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Original poster

Confused about this man

64 replies

pinenuts75 · 07/09/2025 17:17

I’ve known this man a while from going to the pub sometimes, on Friday I was out with friends I had a few wines and got chatting to him, he suggested we go somewhere else, now thinking about it now I’m sober was he wrong to suggest that? He knew I was out with friends, I’ve spoke to my friend about it and she said she didn’t mind me going off with him, anyway it was time to go home and I was going to get a taxi, but he insisted on me going back to his flat to book one, because I was tipsy I agreed, we went back had a kiss and stuff but not full on sex thank goodness, I can’t help but feel he’s used me in a way, but he has called me since and wants to meet in the week, my friend doesn’t think he’s done anything wrong but I’m unsure, he also called me a twat but he was only joking, in no way was he being horrible. Would you see this man again? honest answers please.

OP posts:
PoppySaidYesIKnow · 07/09/2025 17:19

Yeah he’s taken advantage of you and that you’d been drinking. Calling someone a twat in any context is not good, he should have been on his best behaviour on a sort of first date. I’d be very cautious.

Missj25 · 07/09/2025 17:32

pinenuts75 · 07/09/2025 17:17

I’ve known this man a while from going to the pub sometimes, on Friday I was out with friends I had a few wines and got chatting to him, he suggested we go somewhere else, now thinking about it now I’m sober was he wrong to suggest that? He knew I was out with friends, I’ve spoke to my friend about it and she said she didn’t mind me going off with him, anyway it was time to go home and I was going to get a taxi, but he insisted on me going back to his flat to book one, because I was tipsy I agreed, we went back had a kiss and stuff but not full on sex thank goodness, I can’t help but feel he’s used me in a way, but he has called me since and wants to meet in the week, my friend doesn’t think he’s done anything wrong but I’m unsure, he also called me a twat but he was only joking, in no way was he being horrible. Would you see this man again? honest answers please.

Ah I don’t know really , like what kind is he , is he a nice person?
You mention he called you a twat, but like that completely depends on situation, doesn’t it ?
Why did he call you that , was it all messing around & having the craic ?

Middlemarch123 · 07/09/2025 17:36

Be careful OP, sorry to sound like an old prude, but this could have ended up badly. I got into similar situations when I was younger, but thankfully nothing horrible happened. Sadly one of my friends wasn’t so lucky. After she was assaulted we all agreed that we’d stay together and not leave with anyone. Basically, we looked out for each other. So take care in future.

Anchorage56 · 07/09/2025 17:40

If you want something casual with him then yes see him again as that is what you will get, if you are looking for a relationship then I'd look elsewhere

tripleginandtonic · 07/09/2025 17:42

Was he drunk?

Original poster
pinenuts75 · 07/09/2025 17:45

Missj25 · 07/09/2025 17:32

Ah I don’t know really , like what kind is he , is he a nice person?
You mention he called you a twat, but like that completely depends on situation, doesn’t it ?
Why did he call you that , was it all messing around & having the craic ?

Show quote history

My friend knows him better than me and she thinks he’s ok and a gentleman, but I don’t think he was acting very gentlemanly on Friday, yes he was definitely messing about calling me that, but I’ve never been called that before by a bloke lol.

OP posts:
Dabberlocks · 07/09/2025 17:45

He insisted you went back to his flat. Insisted.

I'd steer clear of him if I were you. Who is he to insist that you do anything, let alone go back to his flat when you were pissed? His motive was obvious.

Steer clear of him, and never allow someone to insist you do something that puts you in a vulnerable situation again.

Original poster
pinenuts75 · 07/09/2025 17:45

tripleginandtonic · 07/09/2025 17:42

Was he drunk?

No he wasn’t, he seemed quite sober.

OP posts:
Dontlletmedownbruce · 07/09/2025 17:46

There's nothing wrong with someone, man or woman, wanting a physical relationship and suggesting moving in this way. The only problem is if you have different views and expectations than him. I don't think there's anything wrong here but you need to be honest, and tell him if you want to do things differently. It may work out, it may not. As for the word he used, it's not one I like but if it was jokey it might be something he says a lot with friends and let is slip out because he felt comfortable with you.

Anchorage56 · 07/09/2025 17:48

pinenuts75 · 07/09/2025 17:45

No he wasn’t, he seemed quite sober.

Show quote history

And were you drunk?

Original poster
pinenuts75 · 07/09/2025 17:48

Dabberlocks · 07/09/2025 17:45

He insisted you went back to his flat. Insisted.

I'd steer clear of him if I were you. Who is he to insist that you do anything, let alone go back to his flat when you were pissed? His motive was obvious.

Steer clear of him, and never allow someone to insist you do something that puts you in a vulnerable situation again.

Well I was booking a taxi from the pub to my house, but he stopped me and said come on I’ll get you one from my flat, now I’m sober I think well couldn’t you have got me one from the pub, no way would I have gone back to his if I was sober and I now realise how stupid I was.

OP posts:
MagneticSquirrel · 07/09/2025 17:49

Suggesting you go “somewhere else” is a polite way of saying he wants to sleep you as soon as possible that same evening. He probably assumed you knew this. He wasn’t wrong to suggest it. Some people are happy to have a one night stand or casual fun.

But nice guys looking for a relationship don’t tend to separate women from their group during a night out. If you want casual fun probably fine that will never turn into a serious relationship he’ll be fine.

Sounds like you are looking for someone to date that might become a serious relationship, in which case stay well clear.

Original poster
pinenuts75 · 07/09/2025 17:49

Anchorage56 · 07/09/2025 17:48

And were you drunk?

Show quote history

I was a bit tipsy

OP posts:
Original poster
pinenuts75 · 07/09/2025 17:51

MagneticSquirrel · 07/09/2025 17:49

Suggesting you go “somewhere else” is a polite way of saying he wants to sleep you as soon as possible that same evening. He probably assumed you knew this. He wasn’t wrong to suggest it. Some people are happy to have a one night stand or casual fun.

But nice guys looking for a relationship don’t tend to separate women from their group during a night out. If you want casual fun probably fine that will never turn into a serious relationship he’ll be fine.

Sounds like you are looking for someone to date that might become a serious relationship, in which case stay well clear.

Yes this is what I think, but my friend can’t see he’s done anything wrong asking me to go off with him.

OP posts:
Anchorage56 · 07/09/2025 17:52

pinenuts75 · 07/09/2025 17:51

Yes this is what I think, but my friend can’t see he’s done anything wrong asking me to go off with him.

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Did your friend maybe assume that you would realise what that might involve?

Original poster
pinenuts75 · 07/09/2025 17:53

Anchorage56 · 07/09/2025 17:52

Did your friend maybe assume that you would realise what that might involve?

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I don’t know to be honest, I’m a bit annoyed she thinks he’s a gentleman though as gentlemen don’t do that.

OP posts:
Anchorage56 · 07/09/2025 17:58

pinenuts75 · 07/09/2025 17:53

I don’t know to be honest, I’m a bit annoyed she thinks he’s a gentleman though as gentlemen don’t do that.

Show quote history

You meet a man in a pub and he wants you to go back to his place and not one part of you thought that might have been sexually motivated?

Missj25 · 07/09/2025 18:18

pinenuts75 · 07/09/2025 17:45

My friend knows him better than me and she thinks he’s ok and a gentleman, but I don’t think he was acting very gentlemanly on Friday, yes he was definitely messing about calling me that, but I’ve never been called that before by a bloke lol.

Show quote history

Like PP , lots of people have 1 night stands & the norm would be one person asks the other to their place 🤷🏻‍♀️
He prob presumed you guessed that , no ?
Like it doesn’t mean he’s an asshole either ..
Taking advantage is some guy taking you back to his place & you’re in no condition to go anywhere but home ..
You said he’s asked to meet you again , like I think you’re annoyed with how the last night went so then what’s the point in meeting him again when you just ended up with negative feelings about the night 🤷🏻‍♀️

LupaMoonhowl · 07/09/2025 18:18

You were drink and maybe he was.
Nothing wrong with him suggesting it. You could have said no. You can’t blame him if you were willing to go along with it. Why are men held to a higher standard than women?

Next time a man shows interest in a pub - if you fancy him just give him your number to call you the next day and go home with your friends. Honestly we knew all this stuff when we were 16.

Original poster
pinenuts75 · 07/09/2025 18:20

Anchorage56 · 07/09/2025 17:58

You meet a man in a pub and he wants you to go back to his place and not one part of you thought that might have been sexually motivated?

Show quote history

I was a bit to tipsy to make any decision, and I regret now going off with him.

OP posts:
Anchorage56 · 07/09/2025 18:23

pinenuts75 · 07/09/2025 18:20

I was a bit to tipsy to make any decision, and I regret now going off with him.

Show quote history

A bit too tipsy to not realise you dont need to order a taxi from a stranger's house 🤔 surely you would need to be properly drunk to not realise that. Either that or your a vulnerable person and it's your friend you should be angry with if she was happy to let you go off with this man.

Original poster
pinenuts75 · 07/09/2025 18:25

Anchorage56 · 07/09/2025 18:23

A bit too tipsy to not realise you dont need to order a taxi from a stranger's house 🤔 surely you would need to be properly drunk to not realise that. Either that or your a vulnerable person and it's your friend you should be angry with if she was happy to let you go off with this man.

Show quote history

In my defence he was quite insistent, and yeah I am quite annoyed with her.

OP posts:
CurlewKate · 07/09/2025 18:25

He knew you were drunk but still suggested you went to his house. He called you a twat. Dump.

Original poster
pinenuts75 · 07/09/2025 18:27

LupaMoonhowl · 07/09/2025 18:18

You were drink and maybe he was.
Nothing wrong with him suggesting it. You could have said no. You can’t blame him if you were willing to go along with it. Why are men held to a higher standard than women?

Next time a man shows interest in a pub - if you fancy him just give him your number to call you the next day and go home with your friends. Honestly we knew all this stuff when we were 16.

we did exchange numbers, and when he said let’s go somewhere else I said no I’m with my friends, but again he was quite insistent and my friend said go with him it’s fine, so I felt a bit outnumbered like I should really go with him.

OP posts:
SquadGoals75 · 07/09/2025 18:35

Dabberlocks · 07/09/2025 17:45

He insisted you went back to his flat. Insisted.

I'd steer clear of him if I were you. Who is he to insist that you do anything, let alone go back to his flat when you were pissed? His motive was obvious.

Steer clear of him, and never allow someone to insist you do something that puts you in a vulnerable situation again.

This. Some men cannot take no for an answer and pester/harass women until they give in just to shut them up which is what I suspect has happened here. It’s difficult to stand up to these idiots when you’re caught off guard.

If he was genuinely a gentleman, ‘insisting’ you went back to his flat wouldn’t have even entered his head.

I’d steer well clear OP and I hope you’re ok.