We’ve not been invited to anything by anyone all summer. No play dates. Nothing. Anyone else?

[Onionringsforbreakfast]

Got one DD age 7

We’ve not been invited to anything all summer. Nothing. Not one play date. I want to cry.

Have hosted at least 3x play dates and 2x BBQs at our house. I also tried to arrange a get together on the school year group WhatsApp but was met with tumbleweed.

Thankfully DD does various clubs and camps so she does see other kids her age.

I’m sat here wondering what’s wrong with me / us?? Or is this just life in 2025?

I feel awful for my kind, wonderful DD

Also to be honest I quite like having a break from school stuff and just having family time over the summer, endless play dates can feel like a bit of a chore.

People host less and don’t feel the need to reciprocate, and people are busy. We tried to find a Saturday to hang out with friends before the summer and the first weekend we all have free is the middle of September.

People switch off on holidays OP, they don’t just continue as normal

Before the holiday starts ,I message friends and put dates in the calendar. It helps before people get too busy

yes this is what I did

I’ve always found that most people love to be invited and will attend things other people plan willingly, but will rarely reciprocate. I have an only child so it was important for me to host her friends , but where I am, that meant having to run around picking her friends up to bring to mine. Never reciprocated but people always jumped to it when invited.

Sure, but it is still quite conceivable that other dual working households organise their summers differently. Some people do have structured advance plans for most/all of it, between holidays and club childcare to cover work.

Like you, I've done some hosting, but there's not been massive windows of time to do it in when factoring in our availability plus DCs friends. There tends to be more playdate time available in other holidays.

I think also the fact that you've had 9 weeks to fill is in itself exhausting.

If you offer a play date/host a get together then that’s on you. No one should feel obliged to offer the same/similar back in return and I think it’s unfair to expect it.

Hey OP, I’m also a mum to an only DD, same age (7). Also at private school so a longtime off during summer!! One thing I’ve noticed over the past few years is that parents of only children usually have more time and headspace to plan and host things. It’s not just about having the energy to actually organise, it’s having the capacity to think about it in the first place, which lots of parents with 2 or 3 kids simply don’t have. In my experience, they’re always really warm and receptive when you reach out, but they rarely think to reciprocate. As much as I value classmates, I find it’s so important to nurture friendships outside of school too. I really focus on that during the summer holidays, alongside lots of family time, and we usually try to get away for at least a couple of weeks.

Also, sometimes people can be a little strange! There’s one mum from school who’s texted me about a playdate at least five times, but whenever I replied, I’d hear nothing back, just complete silence. Then out of the blue one day she said, ‘oh, that day you said you were free, when can I drop so-and-so off with you?’ Honestly…! Don’t take it personally, just do it for your daughter and don’t worry about invites back x

This isn't unusual - in our case kids were in summer camp when primary age, as friends were often, and kids would usually be tired afterwards, or people were on holiday, so not many playdates. I did organise a few weekend playdates, and there were one or two return invites, but not loads.

Is it distance - or are the away for long breaks in other countires different parts of UK?

I don't think anyone here will know the demographics at your DC school - so can only guess.

You could try asking what people did do over summer to try and gauge what it is - it could be they already know other parents and just want to socialize with them or could be they were seeing no-one as very busy - or just they were happy to see others but not host - days out more neutral could help there.

We've had a few park playdates and tbh none of the kids seemed that enthusiastic about spending time with their school friends. If mine were clamouring for it I'd probably set up more meetups (though playdates at home aren't the norm for my DCs classmates), but they aren't bothered.

This is unfortunately quite typical of you are the parent of an only child, especially if you don’t have much other family. Though accepting play dates without reciprocating is a bit off.

It could be a sibling thing and parents wanting to do stuff with all their DC.

We always host. We have had a party on the last day of term for year 6 dd close friends and parents (all people I’d class as friends too); a few bbqs, an end of summer holiday party, loads of play dates for 5 year old here, 11 year old has had a few sleepovers here.

I learned a long time ago that if I wanted to socialise, I would have to be the one to host and organise. It’s the same with things for the children.

Some people just don’t have the confidence to do it, can’t be arsed, are embarrassed of their home or a whole host of other reasons you’ll never know.

Is this a thing? I have a 7 & 12 year old who have loads of friends and a quite popular in the traditional sense, and I don’t think they’ve really been invited to much. 12 year old has gone to the playground to see friends a few times and both have played out with neighbours. 12 year old had a sleepover at a friend’s. 7 year old hasn’t had a play date here or at anyone else’s though. The most we did was have a BBQ with neighbours one day.

Both did go to paid clubs a bit. Holiday club for youngest and a sports camp for the oldest, so saw friends there. But definitely didn’t intentionally have a meet up with anyone really this summer. That’s pretty normal. People are away or busy with planned activities or most parents I know are working.

You are not alone OP! I was having exactly these thoughts last night but tried to push them to the back of my mind due to all the points that PPs make.

My kids got invited to three different birthday parties, sadly had to turn them all down as it was a week we were away. Don’t take it personally. My youngest had her best friend round once and my eldest has had his best friend round a few times, also met up with him in the park. But that’s easy to arrange as they only live a few minutes walk away. Do you live somewhere easy to get to?

It’s not you or your DD OP.
I felt like this last year when my DD was 5 and had one group play date all summer.
This year I’ve totally leant into it. We did one play date at an event at the park early on, but other than that we’ve just seen family occasionally (including staying with my parents for a week). Have bumped into DD friends out and about at various places.
And that’s the way we’ve wanted it - DD hasn’t asked to see her friends and I vaguely planned stuff for each day (mostly free or low cost) so we were kept busy. And I’ve been off with her for the whole 6 weeks as I work in schools.
I think unless you have a close group of long term friends al living in close proximity and your kids all regularly play together, it’s just how school hols are now. I’ve been v glad of the break from everything ‘school’ tbh!

I've found that alot of our children's friends went away abroad during these summer holidays. We've also been away. So I'm assuming it's eaten up alot of the holidays. There's the prep the week before then the actual holiday, followed by the mountains of clothing to wash and put away. That combined with most kids spending the first week of the holiday, sleeping in and staying up late. These 6 weeks have flown by, especially for us!

Yes same here but tbh it’s what DS7 has asked for I’ve suggested contacting his friends but he said he wants a full school break so I’ve gone with it. It’s been odd this year as we usually have loads of play dates and days out with friends and their kids but tbh DS has been tired from school plus we have had a holiday abroad and various family gatherings so it’s been a very nice change. I think as they get a bit older they sometimes just want some down time.

We’ve not done any play dates over the summer. We’ve gone away a couple of times and dc had some time in clubs. So we’ve either been away or we only have the weekends together.

I can’t be arsed organising stuff for over the summer, everyone is so busy and I’m busy and tired and the lack of normal routine makes it hard to plan. I’m sure from next week you’ll be fighting play date opportunities off with a stick op 😊

Please don’t assume it’s something you’ve done wrong.

We haven’t invited anyone to anything, we haven’t been to anything either. We’re all just burnt out and tired and have enjoyed doing our own thing. Ds aged 13 has autism and when it’s the holidays he doesn’t want to see anyone. (He does chat to his friends online). We’ve had a couple of family holidays and done a lot of days out. None of us like the pressure or social expectations of having to meet up with anyone. I think that’s becoming a lot more common nowadays.

I spend the summer holidays juggling DD between annual leave I can take from work, holiday clubs, relatives and her other parent. I haven’t arranged a single play date (because when I’m off work we do things together) nor has DD been invited to any (because people go away at different times, have their own kids in holiday clubs, etc). Hasn’t crossed my mind to feel bad about it, though I suppose DD would have liked some play dates. I’ll try to arrange some for half term. But a lot of people go away then too.

I wish you were our friend
given up on local child friends, all away, all the time

Hosting might be beyond people budgets though? Summer break is an expensive time anyway , but so many families are having to watch the pennies now