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Original poster

Would he be on probation for this?

59 replies

Downtoyou · 30/08/2025 16:53

I have been seeing a new man for about 2 months, everything has been going well so far, but now there is a red flag. He has told me that he had a 2-year court battle with his ex over custody of their 10 year old daughter. He sees his daughter every other weekend, and when his ex needs him to have her, and has her more over the school holidays. I have not met his daughter.

Last week he received a letter from the HM Prison & Probation Service instructing him to attend a keeping in touch appointment. The letter explained that the appointment was to discuss recent information shared by a third party. He explained that he is still on probation from the court case and is now worried they could stop him seeing his daughter.

Does this sound true?
He says his ex just refused to let him see his daughter and he has spent thousands trying to get her back and won his case. He has been open with me about the letter but I'm just not convinced there isn't more to this. I was under the impression you went on probation after being sentenced for a crime, is that right?

I am thinking about putting in a Claire's Law application, would they share this information?

OP posts:
YetanotherNC25 · 30/08/2025 17:20

Your understanding is correct. You need to apply for a Clare’s Law.

Buscake · 30/08/2025 17:21

YetanotherNC25 · 30/08/2025 17:20

Your understanding is correct. You need to apply for a Clare’s Law.

Seconded.

Keepingthingsinteresting · 30/08/2025 17:25

A custody battle would be a civil case, probation is only relevant if he has been convicted of a criminal offence. Do Clare’s law application asp and ideally don’t see him til you get the results.

Do you have any kids? If so consider making a Sarah’s law application too- just thinking the letter talked about third party disclosures and he is seeing the kid so offence might be something to do with her/other kids.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Family law
VeryStressedMum · 30/08/2025 17:32

He would not be on probation for anything to do with a civil custody case. He would have to had been convicted of a crime.
That it relates to recent information it could be that he’s in a relationship with you.

You are going to apply for a Clare’s Law because of doubts you are having about this man. If were you I would cut my losses and find someone else

NeverAloneNeverAgain · 30/08/2025 17:32

He's not been honest with you. I'm a SW and have done S37 and S7 reports for private law (issues around contact etc) and never had a parent under probation because of that.

The third party disclosure may mean that someone has notified probation hes in a new relationship and if you have DC that might mean there are risks to consider. If you do have DC i would strongly suggest they dont have contact until you have the correct info to make an informed decision on this.

Oh and do a claires law! Just call non emergency number and say you want to request one. They can take some time though.

CynonEileen · 30/08/2025 18:03

As above, he would only have probation for a criminal conviction. There have been recent changes to probation supervision, when certain cohorts are in the final third of their supervision contact is suspended. So he is still subject to a community order/suspended sentence/licence, but does not have to attend regular appointments with probation. Unless there is a change in circumstances or information is received, which seems to be the case here? As others have said a Claire’s Law disclosure seems sensible.

Original poster
Downtoyou · 30/08/2025 18:13

Thank you, I will make that application this evening although I think I will just end it. Would they still make disclosure if we were no longer together? I want to know who this man is!

I have a DD 18, they haven't met.

OP posts:
VeryStressedMum · 30/08/2025 18:44

You’re doing the right thing by ending it. You didn’t know he’s probation, this is something you should know also most importantly what conviction he has got.

He showed you the letter so it sounds like he’s trying to let you know he’s on probation but lying about why. It’s all very dodgy and you have a young daughter to think about. You don’t know this man at all you have known him for only 2 months he could be anyone.

VeryStressedMum · 30/08/2025 18:46

I think your right to know does cover ex partners too

Original poster
Downtoyou · 30/08/2025 21:34

Thank you

OP posts:
EverybodyLTB · 30/08/2025 21:37

Do a Clare’s Law request AND break up. He’s already lied and is in more than one mess in his life. No way that probation applies to custody wrangles. It’s not worth it.

Testerical · 30/08/2025 21:38

Good for you. He’s lied about his past and about a very important issue (that he has significant convictions). Who needs that in their life?

randoname · 30/08/2025 21:38

Run a mile.
2 months? Messy ex situation and now lying about probation.
How come you saw the letter? He’s not moved in and post is going to your house?!

Hollietree · 30/08/2025 22:26

I’m pretty certain you can’t be on probation unless you have previously been convicted of breaking the law.

You can’t be on probation purely due to a court battle over custody of a child.

He is 100% lying to you.

Pieandchips999 · 30/08/2025 22:44

I don't think you can get a Claire's Law disclosure if you're not together anymore. I don't know if you need it though I think the information you have is enough to run for the hills. As everyone says you get probation for a crime. My guess is that it's likely domestic abuse related and the domestic abuse is also the reason for the court case. In the time the case has been going on he could have done work about domestic abuse and convinced the court he had changed. The fact that he's trying to manipulate you suggests that there are still concerns. Plus it's not a situation most people would wear to be in full stop

TokyoSushi · 30/08/2025 22:50

After 2 months, I honestly wouldn’t get any further involved with this, break up with him as quickly & safely as you can.

Theuntamed · 30/08/2025 22:50

Pieandchips999 · 30/08/2025 22:44

I don't think you can get a Claire's Law disclosure if you're not together anymore. I don't know if you need it though I think the information you have is enough to run for the hills. As everyone says you get probation for a crime. My guess is that it's likely domestic abuse related and the domestic abuse is also the reason for the court case. In the time the case has been going on he could have done work about domestic abuse and convinced the court he had changed. The fact that he's trying to manipulate you suggests that there are still concerns. Plus it's not a situation most people would wear to be in full stop

You have the right to ask about current and previous partners, can do a Clare’s Law on either.

Original poster
Downtoyou · 30/08/2025 23:16

randoname · 30/08/2025 21:38

Run a mile.
2 months? Messy ex situation and now lying about probation.
How come you saw the letter? He’s not moved in and post is going to your house?!

He sent me a photo of the letter wondering what a third party could have reported.

I have ended it with him tonight over the phone. I have since had to block him as he turned really nasty with name calling and telling me I had wasted his time.

OP posts:
randoname · 30/08/2025 23:29

Downtoyou · 30/08/2025 23:16

He sent me a photo of the letter wondering what a third party could have reported.

I have ended it with him tonight over the phone. I have since had to block him as he turned really nasty with name calling and telling me I had wasted his time.

Show quote history

Oh I’m sorry! He’s reaction shows you were right. Good for you for recognising the red flags.
Take care Flowers

Pieandchips999 · 30/08/2025 23:38

Sorry to hear this bit it just shows how right you were. He was trying to drop feed stuff to you. @Theuntamed there's certainly no harm in asking. Professionally I've experienced police say not to sharing where there's no ongoing contact but I know different forces take different approaches. It's frustrating when the information doesn't get shared

FloofyKat · 30/08/2025 23:49

His nasty reaction tells you all you need to know. Well done on taking swift action!

FictionalCharacter · 31/08/2025 00:11

Downtoyou · 30/08/2025 23:16

He sent me a photo of the letter wondering what a third party could have reported.

I have ended it with him tonight over the phone. I have since had to block him as he turned really nasty with name calling and telling me I had wasted his time.

Show quote history

Sounds as though he thinks you might have been the person who reported something and was thinking that therefore you would be to blame if he was prevented from seeing his daughter. Please be careful.

coxesorangepippin · 31/08/2025 03:01

Does he think you're the third party or what

coxesorangepippin · 31/08/2025 03:01

Good riddance eh op

Walkden · 31/08/2025 03:17

"Does this sound true?"

Best case I he breached non molestation order during the divorce custody battle. As others have said use Clare's law request

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