Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Confused about this man

64 replies

pinenuts75 · 07/09/2025 17:17

I’ve known this man a while from going to the pub sometimes, on Friday I was out with friends I had a few wines and got chatting to him, he suggested we go somewhere else, now thinking about it now I’m sober was he wrong to suggest that? He knew I was out with friends, I’ve spoke to my friend about it and she said she didn’t mind me going off with him, anyway it was time to go home and I was going to get a taxi, but he insisted on me going back to his flat to book one, because I was tipsy I agreed, we went back had a kiss and stuff but not full on sex thank goodness, I can’t help but feel he’s used me in a way, but he has called me since and wants to meet in the week, my friend doesn’t think he’s done anything wrong but I’m unsure, he also called me a twat but he was only joking, in no way was he being horrible. Would you see this man again? honest answers please.

OP posts:
Anchorage56 · 07/09/2025 18:35

OP am I right in saying the person you are actually angry with is yourself? Not your friend, not this man but yourself. You regret your decision, your disappointed in yourself. Sometimes you cant blame other people but accept that you did something you now regret. It happens sometimes. Dont beat yourself up.

Original poster
pinenuts75 · 07/09/2025 18:56

Anchorage56 · 07/09/2025 18:35

OP am I right in saying the person you are actually angry with is yourself? Not your friend, not this man but yourself. You regret your decision, your disappointed in yourself. Sometimes you cant blame other people but accept that you did something you now regret. It happens sometimes. Dont beat yourself up.

Yes I am very annoyed with myself, but also I am angry with him and my friend.

OP posts:
Original poster
pinenuts75 · 07/09/2025 18:57

SquadGoals75 · 07/09/2025 18:35

This. Some men cannot take no for an answer and pester/harass women until they give in just to shut them up which is what I suspect has happened here. It’s difficult to stand up to these idiots when you’re caught off guard.

If he was genuinely a gentleman, ‘insisting’ you went back to his flat wouldn’t have even entered his head.

I’d steer well clear OP and I hope you’re ok.

Show quote history

This is what I think and I’m annoyed my friend thinks he’s a gentleman.

OP posts:
Anchorage56 · 07/09/2025 19:01

pinenuts75 · 07/09/2025 18:56

Yes I am very annoyed with myself, but also I am angry with him and my friend.

Show quote history

Well if you feel your friend coerced you into doing something you didnt want to do then perhaps she isnt such a good friend. But next time stand up for yourself and think for yourself and your safety, if you didnt want to get into a sexual situation with this man that is.

Original poster
pinenuts75 · 07/09/2025 19:05

Anchorage56 · 07/09/2025 19:01

Well if you feel your friend coerced you into doing something you didnt want to do then perhaps she isnt such a good friend. But next time stand up for yourself and think for yourself and your safety, if you didnt want to get into a sexual situation with this man that is.

Show quote history

I don’t think she was being a bad friend, she knows him and thinks he’s a gentleman because he’s always been nice to her, she would never want me to get into a bad situation, infact when I told her I had slept at his she was quite shocked. Believe me if I had been sober I would have gone home, it’s scary really how easy it is to get yourself into a possibly bad situation through drinking.

OP posts:
Anchorage56 · 07/09/2025 19:09

pinenuts75 · 07/09/2025 19:05

I don’t think she was being a bad friend, she knows him and thinks he’s a gentleman because he’s always been nice to her, she would never want me to get into a bad situation, infact when I told her I had slept at his she was quite shocked. Believe me if I had been sober I would have gone home, it’s scary really how easy it is to get yourself into a possibly bad situation through drinking.

Show quote history

Especially given you said you were just a bit tipsy when first asked. I'd say stay off the drink if you make such unwise choices when only a bit tipsy. Or brief your friend beforehand that she isnt to let you go off with men back to theirs.

leahnejade · 07/09/2025 19:10

Do you find him attractive and did you have fun?? If not don’t see him again. Simple.

Original poster
pinenuts75 · 07/09/2025 19:13

leahnejade · 07/09/2025 19:10

Do you find him attractive and did you have fun?? If not don’t see him again. Simple.

He’s ok but just ok, yes we had fun but this has put me off him, now I’ve had time to think about it.

OP posts:
Original poster
pinenuts75 · 07/09/2025 19:13

Anchorage56 · 07/09/2025 19:09

Especially given you said you were just a bit tipsy when first asked. I'd say stay off the drink if you make such unwise choices when only a bit tipsy. Or brief your friend beforehand that she isnt to let you go off with men back to theirs.

Show quote history

Yes you’re probably right.

OP posts:
Needtosoundoffandbreathe · 07/09/2025 19:16

Listen to your gut. He's a wrong un. Maybe he took advantage of your drunkenness, maybe you were happy about it at the time. Someone who cared about you wouldn't have done what he did.

Missj25 · 07/09/2025 19:37

Needtosoundoffandbreathe · 07/09/2025 19:16

Listen to your gut. He's a wrong un. Maybe he took advantage of your drunkenness, maybe you were happy about it at the time. Someone who cared about you wouldn't have done what he did.

And people have one night stands !
It doesn’t have to be so deep. !
Doesn’t mean he’s a ‘ wrong un ‘ either 🙄

Onthebusses · 07/09/2025 19:40

He wasn't joking. That's not a joke.

He is horrible. He insulted you to your face then pretended it was a joke.

Original poster
pinenuts75 · 07/09/2025 19:52

Onthebusses · 07/09/2025 19:40

He wasn't joking. That's not a joke.

He is horrible. He insulted you to your face then pretended it was a joke.

I’m totally confused at the moment, I don’t know what’s worse him calling me that, or him taking advantage of me being a bit drunk, he’s meant to be calling me tonight, I might just give an excuse I fell asleep, he also wants to take me out in the week no idea what to do.

OP posts:
Needtosoundoffandbreathe · 07/09/2025 20:06

Missj25 · 07/09/2025 19:37

And people have one night stands !
It doesn’t have to be so deep. !
Doesn’t mean he’s a ‘ wrong un ‘ either 🙄

Show quote history

I think he was, all things considered. OP wouldn't be feeling like this if she was completely comfortable with the situation.

Anchorage56 · 07/09/2025 20:08

pinenuts75 · 07/09/2025 19:52

I’m totally confused at the moment, I don’t know what’s worse him calling me that, or him taking advantage of me being a bit drunk, he’s meant to be calling me tonight, I might just give an excuse I fell asleep, he also wants to take me out in the week no idea what to do.

Show quote history

Well if you feel he took advantage of you and your not happy then surely you dont see him again? Come on OP!

Glitchymn1 · 07/09/2025 20:12

He should have taken you home, not to his flat.

Go out with him again, it’s the only way to find out if you like him I suppose?
But I wouldn’t go home with him or invite him to yours. Exercise caution, calling you a twat even if joining wouldn’t be my idea of a good time. If he’s doing that now, what’s he going to be calling you in a few months?! He might put on a show for others.

Original poster
pinenuts75 · 07/09/2025 20:17

Anchorage56 · 07/09/2025 20:08

Well if you feel he took advantage of you and your not happy then surely you dont see him again? Come on OP!

Show quote history

What do I tell him then? And he knows where I live because he took me home Saturday morning.

OP posts:
Empress13 · 07/09/2025 20:17

He wanted sex plain and simple thank God you got home OK that could have ended very badly. Personally I wouldn’t see him again but then I’m a you get one chance kinda girl!

Original poster
pinenuts75 · 07/09/2025 20:19

Glitchymn1 · 07/09/2025 20:12

He should have taken you home, not to his flat.

Go out with him again, it’s the only way to find out if you like him I suppose?
But I wouldn’t go home with him or invite him to yours. Exercise caution, calling you a twat even if joining wouldn’t be my idea of a good time. If he’s doing that now, what’s he going to be calling you in a few months?! He might put on a show for others.

no man has ever called me that, joking or not.

OP posts:
Anchorage56 · 07/09/2025 20:20

pinenuts75 · 07/09/2025 20:17

What do I tell him then? And he knows where I live because he took me home Saturday morning.

Show quote history

You tell him you dont want to go for dinner or whatever it was he suggested. What does it matter if he knows where you live? How old are you btw?

Missj25 · 07/09/2025 20:23

Needtosoundoffandbreathe · 07/09/2025 20:06

I think he was, all things considered. OP wouldn't be feeling like this if she was completely comfortable with the situation.

Show quote history

Okay , so personally speaking , I have gone back before to guys house’s with them , out having a few drinks , one thing leads to another & he invites you to his 🤷🏻‍♀️.
There has been times then, & the next day I am sorry as hell , simply cause they may not have been my type , but they wouldn’t have been bad guys or anything , or taken advantage of me just that if I’d been sober I wouldn’t have ended up with them , that’s all 🤷🏻‍♀️ . I’m talking over the years here , I’m 49 now …
From reading OPS post , I think she’s full of regret now & putting it over on him & her friend ..

Original poster
pinenuts75 · 07/09/2025 20:23

Anchorage56 · 07/09/2025 20:20

You tell him you dont want to go for dinner or whatever it was he suggested. What does it matter if he knows where you live? How old are you btw?

Show quote history

Because I feel quite vulnerable and I live alone which he knows, how do I know he won’t get nasty? What’s my age got to do with it? I’m 50 by the way.

OP posts:
ThatCleverCoralCrow · 07/09/2025 20:24

Getting you back to his flat was his way of trying it on with you in private. I'd only meet him in a public place and if you really like him.

Anchorage56 · 07/09/2025 20:27

pinenuts75 · 07/09/2025 20:23

Because I feel quite vulnerable and I live alone which he knows, how do I know he won’t get nasty? What’s my age got to do with it? I’m 50 by the way.

Show quote history

You really sound like quite a vunerable person if you are being genuine.

I suspect you simply regret what happened. If it's true that you feel taken advantage of, insulted and are now worried he may turn nasty?? Then why on earth are you still in two minds about whether to see him again 🤔 sorry something isnt adding up. I think the reason you are in two minds is because you know it was your decision to go back to his, you knew what was going to happen and you simply regret it, so your trying to justify it by saying he acted wrongly.

Onthebusses · 07/09/2025 20:30

pinenuts75 · 07/09/2025 19:52

I’m totally confused at the moment, I don’t know what’s worse him calling me that, or him taking advantage of me being a bit drunk, he’s meant to be calling me tonight, I might just give an excuse I fell asleep, he also wants to take me out in the week no idea what to do.

Show quote history

Oh come on.

It's worse he took advantage of a drunk woman.

Look, let him take you out. If it's a date and he's respectful and you like him then cool.

But if it's just a piss up then a vie for a shag that's another.

Will you still be confused if it's the latter?

I'd be more confused if it's the former.