We’ve not been invited to anything by anyone all summer. No play dates. Nothing. Anyone else?

[Onionringsforbreakfast]

Got one DD age 7

We’ve not been invited to anything all summer. Nothing. Not one play date. I want to cry.

Have hosted at least 3x play dates and 2x BBQs at our house. I also tried to arrange a get together on the school year group WhatsApp but was met with tumbleweed.

Thankfully DD does various clubs and camps so she does see other kids her age.

I’m sat here wondering what’s wrong with me / us?? Or is this just life in 2025?

I feel awful for my kind, wonderful DD

Everyone is busy when it comes to hosting but not when it's the other way around. Funny that.

Play dates can get tricky when there’s siblings as one can feel left out or there’s more arguing- if my eldest has a play date, my youngest wants to join in but then there’s more negotiations on what they are doing/ they feel left out etc plus the house is also left in a state. Also, lots of people have a parent working from home and don’t need the extra noise and disruption

DC is a bit older (10) but also an only, the only successful meet ups/ hang outs (not allowed to say playdate anymore apparently) have been with other only children, all the ones with siblings seem to have much more structured/planned holidays which I guess makes sense having more than one child to sort out. Don’t take it too personally, it doesn’t mean people don’t like you/your DD

Not everyone wants to feel like they’re cramming everything into their free time. I know myself during a working week I cba to host play dates, do the extra tidying up from kids being home for 6 weeks plus all the jobs I would usually have anyway. Everyone’s different, some people like to be busy all the time and others don’t, some like to host play dates and others don’t

I think it’s pretty area/group dependent. We moved last summer and at our kids old school there would only be very occasional parties and play dates over the summer (DD1 is an August baby so we’d be doing at least one round of invites). This summer I’ve had to mute the class WhatsApps for Y1 and preschool as there’s so much going on, both DD2 and 3 are missing out on parties/get togethers while we’re away this week. My eldest gets fewer general invites but has had several meet ups with her bestie who lives round the corner. Apparently they are in a super sociable school now!

Pretty common for people with more than one child or who have other family support to not bother reciprocating play dates etc. in my experience.

Sadly, my 16yr old DS has spent the 10 week school holidays alone apart from visiting one friend over one weekend, (that I had to drive him to and collect afterwards).

He’s tried to arrange meet ups with others but they either agree initially then flake or just tell him they’re busy.

He's back at school now but still speaks to no one at the weekends. He doesn’t do any after school activities as they’re all Sports based and his disability precludes him.

I really worry about his mental health. 😳

Ds 10 hasn't seen a soul from school
. Possibly because the dps work and depend of clubs and dgps. No scope for anything else..
We've juggle between us and football camps...

Not you at all. We’ve been off all summer but have been away to Europe for a few weeks and seen extended family a lot. We’ve not actually had much time for anything else but have also noticed that we’ve not had any invitations by friends. But then I’ve not invited anyone over here so can’t complain really. People are just busy and there is less time than you think there will be.

Daughter who is 6. This has never entered my head. I’ve met up with friends outside of school (parents that are also my friends).
She has spent time with her cousins.
Spent time with us (her parents), grandparents, been on a 10 day holiday and a 4 day holiday. She has been to a birthday party at a soft play of a school friend. Otherwise school friends have never entered our heads. My niece is 10 and has met up with 2 of her friends otherwise she has been playing with her friends outside of school.

I remember as a child I didn’t see my school friends in school holidays until I reached senior school and I arranged them myself.

Are the camps and clubs not similar to play dates? Even two or three days (or more) for the week is a lot of hanging out with other kids already.

Times have changed so much with playdate expectations. I can’t remember ever seeing friends over a school break at a younger age. I had a good bunch of friends at school too. My family never went away on holidays either. As a teen I met up occasionally with friends for a movie or sleepover.

Since my dc started at secondary I went back to work full time, dh also works ft. Days off are either spent doing chores or time with the family, otherwise we’d barely see each other! It’s not you OP, I think it’s just time poverty.

Weekends in summer are spent doing family days out or weekend short breaks out of town (dcs have regular weekend clubs in term-time so it's the only opportunity to do theme parks, beach trips etc). During the summer I don't work but DD7 likes doing camps on weekdays so she's quite busy and most other classmates are doing camps or are abroad. We've hosted one playdate where the other mum suggested it but generally I find it a hassle to schedule as we're busy and so are her friends.

We must be the exception. My kids like to see their friends over the long summer and I am happy to have friends here - in some ways it makes my life easier. Our friends do not spend weeks of the summer away and nor do we - average a week or ten days. I do work part time but in no way do I feel we are too busy to entertain and my children get plenty of invites too. The summer would be very long without seeing a few familiar faces.

See, I find this rather sad, that school friends are more “school” and less “friend”, therefore outside of school they don’t really exist.

But DD’s school friends are her closest friends. Luckily when she was in primary the parents of her closest friends didn’t think like this, but I have seen this sentiment a lot on MN.

Us neither. Playdates just aren't done here. Most families in our school (well, DD is about to start high school) are from a culture that doesn't tend to socialise with people outside of it. No playdates, no meeting up at the park, no parties. My DC have never known any different so I don't think they're too bothered. But they do have each other, so it's a bit different.

However, I'm an only child and very very rarely met up with friends during the holidays either. Occasionally, but not as much as people seem to these days.

We have had a few and hosted a few, older DC organises his own.
But my work is termtime. A lot of people work 4 to 6 weeks of the summer holidays and that plus juggling clubs / camps / grandparents / kids amusing themselves at home while they try to work is enough, I think. It must be a real juggle.
So it’s probably not you, people just don’t always have time to host. The time they do scrape off work is set aside for immediate family and perhaps a family holiday.

Woah! You are a hero. That’s far too long 🤭

As others have noted ,it can be a busy time with holiday clubs, grand parents looking after grandchildren, the odd holiday here and there. Soon normality will return.

I have always gone out of my way to cut DC off (nicely!) from their school friends over the summer holidays (they’re 12-13 weeks long where we are). The school year is so intense and full-on with work and socializing that they (and I) really need a break from it and everyone in it. I’ve seen over the years how much they benefit. They see cousins, neighbors, DC of our friends, friends who don’t go to their school, grandparents, we go on holiday, they do camps…the time flies by and they won’t have seen a single school friend. Once they started getting into their teens and got phones they’d stay in touch that way a little - but again, not visiting (maybe the odd random day here or there), mostly texting and FaceTime. Everyone does the same as us, many travel for longer than we do. It’s rare that people are around tbh. It’s not personal, their school friends are almost all wonderful kids from good families. Just, it’s important to breathe and have something different. They always look forward to going back to school and the routine starting up again.

@Ddakji I find it really sad that school is the be all and end all. School is a massive part of their life, but they also have a life outside of school.
The holidays are a chance to see some
of the friends they don’t get to see very often in term time! she has football friends (the training runs all year round and a couple of friends from
school attend) and dancing friends who live in the same area. We’ve had fantastic weather these holidays and they have had lots of free play with them also.
she’s had lots of downtime too.
kids these days have too many scheduled activities….scheduled play dates etc.

A lot of my life long friends are from senior school and dancing. Not primary school.
im glad the year group my daughter is in
is friendly but not too intense..

@jonthebatiste I agree.
I haven’t gone out of the way to cut them off. But by the end of term my child is so tired and wants a break from everything school related!

It sucks. We are not British so no family/long term friends around. We have to keep ourselves busy at the weekends and during the holidays.
we host BBQs, parties and playdates and do not get a lot of invitations back. It is crap.
Don’t worry though, the older the children get, the more they can organise their own playdates and social lives.
Clubs are good in the meantime

School isn’t the be all and end all. You’re attaching that to children who become friends at school. That’s really weird. They’re just friends who met at school.

What a shame you think primary school aged children being good friends is “intense”.

Again, I’m glad DD’s friends’ parents weren’t like this. Seeing your friends a few times over the holidays isn’t intense.

DH has just had a major operation, in hospital for weeks and not one of our friends offered to have either of the twins for a day, nevermind an hour

So sorry to hear @BoarBrush hope your DH is ok.

It’s not you. Where we are lots of proper go away and lots of families juggle holidays clubs with family care.

and they do not have the bandwidth to incude anyone else except those closest to them.

we have moved since the kids were babies so we don’t have the local NCT mummies or the nursery crew. So at times it can feel lonely.

but teen now has own friends where we are not expected to be friends with the parents. And the littlest is still very much a home bird.

it is hard tho when you don’t have anyone else around to share the burden with. My siblings live miles away.

so I empathise !

we see family at least once every break. And I host DC friends at least once too.

if others do the same it’s a plus but I don’t rely on it!!