This is probably outing but I need advice and both ACAS and pregnant and screwed are closed today. Five weeks ago, I had a miscarriage at 8 weeks (no fetal pole). I didn’t tell anyone but close family and I was told to wait to see if I bled naturally or if not they’d arrange a D and C. Days later, I bled lightly and two weeks later I had 24 hours of awful heavy bleeding, so heavy an ambulance was called. I was soaking both towels and pads and needed a transfusion. This happened over a weekend. I went to hospital and they confirmed miscarriage was complete but also found an ovarian cyst on my left ovary.
I work in a high paced sales environment where targets and league tables are everything. Annual leave is looked down on as a hindrance and those on sick leave are talked about behind their back. A man recently lost his mum and is taking time and everyone is complaining about covering for him for example and mocking his numbers are low.
So with this in mind, despite needing time I had one day off sick on the Monday. I needed more really but didn’t take it out of risk of the above. It felt worse to be off than it did to go in. I did however want it marked as pregnancy related leave because it was due to miscarriage. One day off. Well, the past 48 hours returning have been hell. My manager insisted I send through future appointments plus documentation if I had it confirming miscarriage.
I only had my 111 report and go NHS log. So sent this over even though it felt personal and I didn’t want to. My manager also said it was confusing as I also had an ovarian cyst on my log and was it even a miscarriage, how could I be sure.
He then refused to accept my 111 log and gp log as “prognosis” so asked if I had anything else. I then sent a very firm reply saying enough is enough, I had one day off and it’s intimate and private and I don’t feel comfortable sharing anything else. My 111 reports already said about heavy vaginal bleeding and pregnancy loss and it’s embarrassing. He then said fair enough if that’s all you’ve got and I’m only doing it to give you support (didn’t feel like that). He said I don’t need proof just a prognosis?!
Later that evening, I also sent one email outlining the reasons why I felt I needed to come back early (pressure in the team, comments made about others on sick), it was professional and polite and I even got DP (Police Officer) to read and he said it was fine! I also mentioned I’d felt being asked for so much information had taken a toll on my mental health the past day when I should be focused on returning to work. Manager never replied and has now reported me to HR/Safeguarding for “harassment”. I’ve been asked to go to a meeting on Friday and told I can bring representation.
I just feel broken on this. He’s also messaging me 4 times on teams today about work and I’ve replied as normal and polite. I can’t see where I’ve harassed but I also feel exhausted and like I shouldn’t even be replying now. Also if he feels so harassed why is he still engaging with me?
I don’t know where to begin. I’m feeling sad about my miscarriage, I returned on the basis that I thought I could manage and would be less stressed than having time off.