I can't believe it - 34w pregnant and just got kicked out of the house by DH

[WhatAmIsupposeToDoNow]

I am really not sure where to start. I am 34w pregnant with a vet much desired baby. Had to go to hospital today due to some health issues (took my laptop so I can continue working as anticipated long wait time). My DH was away for the last few days. And got back home around 6. I was still in hospital at this time. He was drunk and seems he was drinking for the last few days. All of a sudden got really angry at me and started sending abusive messages. I just ignored it. Got back home and he started shouting at me and telling me to get out of the house. And also told me he doesn't want the baby and never wanted it. Obviously I left the house so currently at a local hotel (with no toothbrush change of clothes etc) at least I have a charger from the car but that's it.

It seems like he had some sort of alcohol caused psychosis. He had similar thing happen in the past during very stressful period but that was a while back.

We talked few days ago and he confirmed he finds it stressful with baby's birth approaching but it's not an excuse.

What do I do now? I don't have any family I can go to. Most of the baby stuff is bought and in the house. House is under his name so as a short term solution I need to find temporary accomodation. And plan C-section on my own. I am not roos ure where do I start. Moving a house at 34weeks pregnant is far from ideal. I'm sure he will be apologetic tomorrow but the whole situation just doesn't fit into my head, I don't understand what has happened tonight.

What are my next steps? (I can financially support myself but I don't have anyone I can go for any sort of support, it's just me and now my unborn baby)

Go back then lock him out the house you need it more than him

So sorry this has happened to you, how stressful at this point in your pregnancy. It’s unforgivable.

When I was a child , I remember my aunt being literally thrown out of her house by her pig of a husband on Christmas Day when she was heavily pregnant (baby was born in early Jan). She stayed with us for a while, then went back to him and everyone in the wider family seemed to forgive and forget. I never did and bore a grudge against him until he died some 30 years later.

@MimiGC - I think forgiving and forgetting something like that shouldn't come easily.

Just had a good cry. Mum was texting me how I was. She's abroad and has never come to visit me in the last 15 years. What's the point of me telling her anything. Just another stress having to deal with her on top of everything else. Was holding myself well together but her text just made me loose it.

I think I will go get some nice takeaway and spend sometime afterwards coming up with bit more concrete plan how to get through this.

@WhatAmIsupposeToDoNow what country are you in at the moment and what country is your family in? can you reach your family without flying? eg driving, bus or car>> I would suggest you go to your mum's house/

@allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld - I am in UK and parents back in my home country. I don't think I would manage to drive on my own to be honest. It's quite a long way. Plus my work is here, all my medical care, and quite frankly I would rather sort things out on my own here then try to deal with my parents on top of everything else.

If you are married, the home belongs to both of you equally. I would file for an occupancy order with the court as you need a home for the baby and he can’t just kick you out. His behaviour is abusive and he shouldn’t be allowed to remain in the home as it places you and the baby at risk.

Then file for divorce and when the house sells, you’ll hopefully have enough to set up somewhere new on your own.

@ThisCyanPoet - this actually a really good tool to use and would certainly cover what I need at the moment. Thank you, very useful

I am so sorry that this is happening to you .
Do you have any other family.
Are you able to tell us roughly where you are so that we could all help ?
I think there would be people here midwives , nurses , even a doula , I am a nursery nurse , someone will be able to help you .

There is no excuse for his behaviour.
Life stressors ?? Like what having a baby ?
Sorry no excuse at all and he will just behave the same at every perceived life stressor.

Call womens aid or your local womens shelter.

Others have given good advice he needs to move out not you. Get that sorted.

Separately worth checking if your employer has any mental health schemes. We have one called Lyra which is free

You should also tell your midwife so you can get support via that route.

Also remember to file for CMS as soon as baby is born.

He knows he reacts to stress like this because hes fone it before, it is reasonable to expect the same reaction so he should have sought help to overcome it and develop a better non abusive coping strategy but I suppose he doesn't care and thinks it's fine to abuse his pregnant wife.

I would go to the police and ask for their help and advice about getting back into the house and having him removed.

You have occupation rights. As his spouse. He can’t just throw you out.

Obviously that’s if limited help right now. If hems going to be apologetic that will buy you time. But I would be planning to leave 💐

You need to call the police on him otherwise it’ll be more difficult to exercise your right to have the baby in your home with him out of it. You need a paper trail of his abuse. Ring women’s aid, this won’t get better. Please don’t go back there alone!

@WhatAmIsupposeToDoNow is it a driveable distance? which country is it? my daughter and myself have driven all over europe and none of the countried take too long. it actually might be a lot easier in the long run to get a job out there wherever there is than staying her with him in close proximity to you and the baby for the future. there are often dog transporters going back and forward to europe with room in their vans for another person.

Get through this by calling the police.

You need to get this recorded as soon as possible.

The police will signpost you to agencies who can help.
Women's Aid need to be called too - 0808 2000 247.

As soon as you can, please contact your midwife and tell her everything. She will also be able to provide an immediate practical response and will document what has happened.

It is extremely important to get the incident documented.
Even though you're understandably in shock right now and focusing on the minute to minute details of survival, you need to force yourself to start reaching out for help and to trust people whose job it is to help you to do exactly that.
You are married, so you both have equal rights to the marital home. However, since you are the pregnant spouse who will soon be a mother, your housing needs take priority over his, especially in the context of horrific abuse such as he has inflicted on you amd the unborn baby. You can get an Occupation/ Residency order from the courts stating who can stay in the house and who cannot. You can also get a non molestation order ordering your despicable H to stay away from you and not to make contact.

You are used to feeling no support at all from your mother, but you need to start believing that not everyone you reach out to will behave like her. You are holed up in a kind of a cave, but you have to crawl out and summon help.

So he finally said few words and got out of bedroom. So he blamed me how I don't love him and show any physical affection lately. How I am nagging him like his mum used to do. Basically tactics to distract from his own shitty behavior. And his own shame.

I do agree I am building resentment towards him but that's due to his drinking habits that are getting worse.

Speaking with couple of family solicitor companies tomorrow.

Oh and of course, how he will get no attention with the baby coming along.

I agree I can be cold when things get tough. My mum used me as her emotional support from my very early days (it wasn't her intention but that's what I ended up doing and always prioritized her well-being instead of my own, too much responsibility for a child) so I have this behavior as my coping mechanism so I don't get hurt.

What a big baby he is

I obviously love him but I rather live my life on my own (can't be bothered with men anymore, had enough by now) than having his BS constantly to deal with.

I did enjoy him being locked up in bedroom last few days. I did whatever I wanted and didn't have to worry about if and how much he's going to drink. I put up with it for so long, but I'm too old now to do this again if he can't sort himself out.

He sounds like me ex.. leave now... id even lie the child is not his and get well clear. He is an addict and will destroy you. I have endured years of that with my DC. Once DC were born I needed to stay as the thought of ex having them alone and drinking ( then drug taking) was something I wasnt going to risk. It has taken years to get out and 3 more to get better. Don't do this to yourself and certainly not to your child.

@GreyCloudsAbove - I grew up like that. My dad was certainly nice to me and my brother and he's at a much better place now but the hell we had to go through as children was horrendous. I don't blame my parents for it now but obviously not going to make the same mistakes myself

If you are going into the hospital I would speak to the safeguarding team they can put you in touch with
A Hospital IDVA (HIDVA) is an IDVA that works in a hospital setting. An IDVA is an Independent Domestic Violence Advocate. Their main job is to support people experiencing domestic abuse- whether that's helping them get to safety, getting them mental health support or helping them keep their children and family safe.

Hé sounds like a waste of oxygen.

Seek some help from whoever you can - you need to be safe to give birth and support your newborn in peace.

Yes, please do this, they can definitely help you.