I miss leftovers... share your stories of living with adult children to cheer me up

[Philthefridge]

So, DS has been living with us post a four year degree before starting a job and moving out for good.

I love him. I really do. He's a decent person and all the below is to be taken as minor issues. But I need some fellow feeling! DH and I can laugh about it all, but...

We never have leftovers. I can no longer wander into the kitchen (I work from home) and have a delicious something because it's all gone, if not during the meal then at 1am when hunger pangs have struck. Whole pies! The food shopping is through the roof.

Our energy bills have shot up. I can't work out exactly why. But they have.

I am always wrong - factually or ideologically. I'm generally seen as fairly well informed but not now. Last night I was put right on the correct use of a salt cellar. Bonus points if what I say would not be welcomed on specific internet discussion boards.

My TV now has subtitles on it. I hate them, they distract me. But apparently they are essential if we watch together.

Clearing up will happen if I ask for it to be done. If I don't, he didn't realise there was a mess. I need to be explicit in my suggestion that plates left on top of a dishwasher or rubbish left next to a bin make their final journeys without my involvement. When I finish work at 6pm, stagger into the kitchen to find what looks like the remains of a fully catered corporate event and raise an objection I am asking too much as he was going to get round to it.

The way we cook is wrong but he would be too nervous to cook for us unfortunately. He will and does cook meals for himself if we're not around but otherwise is keen just to observe and offer feedback on our cutting techniques/rice preparation/ingredient selection.

Tell me I'm not alone...

You’re not alone. DD has just started an apprenticeship that’s paid peanuts so will be with us for another four years.

I’m always wrong too until she comes slouching back, head hung hangdog style to admit I may have been somewhat correct.

There are either video games or YouTube videos of people playing video games on our tv. She asked to be included in dinner and will invariably end up missing it because she ran into someone she knows.

The university years were swift but gloriously quiet 😁

We are being schooled in good TV, as our tastes aren't right. Quite a bit of it is in Korean and by 9.30pm I can't stay awake for anything that requires that level of concentration so I'm not catching much of it. His YouTube watching does at least happen in his room!

See my mum would have taken the remote put it on a channel of her choosing, switched off the subtitles, and told me where to go if I said her tastes in tv werent right.

Same with eating her out of house and home and not cleaning up. She wouldn't have tolerated it.

He's treating it like a free hotel and you seem to think it's cute.

You've got a rude, slovenly, disrespectful 22-23 year old man in the house and you ought to have raised him better or certainly putting some ground rules down now.

I pity the poor woman who ends up his partner.

He's ready to move out, wants to control the way everything is done at home, it's sweet.
Introduce him to rightmove.

This.

Time to put your foot down, OP.

Pity the poor man instead please.

As I said, he's a decent bloke! He's kind, sweet, caring and ready to move out in the coming weeks to start a good job.

We watch our own stuff too. I haven't had a solid diet of art house sci fi for months thankfully. And we've found some things we all enjoy too.

Tongue in cheek always dangerous on here I realise.

Why would I pity your son?! He's nobody to me. He's finished a degree and is living rent free what pity does he deserve?

Pity he has no manner maybe.

He sound dreadful, rude, selfish, lazy and demanding and you've clearly molly coddled him enough to think this behaviour is cute. No wonder he does it.

It's really quite embarrassing and he isnt a decent man.

No, pity his future husband/boyfriend. Not his future wife.

I assume the OP was referring to the fact that his future partner will be a man.

I hear you OP.

Mine graduated last summer. He got a grad job in London - we live in S London. There is no way he is going to be able to afford to move out any time soon.
The making and eating of food - the mess! He will always clear up 'when he has finished ' but that seems to include a 2 hour digestion period as well, and I may want to use the kitchen myself in that time. He is always really upset that I've done it when he has eventually finished whatever it was that needed finishing before coming to clear up.

And showers..
We only have one and it runs off the hot water tank. So when it's gone, it's gone... Luckily I work from home so can grab one once the water has reheated.

No need to be rude, the op was attempting humour which obviously you lack

Oh yes, the 15 minute showers! He looks quite clean for them I suppose.

He’s taking the piss!!!!

I can assure those worried that we do have regular conversations about pulling his weight and always have had.

Last night I was put right on the correct use of a salt cellar.

Sorry, you can’t just leave us hanging…

I realise you'll need to learn too. Salt from a salt cellar shouldn't be used in cooking as the heat can cause moisture inside and clog it up.

In my defence I wasn't using a salt cellar while cooking. I was just saying we needed a new one, for general salt cellar use.

He does sound a bit up himself, but as he’s your son I’m guessing he has a sense of humour about it!

my dd is still with us, she’s 26 and likes explaining things. She also ‘doesn’t have a sweet tooth’ yet all the biscuits constantly disappear, I’m lucky if I get one in a packet!

You need a salt pig

I am up for any suggestions on salt containers as I currently don't have one.

Dh and I feel your pain. We go away for weekends a lot now lol just for some peace!

Like a lot of young people, he lives largely online so spends a lot of time having his general RIGHTNESS endorsed. And he shared a house with a gang of housemates who he clearly took as oracles on a few subjects as we hear a lot about their views. But he can definitely take a suggestion to pipe down now he's a bit older.

Why be so rude to op Willthiswork12? Does it make you feel better to put someone down?

There is absolutely nothing embarrassing about this situation at all.

It’s perfectly possible, and perfectly normal, to bring up children well; with good manners and consideration for others, and for them to go through a temporary phase either in adolescence or early adulthood when they are rather arrogant and utterly self-centred.

Young men and women straight out of university often think they know it all; precisely because they haven’t experienced the vagaries of life and are frustrated about their living situation. It’s easy to criticise when you don’t have full responsibility for running a home.

In most cases, they grow out of it! So please don’t worry op! And moving out definitely hands them a dose of reality and humility!

Op give him a month or so to settle in to his new place and then I suggest that you and your dh turn up at your son’s place for a meal and start criticising his cooking methods and do not whatever you do, help with the washing up 😀. And don’t forget to put sub-titles on his tv before you leave 😃😃

My parents would have done this too. And I will not put up with someone who tells me what to do. I would tell them to stop being rude or move out.

There's a great bit in the tv series Better Things when the mum says to her eldest child 'I love you. It's time for you to move out now.' I think your time has come to do this.

Yeah what is that subtitle thing?

Don't worry, this is time limited (thankfully). He has a start date for a job and accommodation to go to as well.

@Gingersky1234 he'd LOVE the subtitles. And thank you, this is it. I have no fears he will turn into a perfectly good and respectable adult once he pulls his head slightly further out of his behind!