I can't believe it - 34w pregnant and just got kicked out of the house by DH

[WhatAmIsupposeToDoNow]

I am really not sure where to start. I am 34w pregnant with a vet much desired baby. Had to go to hospital today due to some health issues (took my laptop so I can continue working as anticipated long wait time). My DH was away for the last few days. And got back home around 6. I was still in hospital at this time. He was drunk and seems he was drinking for the last few days. All of a sudden got really angry at me and started sending abusive messages. I just ignored it. Got back home and he started shouting at me and telling me to get out of the house. And also told me he doesn't want the baby and never wanted it. Obviously I left the house so currently at a local hotel (with no toothbrush change of clothes etc) at least I have a charger from the car but that's it.

It seems like he had some sort of alcohol caused psychosis. He had similar thing happen in the past during very stressful period but that was a while back.

We talked few days ago and he confirmed he finds it stressful with baby's birth approaching but it's not an excuse.

What do I do now? I don't have any family I can go to. Most of the baby stuff is bought and in the house. House is under his name so as a short term solution I need to find temporary accomodation. And plan C-section on my own. I am not roos ure where do I start. Moving a house at 34weeks pregnant is far from ideal. I'm sure he will be apologetic tomorrow but the whole situation just doesn't fit into my head, I don't understand what has happened tonight.

What are my next steps? (I can financially support myself but I don't have anyone I can go for any sort of support, it's just me and now my unborn baby)

I’m sorry OP how stressful. Are you married? If so it doesn’t really matter that the house is in his name, it’s the marital home and it doesn’t make sense to try and leave while heavily pregnant. Do you have any friends who can help you in the short term?

Married?

House is a joint asset.

If you have funds, book yourself a place to stay. Ring a domestic violence helpline for immediate advice. Get some basic toiletries & some food.

Others will along with better advice but keep yourself safe. ❤️

You are married and heavily pregnant, it’s your home.

you say financially you are fine, can you afford a doula?

You’re married. He can’t ’put you out’ of the marital home if you are living in certain countries.

I think you should telephone the police and have him ‘put out’ and taken to hospital, frankly, under police supervision.

So sorry to hear this. You need calm at this stage not all this stress.
Even if he is sorry I personally wouldn't risk staying with him . You dont know if he will have these drunk episodes when the baby is born . He doesnt sound safe for you or a baby to be around.

Husband or partner? That’s going to be the key difference here.

Just how much is he drinking OP? My brother (who was normally the sweetest and most gentle man but did drink too much, too often) became very violent and abusive once when he had some complex and serious health issues that prevented his body from properly processing toxins. The build up caused him to behave completely out of character.

Or he's potentially just a dick but worth making sure his health is ok if this and the one other incident are very out of character for him.

married or not? that is the most important thing to establish

married = your house too, separate and sell it

not married = you are alittle more screwed and should not have left yourself to vulnerable (sorry but true)! so now you need to sort out a rent/family/sofa

Thank you for all your responses. Just covering all main questions quickly:

We are married
I could afford some sort of paid help for few hours few days a week
I don't have anyone to help me whatsoever. Literally on my own

I suppose I can't quite comprehend how I could possibly find new home and move my and baby stuff completely on my own in time for birth.

@PuppiesProzacProsecco - I think it caused by alcohol consumption which is caused by him being stressed by upcoming changes. It was very similar circumstances (life changing wise) when it happened in the past

@WhatAmIsupposeToDoNow phone the police. in your condition it is most likely they will put him out and allow you to stay!

Get legal advice OP and tell them about the alcohol use.

What a cunt he is please tell me you are not going back to him

This has happened in the past, he knows this has happened in the past, yet he has chosen to drink to that degree again when you're 34 weeks pregnant, knowing this would be likely.

He can maybe blame the drink for the abuse, but he made the choice to drink whilst sober.

Call or email women's aid, they will be able to help you.

So sorry you're going through this op.

It does sound as though he may need medical help if this is out of character so second calling either police or 111 mental health triage.
Ideally he will be admitted and you can go home, even if temporarily.

I agree, contact the police. At the very least, they may escort you to the house to gather your belongings and the baby's things. Make a list of things like passport, marriage certificate, financial statements and account details, that you will want to take with you.

You both have right to be in the house - unless one of them is threatening the other with abuse. Ring domestic abuse line now and ring police to report. After all if he's in so much of a state he could hurt himself.

Life-changing? More for you than him surely. This is crap behaviour. If he.knows alcohol is an issue for him.he should not drink it. You didn't say he was an alcoholic, i presume he isn't. I.hope you get some rest tonight and are soon home by yourself in.peace.

This is unforgivable. Has he got family? I would be making a call to his mother letting her know what he did and ask her to take him home with her or you are involving police. It’s the marital home and he can’t kick his pregnant wife out like that. He is a disgusting excuse for a man

Well done for getting yourself somewhere safe for the night. The hotel might have toothbrush etc available at reception. You can pick up new clothes if needed tomorrow.

Do you have any friends or even work colleagues who can help? Even if to just accompany you when you go and collect things you need. Most people will want to help and you might have more support than you know.

Regardless of the house being in his name it is the marital home. Once he has calmed down do you think he would move out? To at least give you the time to sort out somewhere else.

Have a cuppa now, a bath (if there is one and you like them) and try to get a good nights sleep.

Ok. So tomorrow, you go to the police. It’s your home. You tell them he has verbally abused you and locked you out.

you then take the advice re domestic abuse. And you follow it. Step by step. And minute by/minute. And day by day.

domestic abuse escalation in pregnancy, you are not alone.

you are not alone. Repeat that to yourself. You are safe tonight. Tomorrow you will be safe and get your things. Or he will be removed.

Can you tell us like which city/county you are in so people on here can help or give you numbers of local places that could help? Not sure if that is allowed or don't worry if you don't want to share.

Id say speak to your midwife but I know it'd be out of their working hours right now. Have you got a number for the maternity ward as they may be able to assist or else follow other people's advice and call women's aid?

I feel for you op - this is the worst time for this to happen and just think you need to let people or someone know. Any support system right now us better than none.

I wish you all the best x

Edited to say don't worry about post birth tight now eg moving and finding a place. Right now you need to focus on the health of you and your baby right now.

Also you said you are alone but what does that mean? Friends and family are too far or you are not in contact or on good terms? Even if they are a distance away call them and get them for support.

Have you got no family at all or are you estranged? Because assuming you’re not estranged, you need to ask. Wherever they are in the world they should come and support you.

So sorry this is happening.

Youve had great advice about calling women’s aid, the police, your midwife etc. if add tell work.

But to add, this has happened before and he’s chosen to deal with the stress of pregnancy by drinking to the level this has happened again. This means you know you can’t raise a child with him, babies are stressful and you can’t risk exposing a child to this. It’s shit it’s happening now, but at least you’ve got a month or so to sort yourself out.

Read some of the threads on here from women whose adult children have turned on her because she allowed an abusive husband to stay in their lives, and the abuse was normalised. This is your chance to leave and find a better life for your child. His actions aren't going to improve. Do you want your child to witness this?