this in mind so more prepared than 7 year old would be in the UK so I wouldn't expect the same there but by year 7 they usually are around the same level of independence as 7 year olds where I am.

Is that best bus journey a service bus? If that’s the state school allocated there should be a school bus too?

Wow. My main fear with my DS’s was traffic - crazy drivers, especially at school run time.
Obviously by year 7 it was less of a worry, but age 7….no way.
I don’t think primary schools even allow 7 year olds to leave school alone.

DD used to bike to primary but her secondary school route is a little too dangerous IMO for biking at the moment (she’s 12, major road with lots of traffic). The school is on my way in to work though, so I have changed my hours at work to 8:30-4:30, dropping DD off by car at 8am on the way and picking her up at 5pm on the way back (they have a free homework club in the school library until 5:30 every day). It actually works slightly better for me than her primary school hours and her school is open from 8am.

If for whatever reason I have a late meeting then there is also a bus that DD can get home if needed.

Well there's a lot less crazy traffic at school run time when the children are mostly walking by themselves instead of being driven in by their parents, so its not so dangerous where I am even though for half the route DS has to walk on the road as there's no pavement. And the drivers know that small children are walking alone so they are more careful around school areas usually, and the the 1st graders all get given bright yellow baseball caps that make them more visible and also makes the drivers aware that these are children that are walking alone for the first time and may act unpredictably. I probably wouldn't let my 7 year old walk alone in the UK because its just so different and traffic is much worse but by year 7 definitely.

From year 7 my sons usually got the bus there and back or sometimes walked back with their mates ( an hour and half)

Never had any issues.

Most schools wouldn’t allow a 7 year old to travel to school alone. At DD’s school Year 5 (so aged 9/10) was the earliest.

My parents got me up every day for school till I left at age 17 - they had to drive us as there was no public transport or school bus, and I was not a morning person (nor was my mum who did the driving - my dad’s job was to harry everyone out of bed and make the breakfast).

I still managed to get myself up for uni etc once I’d left home. Unless there’s something else going on there’s no need for a 7 year old to have to do this.

Like most people, we never did a school run at secondary. They got themselves there, got themselves home, no bother.
They didn't even have phones in yr7. All fine.
They just had a key and sorted themselves.

For the overlap day where you both need to be in the office I'd drop him to school early doors so he can have breakfast there, then pick up from school at 6pm. He can do homework in the library or join an after school sport if that's an option. If you have flex on what days you overlap then you can work it around a day where there's a club or a heavy homework load and get it out of the way ahead of the weekend. It's not a bad habit to get into, homework really steps up in Year 8.

We use a ring camera to supervise the exiting of the house and locking up on a live basis. You can also see that they're home safely, haven't brought friends along without permission and have actually closed the door behind them 😩Once they are home you need to resign yourself to the likelihood they will be doing nothing except TV until you walk in the door though. This is how we now work but we have two children and it's rare the Year 7 is soloing in the evenings. The older locks up in the morning as she works on a just in time basis and leaves at least 5 mins after she should. I don't think I'd be terribly keen on DD2 being unsupervised every evening. She's fond of spontaneous baking and crap at switching the oven off when she's done.

Nope that’s public buses. There are no school buses from our area - I’m hoping it’s a ‘no school buses yet..’ as it’s still brand new and when school gets bigger / more established they will put one on. There’s only Y7-9 in there at the moment.

What time do you leave, what time does DH leave and what time does DC need to leave?
Same for home times?

For us, DC needed to leave at 730 to get the bus which was just about ok for my departure time. For after school, home alone for a couple of hours is fine. If they lose or forget their key, it's an excellent life lesson not to and it means it doesn't happen too often!

This isn't the UK, schools don't make any rules here about what age children can leave alone, they just leave at the end of their day and that's that, only after school club requires permission to walk home alone. Stay at home parents are rare so most parents work and that often means not being able to take their children to school, or even be home when they leave as school can start much later than working hours (though I'm lucky that DS starts at 8 every day, but half his class starts at 9 or 10 some days) so 7 year olds have to do this, there aren't other options if you don't have local grandparents that have retired already.

UK schools used to allow primary school aged children to leave at the end of the day and get home of their own accord!

I have to use my lunch breaks to do school pick up and ask my employer for flexibility - which I luckily get.

Ours still do from Y5 - it’s great preparation for secondary IMO as they get used to the freedom
and independence while under the safety of lollipop ladies etc.

We just play it week by week. It's more tiring because it's another thing to think about but in practice one of us is often at home and so DC don't have to do it themselves all the time. We also make sure everything is prepped the night before.
I do think that there is a window where it's good to learn these skills. Form observing friend DCs if you leave it too late it almost becomes a big thing and harder whereas our DC have got the bus since year 7 (when older children will naturally keep an eye on the main, they aren't all bad) and then getting up and out in year 8. That means its well established by year 10/11
We have a key safe too for the dog walkers and cleaner but now they are older they just have a key and mostly prefer it

A bus pass counts as school transport at Secondary level, they have no obligation to have an actual school bus.

I can totally understand your worry about mornings, not just him leaving on time but also that the door is locked properly etc. I would just do as you have suggested, as in trying to coordinate leaving time. Son leaving slightly earlier, husband leaving slightly later. You haven't said what time you need to leave or I missed it but I can assure you that it won't take very long for him to get used to things hopefully