Hyped-up activities that are actually shite.

[DarkestBerty]

Loads of my friends do yoga. It's really relaxing, they say. It's really mindful, they say. It's a good workout without realising you're working out, they say. It's a really nice community of people, they say.

So on Saturday morning I tried it.

It was bloody awful. Everything about it was bloody terrible. It wasn't remotely relaxing or mindful. I wasn't a very good workout and the people were cult-loke lunatics.

And I've felt a bit lightheaded, dizzy, and just not quite myself ever since.

Tell me about activities that everyone seems to have a wide-on for, but which you hated.

@Shuddabeenabloke , damn… I’ve just signed up for my first ever Zumba class and I’m pretty sure my experience is going to be like yours! I am not the co-ordinated type and will definitely be hiding up the back. But I’m still going to give it a try anyway… what do I have to lose other than an hour of my life and my dignity? 🤣

Massages
Christmas
Going clothes shopping

Indoor skydiving was a huge disappointment.

It costs a bomb and you are basically stuck in a tube being blasted with air for a couple of minutes whilst everyone else is watching you trying to stay straight. They force you to do a thumbs up for the camera to show what a great time you are having even though you just want it to stop.

It has none of the adrenaline rush and thrill of a real skydive (I imagine).

I cant do yoga or any class where you have to pay conscious attention to your breathing . The minute I begin thinking about it I start holding my breath or hyperventilating. Massage, any massage, including head massage gives me the most horrible feeling, I hate being stroked or patted and tense up until its over. I was once given a voucher for a massage, thought I would give it a try (not realising how much I hate massage) and it was like a war of attrition: the more she felt me tense, the more she tried to massage the tension out of my shoulders and neck, I dont know which of us was more tooth-grindingly wound up by the end of the session.

So, that brings us to the worst scenario - NCT birth preparation classes where you are coached in breathing techniques, and your partner encouraged to support you with physical contact and massage...

yoga. Even worse when made to pair up with a total stranger. All that messing about with little blocks or watching the instructor mess about with blocks.
Then all the meditation at the end. And weird yoja voice:)

Baby showers
Gender reveals
Legoland
Staff events
Christmas
Camping

Bowling is the worst - always an expensive and noisy hour.
Liking prosecco and gin as personality markers.
Boxes - christmas eve, 1 December, easter, back to school, etc etc.
Disney pyjamas for adults.

I love yoga, running, therapy and afternoon tea though.

Eating out, generally disappointing and when the bill comes - its usually extortionate

Christmas, a time to make busy mothers a million times more busy

Live concerts - I dont mind seeing smaller good bands in a pub etc. But huge stadiums where you are squished, 14 miles away from the stage......

Work socials, I go to work to work, I do have lovely friends and prefer to go out with them rather than Jessica who is obsessed with promotion, Dave with dodgy BO and my boss who I cant be completely relaxed with.

I LOVE being on a beach though, I find it calming and is just my happy place.

Camping
Christmas
Cheap Prosecco

Pilates. Lift your arms over your head really slowly for zn hour while I charge you £20 for doing so.
No. I like bootcamp where you end up dripping in sweat and mud and know you have worked out. But I do love yoga. It's a really good workout if you get the right class.

Never done it, but never understood it: AI holidays in hotel resorts in places like Egypt or Tunisia or Goa. Go to an amazing country. Ignore it and instead lounge on a plastic deckchair and eat and drink too much then get sick. Why?

Park Run.I run to get away from people, so it really isn't for me.

Christmas Markets

Socialising with colleagues.

The obligatory quarterly "cake celebrations" that our nutcake boss instituted from last year to celebrate people's birthdays from the last quarter - that we are all expected to contribute to. And where we are expected to gurn and gush and grin for 30 minutes that we could be actually working and pose for photos "for the album".

Other classics they've tried, that were thankfully voted down, include "dress down Friday". I wouldn't mind if they were good at their job but these are all nonsensical distractions and straight out of the early 21st century team building manual that doesn't seem to include anything about mucking in and actually being a genuine team player. Or even actually doing their own job.

This baffles me too. Those women who put on a tee shirt and jeans then frown and wag their finger at the camera. They add a belt, a jacket and bag then toss their hair and smile at the wisdom they've imparted. I feel like saying, look pet, my mum has been on at me to take a coat snd not forget my bag since primary school. It's not groundbreaking sartorial advice.

Oh Hod yes Tai Chi. Always taught by a really uptight man with zero social skills who gets barely suppressed anger if anyone talks or stretches or does anything other than the glacially slow, dull, repetitive move planned for that day's class. They always say they spent two years or four years in Cina learning the entire sequence and I think, mate you were played. Let's not pretend it is other than bending and stretching and balancing like every other form of gentle exercise in the world.

The Theatre. Buttock clenchingly dreadful.

I generally ignore it. I buy one present and that is that.

I realise that if you have children it is a different situation.

Oh God yes, Wales. Rain. Sullen shopkeepers. Rain. Damp overpriced cottages. Rain.

Ice-skating was really awful for me. It was really crowded, people were going round much too fast, if anyone fell over everyone turned round to laugh at them 😳 I had to cling to the edge as it was so slippery and part of the rink was cordoned off so I had to somehow make it across without falling in my arse 😂

Do they mean where you go to a field full of ready-picked pumpkins, and choose one (or 2,3,4) to take home - and pay at least double what you’d have paid in Asda?

Are proper grown up adults supposed to enjoy it? I’d have thought they just pretend to, for the sake of the dcs/Gdcs they’ve taken along.

I walk past a gym everyday when there is a class where the music is so loud (stuff from 70s) that the teacher has to shout over the music. It is for older ladies and they are doing some form of dance routine. It would do my head in. I am so grateful I can just walk in peace and quiet each day in our local park for my daily exercise watching the trees and listening to the birds.

Is it Zumba?

Don't get me started on the park run. We have a group that do it around our park every Saturday and as I get to the end of my walk (not park run) there is this rather pious looking teenager who welcomes everyone back saying 'Well done, well done'. I would be mortified if at my age, after my life, a teenager congratulated me on running. Never!

Christmas

She sounds like a weirdo for the phone call, but teachers will tell you to take your socks off if you turn up in them, for good reason: they can easily slip on the mat and you could be badly hurt.

I mean as a Canadian this makes me laugh. It's slippery cause it's.....ice? And you're meant to skate on it not walk around on it. I mean some of the ice rinks have a little bit of an "artificial fun" feeling to them, but I never forget going with an ex-boyfriend who was British and who was genuinely surprised that the ice was slippery and you couldn't just "walk" along with your skates on. Skating is a skill, you don't pick it up in three minutes at a Christmas fair rink. It's fun though when you learn.