14 year old taking testosterone behind my back

[ChosenIdeal]

Sorry if this is all over the place, I'm exhausted and rush posting, was going to post in LGBT children but unsure how much traffic it gets

I'm a single mum to 2 DC, boy/girl twins. They're 14 and turning 15 in a couple days. Growing up DD was very much a tomboy, liked all the traditional boy things and DS would be more sensitive and feminine. They’d often wear each others clothes day to day and i embraced it and let them wear and play with whatever they wanted.

When DD was 10, she started saying she hated being a girl, she was a boy and wanted to be called Jacob. She was insistent for 2 years she was a boy not a girl, then she came out officially as trans and demanded me call her that name and he/him, wanted DS to call her his brother which he does. Since then her behaviours changed completely, she's rude and snappy, said she hates me and I'm transphobic. I've tried to compromise with a nickname as she hates her birth name but nope. She's been self harming and restricting her eating because that stops periods. She started refusing to go to school so I've been HE her as there was no other options. She's told me she's suicidal, ive allowed her to wear whatever and have her hair however she wants. Hangs around with older boys (16) that live nearby that are trouble. I've tried getting CAMHS involved but nothing

Around the time she came out as trans, DS came out as gay and of course I was supportive but she now says I prefer him over her, I accept him but not her etc

Their dad was abusive towards me and doesn't have much of a relationship with them as in he doesn't see them, he over compensates with money and presents and undermining me, he lives 5 hours away (he moved).

I've taken them away for the week for their birthdays, a small break at the seaside. dd has been stroppy and angry the whole trip saying she didn't want to come she hates me, she can't wait to be 18. I found out earlier she's been taking testosterone gel she bought online, her dad gave her the money although I don't think she said what it was for, he does give them quite a bit each month allowance way more than I could afford. She's apparently been on it a month and so far her voice has changed slightly but not enough I've noticed.

I've taken it and she hit me, said she wants to live with her dad or anywhere but me. I don't want to ruin the trip for DS or his birthday so I'm thinking of giving it back to her til were home but I don't know

argh!

More misinformation. Nearly all children given blockers go on to opposite sex hormones, which are revive and dangerous. Blockers are a gateway drug to hormones, and are not clearly for this usage.

Please report all posts that are dangerous misinformation. I have done so and so far they are looking at one and immediately deleted another.

Why do you think you know more information than everyone? and anyone who doesn't agree with you is spreading "misinformation".

Hey @ChosenIdeal , you can get more feedback on reddit from other parents with trans kids on r/cisparenttranskid

I don’t know more than anyone. But I do know more than you. Because I’ve got 10 years of paying very close attention to this topic under my belt.

You’ve had multiple posts on this thread deleted so clearly MN aren’t too impressed with your input either.

Well fortunately we know that the puberty blocker curb hasn't led to a suicide rise so please don't believe the hyperbole that if you don't affirm everything she says/wants she's almost certainly going to commit suicide.

Testosterone can cause depression and mood changes so it's almost certainly not going to be helping with her mental health. I wouldn't be giving it back in a million years OP, why would anyone not take away illegally bought drugs? You'd have to be completely insane to think it would be better if she had them.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c9x8j5p0992o

The NHS has changed its information on this. You are completely wrong. You ought not to be spreading information that is factually incorrect to a vulnerable group of people.

Excellent, use it to back up your claim that puberty blockers are reversible. As in 100% harmless with 0 lasting damage or effects.

How it works is that when they find out really young they can be put on puberty blockers. If they wish to proceed, they can take hormones later it is up to them. If they don't want to proceed, they can just stop the blockers.

Rubbish. Your brain has a window to go through puberty, just as it does to learn speech. And puberty isn't just needed to develop an adult body, crucially it's to develop a functioning adult brain.
And that's before you get into the vast damage they cause, like lowering IQ.

The founder of Mermaids notoriously took her then 15 old son to Thailand to have his penis removed on his 16th birthday. Anyone who thinks that’s good parenting is deluded. Mermaids was under investigation by the Charity Commission. They didn’t come out of it well.
https://www.gov.uk/government/news/poor-governance-at-mermaids-amounted-to-mismanagement-inquiry-reveals
One of its trustees had to resign due to his links with paedophiles.

Susie Green wasn’t actually the founder of Mermaids, but when she took over as CEO it went from watchful waiting to full on affirmation and then lobbying.

She should be in prison, in my opinion.

They have nothing to compare it to - not going through puberty will fuck them up physically and mentally (the brain matures through puberty just as much as the body does).

As children, of course we don't want the scary thing to happen. Just like there's lots of other things that are good for us that we don't want to do - the adults around us are there to try to stop us damaging ourselves until we've matured.

I can think of lots of things I did as a child/teen which were outstandingly foolish and dangerous and I wouldn't do now, because back then I only thought about what was right in front of me, what I felt right now and wasn't very good at evaluating the risks.