11 year old at LGBTQ school lunch club

[Hunnybadger1]

Just wondering what the general thoughts are on schools having clubs like this for 11 year olds? I personally feel like I’d rather my child went to a general interest club, or hung out in the library, as it feels young to be labelling themselves sexually. It’s such minefield for parenting and obviously don’t want to make them feel self conscious / close down communication so am being supportive but also asking them if they have other interests they want to explore too.

It wouldn’t worry me but I was never concerned about whether my children were LGBTQ or not, I’m happy for them to be who they want to be.
I think encouraging lots of clubs is a good idea. Helps them find their way.

My dd went to lgbt club when she started secondary school at 11 and yes she is a lesbian, at that point she wasn’t sure but felt confused. The club helped her to feel accepted and to find others in similar positions, some of whom she’s still great mates with over 10 years later. Of course she had other interests, but I love that she never felt shunned in school.

I agree with you OP.
Too young to be labelling themselves sexually.
I just wish kids could be kids again...

These clubs are usually described as fir lgbtq abd straight allies, meaning whole friendship groups can go to support one or two people.

Far too young, and the T is homophobic.

Let’s not pretend 11 year olds don’t ’fancy’ people- I fancied boys from being about 6. Anything that helps support kids navigate their actual world rather than the world their parents might want them to inhabit is a good thing, imo.

my bi teen son has flourished since finding friends who he found a connection with and who supported him and taught him to be comfortable with who he is, it’s a beautiful thing to see.

It won’t make them gay or straight or bi and isn’t exactly going to be active demonstrations of anything. Let them be, they’ll probably go twice and find it’s not for them as it’s full of older kids or might find some support and get stuck it or something in between. Stopping them attending will likely cause division and confusion. They’ll find the canteen does hash browns on a Monday and not go or move on by next week probably.

It's a bit weird though going to club based on sexual orientation at 11? Is it like a dating club? I think if there was boys club where straight girls go to discuss their interest in boys, maybe what type of boys they fancy, or discuss what to do with boys, we would all find that a bit odd.

11 year-olds are starting puberty. They're discussing sexual relationships in PSHE and among their social groups, reading and watching media that has people dating/getting crushes, and often getting crushes themselves. They're splitting more consistently into gendered groups and experiencing changes in how people view opposite-sex friendships.

So yes, this is an appropriate age for them to form supportive organizations for those who may think they're not heterosexual, to remind them that there are plenty of others like them, that they're normal and don't need to "act straight" to fit in. That doesn't mean they're labeling themselves or engaging in anything sexually explicit.

What's wrong with either knowing you're gay/bi at 11 or simply having an interest in LGBT issues, or being unsure but wanting to learn more?

You do realise there's nothing wrong with being gay, don't you? It's good that they have things like this in secondary schools.

When I was a kid the concept of gay/lesbian was thrown around as an insult or way to bully. Probably half my friends from school came out when they left, but were too concerned about being shunned and bullied to do so at school. And that's a real shame.

A club for young children to talk about sexuality with older teenagers? Does noone understand safeguarding any more?

Can you just imagine a club based around heterosexuality with 18 year old men discussing sexuality with 11 year old girls?

The fact that you, as her own mother thinks these clubs are not needed, are exactly the reason they are !

This is a weird scene to invent.

Sitting around talking about sex is not what LGBTQ groups are for (certainly not at that age) and assuming that they aren't split by age group is strange.

The more reasonable assumption is that it's 11-13 year olds talking about experiences being bullied or being afraid of being bullied, worries about whether their parents or grandparents will hate them, trying to figure out what to do when their friends start talking about crushes or which boys/girls are cute, sharing gender non-conforming fashion opinions, and trying to get up the courage to ask a year-mate to go with them to a social event.

Plus of course there is the Q - queer, about breaking down norms including, according to all the major academic queer theorist, that the norm that prohibits sex between adults and children. I wonder why someone might be interested in promoting that in schools? Maybe someone like Jame Rennie, founder of LBGT youth Scotland, or Stephen Ireland founder of Surrey Pride and other patrons of ‘educate and celebrate’, or Breslow - a trustee of Mermaids, or Easton who wrote a guide to ‘coming out’ for pupils…

So talking about sexual attraction….

An 11 year old is very close to puberty. The vast majority of people know their sexuality from quite a young age. It's not a sexual thing, but you experience crushes etc towards the latter end of primary school and definitely at the start of secondary school. It's normal and healthy for an 11 year old to start fancying people. It's not any deeper than that.

And they're not labelling themselves sexually. They're exploring feelings that likely feel confusing for them when the default is straight and the majority of relationships they see will be straight ones.

I'm guessing most people will have known they were straight by age 11. There is therefore nothing wrong with knowing you are gay at age 11, and there is no sensible argument against this that isn't rooted in homophobia.

I'm a lesbian. At school I was perplexed when girls talked about their crushes. I thought I was a freak as I didn't get it. I then just thought I must be a-sexual until I was about 20 and had a dawning realisation. This was the 90's as well so there were very few lesbians in the media. I wish clubs like this would have existed when I was a child.

Like it or not, gay children exist, and they deserve a safe space to talk about their feelings.

Whether right or not, at my last school the head made the decision that such clubs and "safe spaces" would not happen because that meant that the school as whole was unsafe and intolerant.

Far too young to have adult concepts imposed on them.

This post is absolutely spot on. I knew I was into boys from a very early age, and so did my gay best friend - a club this this at school might have made his teenage years a lot less miserable and lonely.

Posters saying 11 is too young to think about sexualiy need to have a think about when they had their moment of revelation about being straight - you didn't, because it's the default so you never had to worry about it. How wonderful that schools have things in place now so that gay/bi kids don't have to worry so much either.

Its the T that would concern me. Dd1 is bi. We've had lots of discussions and I'm fine with whatever she feels for whoever.

But the push to tell these kids that they were born in the wrong body because they're butch or effeminate is scary.

I fancied boys from being about 6

That's a learned behaviour, maybe copying what you've heard or seen.

I would be concerned if my DC showed that behaviour at that age.
It's not normal.

I think some of us absolutely know our sexuality at that age. I did. But I can’t help feeling that clubs established solely around sexuality at the age of 11 are kind of unnecessary. There are so many other shared interest clubs? I mean, they get together and talk about…..what?

As OP said "it's such a minefield for parenting"

Hetero and homosexuality are not ‘adult concepts’