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11 year old at LGBTQ school lunch club

83 replies

Hunnybadger1 · 09/09/2025 22:36

Just wondering what the general thoughts are on schools having clubs like this for 11 year olds? I personally feel like I’d rather my child went to a general interest club, or hung out in the library, as it feels young to be labelling themselves sexually. It’s such minefield for parenting and obviously don’t want to make them feel self conscious / close down communication so am being supportive but also asking them if they have other interests they want to explore too.

OP posts:
MagpiePi · 10/09/2025 07:53

I'd want to know who else was there and what happened during the meetings. What is the age range? Do they all sit around and have an equal input into discussions, or are older kids lecturing the younger ones? Are they inviting in outside organisations to push a agenda? Is there any oversight or involvement from teaching staff? Is there any safeguarding?

PumpkinSeasonOctober · 10/09/2025 07:55

They have this lunch time club at the local secondary school, I can’t see any harm in it.
They just hang out together and get support if needed, they aren’t sat around a table being brain washed.

TheBafflingIsGenerallyComplete · 10/09/2025 07:55

Secondary school, fine. Primary school, not fine.

Although would be nice to live in a world where LGB people didn’t need a club.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Petitchat · 10/09/2025 08:01

MagpiePi · 10/09/2025 07:53

I'd want to know who else was there and what happened during the meetings. What is the age range? Do they all sit around and have an equal input into discussions, or are older kids lecturing the younger ones? Are they inviting in outside organisations to push a agenda? Is there any oversight or involvement from teaching staff? Is there any safeguarding?

Totally agree with this.

Sadly, I feel distrustful of schools nowadays and I think sometimes other parents/ grandparents are too.
It's necessary and helpful for parents to know what's going on.

ThatBlackCat · 10/09/2025 08:24

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Sickoffamilydrama · 10/09/2025 08:25

There has to be a balance with these clubs and I do think that while well meaning if no one has done any safeguarding assessments they can go wrong.

I wrote years ago on MN about the massive distress going to one with her friend caused my autistic DD.

She ended up in a massive spiral of anxiety including self harming tics because she didn't feel any kind of attraction, she was just hitting puberty and some don't feel attraction until puberty hits. She kept repeating but I need to decide who I like as everyone is either gay or not.

The club was also mixed ages and discussions on the needs of the older group ( safe sex STDs) further increased her anxiety. Yes 11 year olds need to learn about these things but in a structured way hence PHSE.

It was also the emotional trauma that some were talking about in the group its fine for a supportive group but children are not counsellors and the emotional burden was high.

The club was also the only lunchtime club and one of the only warm dry places in winter except the canteen which couldn't fit all the kids in and was very noisy.

I raised with the school that this is poorly thought out and a safe guarding risk with the mixed ages, plus what training did the teacher have in pyscho sexual counselling to help someone like my daughter who was unsure.

We eventually moved her schools this was the final nail in the coffin for us they were supportive verbally but did nothing to support regards actual needs.

Within autistic parents I'm not the only with a story like this and it does immense harm luckily she never self harmed in a massive way but some do.

She's now a settled happy 16 year old, who once she'd gone through puberty discovered she likes boys. I wouldn't care either way along as she's happy.

A badly thought out club that doesn't look at these things through the different lenses of all the types of children in the school is basically doing some of the children more harm than good.

Flakey99 · 10/09/2025 08:26

LGB yes but anything else is make believe and I wouldn’t indulge that nonsense to impressionable youngsters.

Would you support a club that affirms Anorexia??
This is no different and just as harmful!

chrith · 10/09/2025 08:32

my daughter attended one very briefly at her school when she was sixteen. She found it massively over represented the TQ+ community, with furries and trans men being the biggest group back then. Seven years ago. She left.
Safeguarding, for some reason, seems to be ignored when it comes to these school lunchtime Stonewall/LGBTQUIA++++ clubs.

Hunnybadger1 · 10/09/2025 08:37

Thanks for all the replies. DC is pretty mature emotionally, likes to talk about what’s going on for them and their feelings which helps. I’ve mentioned it this morning and they’ve said they are going with two other friends who think they’re bisexual and another who’s a supporter. DC seems to think the snacks on offer are a big pull for kids! I’m not hung up on sexuality but as other posters have said I don’t know how this group is run and I didn’t even know it existed till yesterday! It’s reassuring to hear about the kids who have found the groups useful though.

OP posts:
Hunnybadger1 · 10/09/2025 08:39

I hadn’t thought about furries!

OP posts:
ThatBlackCat · 10/09/2025 09:16

Hunnybadger1 · 10/09/2025 08:37

Thanks for all the replies. DC is pretty mature emotionally, likes to talk about what’s going on for them and their feelings which helps. I’ve mentioned it this morning and they’ve said they are going with two other friends who think they’re bisexual and another who’s a supporter. DC seems to think the snacks on offer are a big pull for kids! I’m not hung up on sexuality but as other posters have said I don’t know how this group is run and I didn’t even know it existed till yesterday! It’s reassuring to hear about the kids who have found the groups useful though.

DC seems to think the snacks on offer are a big pull for kids!

I shuddered at reading that. It reeks so much of a man offering sweets to children, to talk about sex.

This group at your child's school sounds like predator's van and a major red flag. I would be asking questions of the school. Seriously, that part you just said made my blood run cold.

marnieMiaou · 10/09/2025 09:30

Ohwhatfuckeryitistoride · 10/09/2025 00:43

Whether right or not, at my last school the head made the decision that such clubs and "safe spaces" would not happen because that meant that the school as whole was unsafe and intolerant.

Aahh like the 'there's no bullying in THIS school' heads of yesteryear. If you don't acknowledge it, it doesn't exist.

mindutopia · 10/09/2025 09:33

Sounds great. I’d be very happy if mine had gone in Y7 (she’s not LGBTQ+ btw). I think it’s lovely to be open minded and inclusive. Not every 11 year old will need the support, but some will have no one else to turn to and it’s about school being an open and welcoming environment. It could quite literally save a child’s life, as it’s a contact point for staff and any children who might be more vulnerable for various reasons.

That said, I take my dc to pride every year and have been since eldest was probably 4 and youngest was a baby. I’m straight as can be. No one has converted me yet. 🤣

LifeInAHamsterWheel · 10/09/2025 09:39

chrith · 10/09/2025 08:32

my daughter attended one very briefly at her school when she was sixteen. She found it massively over represented the TQ+ community, with furries and trans men being the biggest group back then. Seven years ago. She left.
Safeguarding, for some reason, seems to be ignored when it comes to these school lunchtime Stonewall/LGBTQUIA++++ clubs.

My DD had the same experience but when she was younger (just started in secondary school)
Thankfully she's quite level headed and she made the decision to stop going herself but I would have very much encouraged it if she hadn't.

As another poster has said, it seems to be far more about the TQ++++ now than the LGB.

fashionqueen0123 · 10/09/2025 09:40

Maybe from year 9/10. But not the T and not year 7.

JaninaDuszejko · 10/09/2025 09:49

My kids had one at their secondary school. It included the T because so many young lesbians identify as T but the club was run by their gay teacher and was about providing a space for the gay and lesbian kids who didn't feel comfortable coming out to their families yet, the teacher who ran it was very much of the view that he would have really benefited from having gay role models when he was a teenager so he thought it was important to be that role model now. The school was a secondary school so only a few Y11s over 16. I would have no concerns about my kids attending the club but my DD said she didn't feel the need to because she felt supported at home.

Bumblebee72 · 10/09/2025 10:00

It doesn't apply to the LGBTQ+ community. There is no other world where a teacher with a specific sexual preference would be allowed and encouraged to gather all the kids with the same sexual preference for weekly meetings. Imagine the up roar if there was a blondes club where all the boys whose preference is blondes lead by a teacher keen on blondes, gathered all the year 11 blonde girls interested in boys. The teacher would be arrested and put on a register.

MrsKeats · 10/09/2025 10:05

ManyShapesOfPasta · 09/09/2025 22:45

Far too young, and the T is homophobic.

Correct

Petitchat · 10/09/2025 11:42

Hunnybadger1 · 10/09/2025 08:39

I hadn’t thought about furries!

Excuse my ignorance but what is a furrie please?

LifeInAHamsterWheel · 10/09/2025 13:32

Petitchat · 10/09/2025 11:42

Excuse my ignorance but what is a furrie please?

People who identify as furry animals (usually cats) It is (unfortunately) a 'thing'

Somnambule · 10/09/2025 14:20

Petitchat · 10/09/2025 07:41

I fancied boys from being about 6

That's a learned behaviour, maybe copying what you've heard or seen.

I would be concerned if my DC showed that behaviour at that age.
It's not normal.

It really isn't. I was aware from a young age that I found the company of certain boys quite exciting - I didn't identify the feelings as sexual, and they weren't in the adult understanding of the word, but there was an attraction there. And definitely by 11 the crushes were real and intense. I know I'm not unusual in this.

Petitchat · 10/09/2025 16:35

LifeInAHamsterWheel · 10/09/2025 13:32

People who identify as furry animals (usually cats) It is (unfortunately) a 'thing'

Thanks.
The mind boggles.....

Didntask · 10/09/2025 16:38

ManyShapesOfPasta · 09/09/2025 22:45

Far too young, and the T is homophobic.

This

Ponderingwindow · 10/09/2025 16:39

It is not going to pigeonhole your child into a certain sexuality. If they are still exploring, they will keep exploring.

what it will do is help them find a peer group where they feel accepted and comfortable. When you feel different than the mainstream, finding friends can be extremely difficult. These clubs really aren’t about much more than togetherness.

My child has been a member for years. Sometimes they discuss topics. Plenty of time they just play board games or do craft projects.

VenusClapTrap · 10/09/2025 16:58

I’m uncomfortable with it. My dd attended and now says she’s non-binary and asexual. I think she’s just a young teen who hasn’t met anyone she fancies yet, but she’s been exposed to this obsessive need for labels. As she doesn’t like wearing dresses or makeup, she has been led to question whether she’s female. I’ve tried to point out that this is all just stereotyping, and women can have short hair / wear trousers etc, but she gets angry with me and says I’m not supporting her. It’s all very difficult.