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Original poster

Advice on baby dad please

60 replies

Chloe207 · 09/09/2025 13:57

Hey mummas, please no nasty comments I just really need / want advice, had my little girl 4 months ago, I was on the coil and got caught, the lad I was seeing / meeting up with didn’t want me to keep the baby, but I did, not out of spite, not to keep him around, or anything like that I just really fell in love with my baby when I seen her on the screen at the scan! Anyway… my baby dad told me he didn’t want the responsibility of a baby but now he always says he’s glad she’s here and he absolutely adores her when he’s around seeing her, he prefers me to be around when seeing her, he’s a first time dad and gets a little anxious, but… he never actually asks to see her, never texts to ask about her, it’s always me making the effort or texting him, I hardly ever get texts back nowadays, he text me last night asking if we was ok, I said yeah thanks. And he text back good can I pick up my bag please, I said ohhhhh that’s why you are really texting to get your bag, and he was like WTF you think I only text when it in benefits me, I texted back saying yes, you never text unless you need something doing, anyway, I said come round now and you can give baby a cuddle before bed, and he said I want one off you as well, so he came picked his bag up and cuddles our daughter, gave her kisses and more cuddles, and came up to me from behind when I had our daughter in my arms and gave us both the nicest cuddle ever, and a kiss on the cheek for me, we are NOT together, but when we are around each other he makes me feel wanted and he’s always smiling around me, I asked him once what are we… and he said “I don’t ever want a relationship with you” …. He is very confusing, never textes or makes an Effort but like I said when we are together he makes me feel like we are? “I don’t know if that makes sense but to me it does lol” ….. so…. Do I completely back off? No texting and making an effort with him.? But then I’m worried he will never see her if I don’t text him??? I’ve obviously explained how I feel “I like him” but as he said “never a relationship” HELP ME!!! Do I walk away and not text him??? X

OP posts:
Original poster
Chloe207 · 09/09/2025 15:01

Seee I get that when I sent it. But it’s true? If I stop texting he genuinely wouldn’t hear from
me again? Because he don’t text first. If that makes sense? X

OP posts:
Original poster
Chloe207 · 09/09/2025 15:03

Mrsttcno1 · 09/09/2025 15:00

If he wanted to be in her life then he would be, he wouldn’t need you to encourage him.

👏 this!!

but he shouldn’t be telling me he wants to be around more, he wants to make memories, he wants to be there! Because he doesn’t do any of them, that’s why I was making an effort thinking he really wants to. But obviously not. X

OP posts:
DeQuin · 09/09/2025 15:04

What blows my mind is that you are 30. Your reasoning makes you sound like you are 17.

Give yourself a stern talking to. What kind of woman do you want to model to your daughter? Someone who is respected and gives respect in a mutually supportive relationship, yes? And someone who is OK on her own when that isn't around? BE THAT PERSON.

This dynamic is not good for you and you need some self-respect. This man is a waste of space and is not stepping up to be a dad or a partner. The sooner you see that and act on it the better.

Interested in this thread?

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Families
Original poster
Chloe207 · 09/09/2025 15:09

DeQuin · 09/09/2025 15:04

What blows my mind is that you are 30. Your reasoning makes you sound like you are 17.

Give yourself a stern talking to. What kind of woman do you want to model to your daughter? Someone who is respected and gives respect in a mutually supportive relationship, yes? And someone who is OK on her own when that isn't around? BE THAT PERSON.

This dynamic is not good for you and you need some self-respect. This man is a waste of space and is not stepping up to be a dad or a partner. The sooner you see that and act on it the better.

Damn, i really needed to hear this, thank you, as harsh as it sounded, i needed this. X

OP posts:
HappyintheHills · 09/09/2025 15:11

He wants the absolute easiest way of being a dad.
Outings and hugs with you.
Paid for by his dad.
How are his parenting skills?

menopausalfart · 09/09/2025 15:13

So you're allowing him to pop in and out when he feels like it, plus, you are raising your child on your own? Why would you want someone like this in your life? You and your daughter deserve so much more. Stop pandering to this man-child and start concentrating on putting up boundaries and working on your self-worth.
Letting someone come and go as they please, especially when they aren't pulling their weight as a parent , only reinforces their behavior. When someone isn’t showing consistency, respect, or emotional presence, it’s not just frustrating it’s damaging, especially to a child who needs stability and healthy role models.

Original poster
Chloe207 · 09/09/2025 15:15

HappyintheHills · 09/09/2025 15:11

He wants the absolute easiest way of being a dad.
Outings and hugs with you.
Paid for by his dad.
How are his parenting skills?

I can’t lie when he’s with her he’s amazing, does every right but doesn’t like to hold her as much. He will play with her, sit down with her, feed her, change her, be silly. So I can’t fault him for that. X

OP posts:
Starlight1984 · 09/09/2025 15:16

Chloe207 · 09/09/2025 15:03

👏 this!!

but he shouldn’t be telling me he wants to be around more, he wants to make memories, he wants to be there! Because he doesn’t do any of them, that’s why I was making an effort thinking he really wants to. But obviously not. X

Show quote history

Anyone can say words.

AmIHumanOrAmIAYeti · 09/09/2025 15:25

He’s showing you who he is. Leave him alone and see if he contacts you about seeing your baby. Stop running after him.

Sassylovesbooks · 09/09/2025 15:37

He's keeping you dangling on a string, simply because he can. He's made it plain he's not interested in having a relationship with you. He's giving you a few crumbs of affection, just to keep you interested. It may be having you hanging around on that string, is a nice ego boost for him. He's using you, my lovely. You need to take a very large step back. He's the Father of your daughter, and nothing more. Yes, it's good to be able to get on, it will make co-parenting much easier. You don't need to contact him at all unless it's to do with your daughter. I understand being a new Dad he's nervous around his daughter, and at the moment he'd prefer you to be there. If that continues for the time being, then you need to put boundaries in place. You're not together, so he shouldn't be touching you! You need to allow him to be the one who does things for his daughter, when he sees her. He's never going to learn otherwise. You also need to both work out a plan going forward for him to see his daughter regularly, and yes he will be expected to have her on his own, although she's too young for overnights. He needs to be paying child support too.

Original poster
Chloe207 · 09/09/2025 15:44

Thank you for comment, I’m loving all these honest opinions. And yes i absolutely agree with you. Oh hell no , no over nights any time soon haha. My mum asked for her the other night and I was like noooo I’m not ready 😂 he is paying child support… well his dad is! Not sure why he is but I didn’t question it incase they think I’m being weird and stop paying. X

OP posts:
Sunnyscribe · 09/09/2025 15:53

He's not showing you or you're daughter any commitment, it's not good enough. As sad as it is I would stop being responsible for him having contact with your daughter. You deserve better than to work so hard to get attention and affection. There is someone out there who will give you this every day because they want to. Right now it's like you are begging for it and I don't mean that to sound horrible, you deserve better, he is the one in the wrong here.

Silverfoxlady · 09/09/2025 16:06

I think, maybe while he is comfortable at your house, you could always take small steps to make him more independent. Such as telling him you need to ‘pop to the shop for some milk’ while he is there, or ‘have a bath’ - force him to learn to be responsible for her, it is his child. He can handle 5/10/15 minutes or more without a panic attack.

He sounds like his parents are still around? Do you trust them with your baby? I think it would be a good experience for him to take the baby to see his parents and to have more space from you. This will give him more confidence as a father (away from you) while still getting support from others. Also - grandparents are the best! Such a great support system.

The excuse he has of being ‘scared in case she cries’ is total bs. He could easily take her for a walk around the local park, and if she does cry he can head home. No big deal. 5 minutes back.

Tell him to stop touching you, set boundaries. He is not your boyfriend. Think that while he is flirting with you, he most probably has someone else he is in a ‘real’ relationship with. Don't be his side piece, you deserve more. You deserve someone who will be happy to be with you and values you as you are.

Good luck op. I hope this co-parenting works out.

Frogs88 · 09/09/2025 16:08

I think you should stop trying to force it. It’s better to know now how involved he wants to be because if he doesn’t actually care then eventually he’ll stop coming to see her and IMO it’s better that you all know where you stand now than in a few years when your daughter has formed an attachment to him and is let down by him never showing up.

ThatCleverCoralCrow · 09/09/2025 16:30

Chloe207 · 09/09/2025 14:09

I wouldn’t want my daughter to feel how I feel. But he makes me feel like we together when we are together if that makes sense?? The little leg touches, hugs, random kisses on the cheek, buying things…. I’ve told him how it makes me feel, and he always makes an argument about it, I do only text him if he wants to see our daughter nothing more than that. But he doesn’t? So what I’m saying is…. Do I just stop asking him? And wait for him to text for once? X

Some guys can switch it on and off. Shut the way he acts down, be almost business like.

Don't contact him, let him contact you regarding contact. You shouldn't have to chase him to see baby, he'll become too used to that. He will need to get his act together if he wants to see baby, plan your life without him and watch him either step up/or retreat away from you. Either way, you'll be better off.

WhoWouldBeAWoman · 09/09/2025 16:40

Actions speak louder than words. So he is only visiting when you text him (probably because he thinks he should rather than wanting to) even though he's telling you he wants to be involved and make memories.
If you stop texting him, it's him who will be missing out, not your DD. You are already being mum and dad when you're solo parenting 100% of the time (except when he is there with you pretending to be dad).
Stop texting him then let him really show you what he's about.

Arraminta · 09/09/2025 17:23

Good God, I thought you were both teenagers? You sound emotionally very immature so I will give you the same advice I gave our teen DDs when they started having boyfriends If he is making you feel confused, tense or anxious then he DOES NOT care about you

It really is that simple.

TeenagersAngst · 09/09/2025 17:54

Unfortunately, you’ve procreated with an immature apology for a man. Also, unfortunately, you are still into him while he has made it clear he is not interested in any sort of mature, respectful relationship.

Please work on your personal boundaries, your low self esteem and your self respect and set a good example to your daughter so she doesn’t repeat your unfortunate mistake.

Septemberisthenewyear · 09/09/2025 17:59

Chloe207 · 09/09/2025 14:33

I’m 30, he’s 27, I didn’t find out till 17 weeks gone as I thought I was safe on the coil, and ended up in hospital and that’s how I found out, I really couldn’t of got rid at 17 weeks.

but yes I will stop making the effort, he has my number he can always text if he wants to see her. X

Show quote history

I was expecting you to be much younger.

He is touching you because he wants to have sex with you and keep you easy to deal with. He doesn’t want a relationship with you. He doesn’t want to step up and parent.

Stop reaching out to him. Only communicate about your child and even then only when he contacts you first and claim CM.

PigletSanders · 09/09/2025 18:26

Chloe207 · 09/09/2025 14:33

I’m 30, he’s 27, I didn’t find out till 17 weeks gone as I thought I was safe on the coil, and ended up in hospital and that’s how I found out, I really couldn’t of got rid at 17 weeks.

but yes I will stop making the effort, he has my number he can always text if he wants to see her. X

Show quote history

He’s 27 and his dad is the one paying child maintenance? What the fuck?

Get this man baby out of both of your lives. He brings nothing except confusion.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 09/09/2025 18:32

He wants you to be a good baby mother, so he can have a peaceful life, giving you snippets of affection to keep you sweet, but doesn't make contact, because he is not interested.
Make sure he is paying regular maintenance, decide if you want to co-parent, if he won't commit to co-parent, forget him.

PigletSanders · 09/09/2025 18:44

Chloe207 · 09/09/2025 15:15

I can’t lie when he’s with her he’s amazing, does every right but doesn’t like to hold her as much. He will play with her, sit down with her, feed her, change her, be silly. So I can’t fault him for that. X

Show quote history

So many women have such low bars for men as fathers. “Can’t fault him”… for what? He does fuck all? Just feigns interest for 20 minutes every six weeks. Ludicrous.

fraughtcouture · 09/09/2025 20:49

What an utterly depressing thread. Everyone involved needs to grow up. The fact you’re even writing a thread about a “baby dad” you “still like” and that you think he is somehow worthy of being someone’s father is pathetic. The poor little girl at the centre of this shitshow…

Laura95167 · 10/09/2025 19:03

Hes not into you. He likes the cute little set up briefly when he visits. But he was clear, he doesnt want you.

Tbh I would only text him about the baby, and I wouldnt be cuddling him. He likes you there when he sees daughter because he gets all the feels and non if the responsibility.

You dont need this confusion and neither does your LO. Don't put yourself through this you love a fantasy

Laura95167 · 10/09/2025 19:07

Chloe207 · 09/09/2025 14:44

He’s told me he doesn’t want sex incase I get pregnant again, which I understand, but I didn’t mean to get pregnant, like I said I was on the coil, and it happened. But I’m to tired for sex any way haha. With my daughter keeping me up most of the night , sex is that last thing on my mind. And he’s stated he doesn’t want sex.

Show quote history

Why are you even discussing sex? Hes your ex.

He likes you there for the feels but non of the graft.

And hes feeding your fantasy. I know you want him to love you but he doesnt.