How do you manage work and the school run in secondary?

[GonkSocks]

If you and your DP both work 9-5 type office jobs with a commute, how do you split the school run, or just being at home for you kids, if your kids are in secondary school?

For context, recently DH and I have both been hybrid, where he's required 3 office days and I'm required 2, so it was easy to just have each of us do both runs on the days we were home. My office is switching to 3 days in office soon, so that won't work anymore.

DS just started Y7, so wraparound care seems to have disappeared.

He's able to get himself to and from school on the bus, but could use someone around in the morning to make sure he's getting out the door, and I'm not sure I feel great about leaving him alone for hours in the afternoon.

I think we'll manage by having DH go to the office a bit late one day, and me come home a bit early that same day, but I'm just wondering, what other things do you all do in this situation?

Could you change your starting times slightly, at least for the first term so that you go out of the house together and let him do everything without prompting?

DD has a fairly long walk, 30-40 minutes so she left most mornings together with me but on days I had to be in the office earlier, she managed to set the alarm, close the door, lock it and be out on time.

It's all about practice, practice, practice.

Keys - she had it on a long cable in her backpack in the beginning. Friends use a keysafe and we also have a neighbour with a key for emergencies.

We had afternoons alone for the Summer term of Y6 most days so DD got used to it slowly. They need ot decompress and most likely eat and binge TV for an hour or so.

Dd takes herself. It’s about an hours walk or 20’minute cycle. She brings herself home. Lets herself in and makes a snack and I’m usually home by 5-5.30. By that age they should be able to manage a couple of hours by themselves and to get to and from school

Could you ask for flexitime so you wfh for longer those 2 days to make a shorter day in the office the 3rd day? Then the other 2 days when DH is around you can work your normal office hours.

if you out in the request for 12 months and then review on the provisions will get older and more independent.

I have an au pair. TBH she mostly takes younger DC to school and back but I prefer having someone here for older DC too, he’s only 12 and I don’t want him to be alone for hours every week

Never did the school run in secondary. Made sure my eldest was out of bed before we left for work when he started year 7, he had a key and locked up then let himself in until we got home about an hour after he got home. Same when middle son started but obviously he had his brother for company. Then Covid hit part way through middle sons year 7 so we have worked from home ever since.

What time is he allowed to be there in the mornings? My DD can be there from 8am and they open the canteen and do toast etc, we drop her off before work.
In the afternoons he should be fine for a couple of hours shouldn’t he?

Find an after school activity for him on the day you overlap woh.

Get him up earlier that day so he's ready to go. His bags should all be oacked (by him) the night before and ready at the door.

He's at exactly the right age to start taking responsibility for himself, and one day a week is a good way to get him into that habit.

My two got the bus to school in another county from the first day of year 7. I made sure they were up and had breakfast/got dressed and ready and told them what time they needed to leave the house. They learn pretty sharpish that taking 30 minutes to get dressed isn't an option.

How much independence and responsibility have you given him? I started with mine little bits here and there from being small. Do you think he is behind or could you be coddling him?

Have you ever watched Netflix’s Old Enough? Might be worth a watch. Get your confidence up.

Ds 12 leaves at 7:50 which is plenty of time for us to get to work (we deliberately live within an hour of work and have done since nursery days). He will have a key soon (with an air tag) to let himself in but I don’t want him locking up in the morning.

Get a key safe if your worried about key getting lost at school.

If you and DH can work opposite office days that only leaves two days, and one of you should start later and one finish earlier to minimise time home alone.

My DC get the school bus so it's about 3:45-4pm by the time they are home and one of us is usually home by 4:30-5pm, barely time for them to have a snack and turn the playstation on. Likewise one of us will leave a bit later in the morning. Dp works shifts and I have some flexibility so we just make it work.

We have a keysafe so that DD can't lose any keys. One day last year she had to drag the wheelie bin down the drive and use it to climb over the garden gate - who knew she was so resourceful 😅 honestly he might surprise you!

Sometimes she goes in late because of school plays / open evenings etc and those days we make sure she is up and dressed and then phone her to make sure she leaves on time!

As dh had to leave for work at 730 and I had to leave at 7 to get to my school, ds took himself. 30 minute or so walk. He's never been late or decided not to go to school. Mainly because he knows he would get the bollocking if his life if he tried.

Home for a couple of hours in the afternoon by himself.

He's managed to get to yr11 without any issues. And he was the most dizzy, disorganised kid at 11. But he learned, because none of us had any choice.

Repeat for dd. Although she's been savvy enough to make friends with a girl who gets a lift... so she often gets one too.

The kids here have a key chain - a plastic stretchy spring - that close to the inside of their school bag.
We also have an extra spare key in the kitchen, and if they want to go to the park after school, that is the key they must take. We learnt that lesson early on when a key didn't make it back into the bag!!

We started training ours during y6 so they were both happy to spend short periods at home alone and able to unlock and lock up the house. They get the bus to school, do after school clubs and then either catch the late bus or I pick them up on my way home. That said, dh is often working from home so he can be here too. Ours come home, grab a snack and do their homework.

DH leaves at 6.30, I’m heading off at 7.15. DS is now in Year 7 and has ASD. If he can manage to get himself up, have breakfast and get to school on time then I think most kids could too! He arrives home at 4 and heats his own dinner up. I’m really proud of him!

When mine were in secondary, I started work at 5am. I had no choice but to let them get up and get themselves to school.
IF both yours and your husbands work are flexible, then yes do that, but many workplaces aren't, or can't be.

I drop my DD at a friend's house en route to work and they both walk in from there.

We used to be able to be home between us in the morning until DS left for school and on some afternoons when he got home but on 2-3 days a week he got home just before 4pm most of the time and the first adult arrived home by about 6pm or occasionally a bit later.

He has ASD and ADHD and has a lot of other issues with behaviour, particularly at school, but was absolutely fine for that time at home. He liked it and we had no issues with him doing anything he shouldn't during those hours. Sometimes in years 7 and 8 in the summer he went to the park after school for a bit with friends and got home just before 5pm but most of the time he had 2 hours alone at home with no.problem

We had a couple of transition weeks where he was on his own for 1.5 hrs one day then 2 days . We told him where the spare key was kept in the shed and the pin for the padlock to get the key as he was a bit scatty. We reminded him.of which neighbours we had talked to who said they would help in an emergency if we weren't available by phone ( never needed)

He forgot his key 1 or 2 times in the first couple of weeks and had to call us at work so we reminded him of the pin and where to get the spare key. After that he never forgot his key again and was fine.

At what age do you think your child could start doing this?

We use a key safe so key doesn’t need to go to school. ( doesn’t mean they don’t forget to put it in but they soon learn) Use the summer to get him more ready, flex timings if you can with work and soon he will be able to get himself out and home. Have some easy snack foods and it will work out fine :)

I work 10-2 so I can do the school run and walk the dog. I like being able to squeeze everything in. Could you ask to reduce your hours? Even if it's to drop them into school, as they'll be fine coming home.

Great advice!

Are you sure it’s him that’s ’not ready’ as opposed to you not being ready? You won’t know if you don’t try. You could always do a dummy run - organise for him to be left alone at 7,15 but park round the corner so you can reassure yourself that he’s managed to leave on time. Do it on a Friday as it’s less frantic than a Monday morning. Make sure he has all his stuff by the front door and is ready to leave by the time DH leaves. Be brave!
A colleague of mine has an iPad set up to film at home before and after school so she can see and talk to her dc and make sure they’re ok. I thought that was a good compromise.

We share with another family and grandparents. This thread has made me review bus options but I don’t know what’s reasonable?! We were allocated a ‘new’ school which is an easy 9 minute drive along a very busy dual carriageway but the best bus journey is over an hour!!!! He’s got far too much stuff (no lockers and he plays sport nearly every day) to cycle. He’d have to get up at 6am to get to school on time which seems mad

Mine had keys attached to those retractable keyrings. There was a loop inside the bag that it was clipped to. Get him to practise putting his bag down, key out, unlock the door, immediately remove the key, open the door, shout hello, it's me (to make anyone watching think there is an adult home) get inside, lock the door and then turn the alarm off.

Also being aware of if anyone is around him, look over his shoulder on the drive, use any reflective surfaces like windows and glass panels in the door to check behind him. We started this young so it was more of a game of being a great spy rather than worrying about them being followed.

As for being ready, he has no choice. He isn't 5. I had a very messed up childhood but I was doing this at 8 years old, not year 8, but 8 and in the equivalent of year 4 getting a younger sibling up and ready too. I am not saying this is ideal but if you have to do something you do it and you learn from your mistakes.

Your son has never had to rely on himself because you have been there to remind him, to chiv him along to get ready. Don't underestimate him. Let him show you he can do this.