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Original poster

Advice on baby dad please

60 replies

Chloe207 · 09/09/2025 13:57

Hey mummas, please no nasty comments I just really need / want advice, had my little girl 4 months ago, I was on the coil and got caught, the lad I was seeing / meeting up with didn’t want me to keep the baby, but I did, not out of spite, not to keep him around, or anything like that I just really fell in love with my baby when I seen her on the screen at the scan! Anyway… my baby dad told me he didn’t want the responsibility of a baby but now he always says he’s glad she’s here and he absolutely adores her when he’s around seeing her, he prefers me to be around when seeing her, he’s a first time dad and gets a little anxious, but… he never actually asks to see her, never texts to ask about her, it’s always me making the effort or texting him, I hardly ever get texts back nowadays, he text me last night asking if we was ok, I said yeah thanks. And he text back good can I pick up my bag please, I said ohhhhh that’s why you are really texting to get your bag, and he was like WTF you think I only text when it in benefits me, I texted back saying yes, you never text unless you need something doing, anyway, I said come round now and you can give baby a cuddle before bed, and he said I want one off you as well, so he came picked his bag up and cuddles our daughter, gave her kisses and more cuddles, and came up to me from behind when I had our daughter in my arms and gave us both the nicest cuddle ever, and a kiss on the cheek for me, we are NOT together, but when we are around each other he makes me feel wanted and he’s always smiling around me, I asked him once what are we… and he said “I don’t ever want a relationship with you” …. He is very confusing, never textes or makes an Effort but like I said when we are together he makes me feel like we are? “I don’t know if that makes sense but to me it does lol” ….. so…. Do I completely back off? No texting and making an effort with him.? But then I’m worried he will never see her if I don’t text him??? I’ve obviously explained how I feel “I like him” but as he said “never a relationship” HELP ME!!! Do I walk away and not text him??? X

OP posts:
Btowngirl · 09/09/2025 14:03

Never be in a one sided relationship. He’s made it clear he doesn’t see a relationship in the future so you don’t need to go no contact, but stop chasing him/being available for him. Focus on co parenting only. You have a DD and you’ll want to model what a proper relationship is and it doesn’t sound like this is it. How would you feel if she was being strung on like this when she is older?

Original poster
Chloe207 · 09/09/2025 14:09

I wouldn’t want my daughter to feel how I feel. But he makes me feel like we together when we are together if that makes sense?? The little leg touches, hugs, random kisses on the cheek, buying things…. I’ve told him how it makes me feel, and he always makes an argument about it, I do only text him if he wants to see our daughter nothing more than that. But he doesn’t? So what I’m saying is…. Do I just stop asking him? And wait for him to text for once? X

OP posts:
PennySweeet · 09/09/2025 14:14

Yes, ‘Baby dad’ needs to start acting like ‘Man dad’ and seeing his daughter regularly if he wants to be in her life.

He shouldn’t need you to facilitate this and he certainly doesn’t need asking if he wants to see his daughter.

I hope he’s paying maintenance?

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Btowngirl · 09/09/2025 14:14

Chloe207 · 09/09/2025 14:09

I wouldn’t want my daughter to feel how I feel. But he makes me feel like we together when we are together if that makes sense?? The little leg touches, hugs, random kisses on the cheek, buying things…. I’ve told him how it makes me feel, and he always makes an argument about it, I do only text him if he wants to see our daughter nothing more than that. But he doesn’t? So what I’m saying is…. Do I just stop asking him? And wait for him to text for once? X

100%. Your DD deserves to be seen by people who want to be on her life, you can’t force that relationship either. I don’t mean this horribly but he is playing you, you’re available and he is saying he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you so there is your answer. You deserve someone who wants to be with you full time, not when it suits them.

Original poster
Chloe207 · 09/09/2025 14:17

.

OP posts:
Original poster
Chloe207 · 09/09/2025 14:19

PennySweeet · 09/09/2025 14:14

Yes, ‘Baby dad’ needs to start acting like ‘Man dad’ and seeing his daughter regularly if he wants to be in her life.

He shouldn’t need you to facilitate this and he certainly doesn’t need asking if he wants to see his daughter.

I hope he’s paying maintenance?

His dad send me over every month, no sure on why his dad sends it? I’ve never asked and I dinh want to incase he stops paying. X

OP posts:
Original poster
Chloe207 · 09/09/2025 14:21

Btowngirl · 09/09/2025 14:14

100%. Your DD deserves to be seen by people who want to be on her life, you can’t force that relationship either. I don’t mean this horribly but he is playing you, you’re available and he is saying he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you so there is your answer. You deserve someone who wants to be with you full time, not when it suits them.

Show quote history

Definitely don’t want to force a relationship either lovely. I was just stating how I feel, and that’s extremely true. I am making myself available for him and I shouldn’t!! X

OP posts:
FuzzyWolf · 09/09/2025 14:22

I expect his dad gives you his own money because his son is a failure as a dad as well as a partner.

Just stop contacting him, ensure you are receiving the correct CM and go to CMS direct if necessary, and if he wants to see his daughter then you can arrange a suitable shared schedule between you.

pinkfluffybirds · 09/09/2025 14:24

He knows that you’re into him and he enjoys playing around with you. He doesn’t want to be with you. He told you that. Men are very simple and very often they do tell you exactly what they want and don’t want. We as women are the Overthinkers and think maybe there’s a hidden meaning or maybe they said that, but don’t mean that. No, that’s what women do.

Focus on being a great mum let him see the kid - never stop him from seeing the kid, I never use the kid as a weapon or as leverage. This will backfire because when you need support, he may very well turn around and say no.

If you can keep things pleasant with him and try and just get over your feelings, You could have a healthy coparent relationship. But you need to get over him because he’s not into you. He’s just having fun with you and getting his thrills because you’re there and he knows you like him.

Latenightreader · 09/09/2025 14:28

He doesn't want to be with you, he's stringing you along in the hope of more sex. Tighten your boundaries and concentrate on being a mum for now.

Wolfiefan · 09/09/2025 14:30

He’s after a shag.

Ragruggers · 09/09/2025 14:31

You both sound very young how old are you?He told you he didn’t want a child but you decided to keep the baby that is your choice so you need to go this alone but he must pay CMS.If he wants to see the baby you can discuss this.I am sure you are a lovely mum to your beautiful child but her father is not reliable.Dont ask him to visit or contact him.He may In time become a good father but I doubt it.Good luck.

Original poster
Chloe207 · 09/09/2025 14:31

pinkfluffybirds · 09/09/2025 14:24

He knows that you’re into him and he enjoys playing around with you. He doesn’t want to be with you. He told you that. Men are very simple and very often they do tell you exactly what they want and don’t want. We as women are the Overthinkers and think maybe there’s a hidden meaning or maybe they said that, but don’t mean that. No, that’s what women do.

Focus on being a great mum let him see the kid - never stop him from seeing the kid, I never use the kid as a weapon or as leverage. This will backfire because when you need support, he may very well turn around and say no.

If you can keep things pleasant with him and try and just get over your feelings, You could have a healthy coparent relationship. But you need to get over him because he’s not into you. He’s just having fun with you and getting his thrills because you’re there and he knows you like him.

Edited

I love this, this is what I needed to hear!

oh no definitely not, I wouldn’t use our daughter as a weapon! So there is no worry about that. X

OP posts:
Mrsttcno1 · 09/09/2025 14:31

Take a huge step back, don’t text him.

If he wants to see his child then he can reach out, if he doesn’t reach out then he won’t see his child and that’s okay. Rather know from the start what kind of “dad” he is.

I’d also suggest given that you have some feelings which are not reciprocated, stop letting him come to your home and play happy families. If he wants to see his child then he can meet you at the park, for a walk, for a coffee, at the shops, he could take her for a walk round the block in the pram to give you a break etc, he doesn’t need to be hanging around your home at bedtime. It’s blurring boundaries in your mind when actually he doesn’t want you, but these instances let you convince yourself he might and you’ll never move on with your life while you stay in that cycle.

Original poster
Chloe207 · 09/09/2025 14:33

Ragruggers · 09/09/2025 14:31

You both sound very young how old are you?He told you he didn’t want a child but you decided to keep the baby that is your choice so you need to go this alone but he must pay CMS.If he wants to see the baby you can discuss this.I am sure you are a lovely mum to your beautiful child but her father is not reliable.Dont ask him to visit or contact him.He may In time become a good father but I doubt it.Good luck.

I’m 30, he’s 27, I didn’t find out till 17 weeks gone as I thought I was safe on the coil, and ended up in hospital and that’s how I found out, I really couldn’t of got rid at 17 weeks.

but yes I will stop making the effort, he has my number he can always text if he wants to see her. X

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 09/09/2025 14:33

Stop texting him first, if he wants to see her then he can make the effort. No hugs. No kisses. Let him see her but draw a line under the relationship

Original poster
Chloe207 · 09/09/2025 14:41

Mrsttcno1 · 09/09/2025 14:31

Take a huge step back, don’t text him.

If he wants to see his child then he can reach out, if he doesn’t reach out then he won’t see his child and that’s okay. Rather know from the start what kind of “dad” he is.

I’d also suggest given that you have some feelings which are not reciprocated, stop letting him come to your home and play happy families. If he wants to see his child then he can meet you at the park, for a walk, for a coffee, at the shops, he could take her for a walk round the block in the pram to give you a break etc, he doesn’t need to be hanging around your home at bedtime. It’s blurring boundaries in your mind when actually he doesn’t want you, but these instances let you convince yourself he might and you’ll never move on with your life while you stay in that cycle.

That’s the thing, we do all that, we go out and have food, go for walks, shopping, you name it we do it. But he won’t do it alone. He just prefers me to be there with him. I’ve asked him why and he said he gets nervous incase she cries and doesn’t stop and I’ve explained I have to do it alone when I’m out with her… but nope! X

OP posts:
Original poster
Chloe207 · 09/09/2025 14:44

Latenightreader · 09/09/2025 14:28

He doesn't want to be with you, he's stringing you along in the hope of more sex. Tighten your boundaries and concentrate on being a mum for now.

He’s told me he doesn’t want sex incase I get pregnant again, which I understand, but I didn’t mean to get pregnant, like I said I was on the coil, and it happened. But I’m to tired for sex any way haha. With my daughter keeping me up most of the night , sex is that last thing on my mind. And he’s stated he doesn’t want sex.

OP posts:
Mrsttcno1 · 09/09/2025 14:44

Chloe207 · 09/09/2025 14:41

That’s the thing, we do all that, we go out and have food, go for walks, shopping, you name it we do it. But he won’t do it alone. He just prefers me to be there with him. I’ve asked him why and he said he gets nervous incase she cries and doesn’t stop and I’ve explained I have to do it alone when I’m out with her… but nope! X

Show quote history

Then he’s not being a dad OP, he’s just tagging along.

SoScarletItWas · 09/09/2025 14:48

Don’t ’wait for him to text’ (or not).

Put in a proper plan. Make arrangements for
him to see his DD on specific days and times. Work up to these being on his own with her.

Original poster
Chloe207 · 09/09/2025 14:51

SoScarletItWas · 09/09/2025 14:48

Don’t ’wait for him to text’ (or not).

Put in a proper plan. Make arrangements for
him to see his DD on specific days and times. Work up to these being on his own with her.

I actually tried this, I said let’s plan for you to see her twice a week, you can pick the days and times, I said it’s not always up to me to text you, because one day you’ll never hear from me again, and he said “well if you think you are better off with out me then leave” I didn’t reply back, because I don’t want to argue. X

OP posts:
Latenightreader · 09/09/2025 14:55

Chloe207 · 09/09/2025 14:44

He’s told me he doesn’t want sex incase I get pregnant again, which I understand, but I didn’t mean to get pregnant, like I said I was on the coil, and it happened. But I’m to tired for sex any way haha. With my daughter keeping me up most of the night , sex is that last thing on my mind. And he’s stated he doesn’t want sex.

Show quote history

The fact you've had a conversation about sex says quite a bit! I think he gets a kick out of knowing you like him - he wants you to want sex with him, which means he can put all responsibility on to you.

Maybe I'm cynical but I knew someone in a similar situation years ago. She had a baby after a brief relationship, then had two more over the next few years because she was lonely and convinced herself he loved them all and they were a family. We could see he just went there to sleep with her and had other girlfriends, some serious, in the interim. Eventually she cottoned on and stopped sleeping with him, but last time I saw her (10ish years ago) she still seemed to hope they'd end up together.

Original poster
Chloe207 · 09/09/2025 14:59

I don’t hope we end up together that’s what I’m trying to say…. I’ve told him how I feel, I said I like him, but him making me feel wanted when he’s around ain’t helping me? And he’s told me he don’t want a relationship so I get that.

I want a healthy relationship “co parenting” for our baby girl, but he seems to need me around with him. And if I don’t text him asking if he wants to see her then he won’t? Ahhhh it’s a lot for me, because he’s told me he wants to be in her life, he wants to be around more, he wants to make memories, but where is he?? He doesn’t make the effort. X

OP posts:
SoScarletItWas · 09/09/2025 15:00

Chloe207 · 09/09/2025 14:51

I actually tried this, I said let’s plan for you to see her twice a week, you can pick the days and times, I said it’s not always up to me to text you, because one day you’ll never hear from me again, and he said “well if you think you are better off with out me then leave” I didn’t reply back, because I don’t want to argue. X

Show quote history

Hmmmm I think adding because one day you’ll never hear from me again turned it into a bit of an argument from the start! I’d have another go without that bit!

Mrsttcno1 · 09/09/2025 15:00

If he wanted to be in her life then he would be, he wouldn’t need you to encourage him.

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