The childcare debate

[ClawsandEffect]

I'm the grandparent in this equation. I do about 30 hours a week of childcare, including some overnights. I adore my DGC and don't want to stop doing it. But I also work full-time (WFH) and am exhausted.

Edited to say, I didn't have this support when I was the parent. And as a feminist I think it's essential DGC's mother works.

It’s the great grandparent revolt – and it shows we parents aren’t the only ones burnt out by family life | Rhiannon Lucy Cosslett | The Guardian

What’s your debate?

The problem is people can’t afford childcare.

Why is it all on you though? Working full time and then 30 hours childcare is too much and I can't believe you've raised a dd who thinks this is OK.

If you have grandparent support you are very lucky. We do and count our blessing every day for the 2 days they offer per week. It’s saved us a lot and given us peace of mind our DC are safe and loved. I hope to be in a position to do the same if our children ever have children themselves, i hope.
We try our best to not ask for any other favours but my parents are amazing and lovely and often offer. Our children love them and have a strong relationship

30 hours of childcare plus working full time as a grandparent is far too much. I can appreciate you are exhausted.

Why has this situation arisen? You need to cut it back to something sustainable - you can help out without providing the majority of your grandchildren’s childcare.

And - from next week they will presumably be entitled to 30 hours + tax free childcare, so the cost of paid childcare should reduce dramatically for your children?

Not the OPs problem though is it?

Working parents get 30 hours of childcare now, the invoices I send out to parents are tiny.

I can't afford lots of things, doesnt mean I demand my parents take care of it for me.

You're doing far too much.

30 hours a week with no full time work on top would be far too much. This is crazy! Why have you agreed to this?

Your son/daughter needs to pay for childcare. You don’t have the time or energy to parent them more than they do!!

You can still see them but you don’t need to do so much…

So say no then. Nobody's forcing you to do it.

When are you doing this on top of a full time job? That sounds far too much.

This is ridiculous, you work f/t & do 30 hrs of childcare on top?!

My parents were retired & I was very grateful for 1 day a week!

It is completely unreasonable for you to work full time and provide 30 hours of childcare. Did you offer or did they ask? Communication should have been much better here!

Are they claiming any of the partially funded hours?

Somewhere in the system, it needs to be recognised that if both parents have to work full-time to support the family, that there needs to be adequate childcare provision.

For me, my care is made up of before and after school and some weekends to encompass DC's working hours. It's me or a childminder because the schools wraparound doesn't wrap around. And there are few childminders that work weekends. I'd rather it was me.

I changed my working life to be able to do it for my only DGC. I don't resent it BUT the raised pension age means I also need to work full-time which I do from home, at times while DGC is here (I'm partially employed, partially self employed). Hence the exhaustion.

The debate really is why the whole system requires both parents to work full-time, while childcare is so hard to find and also so expensive. Including what parents are supposed to do in the school hols when even play schemes aren't full-time.

Somewhere the system ought to be altered to encompass families. Either earlier pensions (so grandparents can do it properly), or a legal requirement for schools to offer proper wrap around care (to accommodate full-time working parents) AND holiday care, or government holiday programmes for working parents of school aged children (such as in Finland).

No. But it's my DGC that I care very much about and it's a difficult situation. I'm not complaining about doing it. Just commenting on the current situation of a lack of adequate childcare and the need for GP to step into the breach.

And as a feminist I think it's essential DGC's mother works.

As a feminist, you think it's essential she works by another woman giving her unpaid childcare around a full-time job?

What did they do before the dc were in school?

Is your child a single parent? Most parents either pay for some sort of childcare or work around each other.

The debate really is why the whole system requires both parents to work full-time, while childcare is so hard to find and also so expensive. Including what parents are supposed to do in the school hols when even play schemes aren't full-time.

That's largely due to housing costs.

Childcare is expensive but again most parents muddle through the holidays.

I mean birth rates are dropping & some of it is the expense.

She wants to work and in order to be able to do it she needs flexible childcare. Yes. I think it's essential for her to work for her own financial security.

Ideally, there would be other childcare options, but where we live, other than a before and after school childminder AND someone available over night and weekends, there is nothing.

If you have a workable suggestion for a professional NHS worker who has to work shifts, please feel free to suggest it. But otherwise you're just being nasty for the sake of it. It's the system that's wrong, with no state provided childcare, not the parents who are trying to work or the families picking up the slack.

I'm too far away from my DGC to care for them regularly but when they were in nursery I paid towards the fees. I felt bad because my own Mum had cared for my DC 2 days a week so I could work.

Lots of grandparents, including my own parents, do a lot of childcare, but they are usually retired. 30 hrs childcare + a FT job is unsustainable.

Are you being paid?

Ideally, there would be other childcare options, but where we live, other than a before and after school childminder AND someone available over night and weekends, there is nothing.

The vast majority of parents don't need childcare that covers before & after school, overnights & weekends though. And the majority of parents who need that tend to have the funds for a nanny.

Obviously it's very tough for single parents in demanding jobs.

The financial help was a bonus though. My situation was yours in reverse. I lived too far from family for help, although my mum couldn't have done it because she hadn't retired when my DC was young. Whereas I was lucky enough to be able to shift my life around to encompass the care. It's certainly resulted in a lovely relationship with my DGC which is a joy.

Or they have left nursing, emergency services social work etc as the childcare isn't available for them to do their jobs.

I'd wager that the only NHS staff who can afford nannies are consultants who actually usually don't have to work nights or weekends. And there are many many lower paid NHS staff that have children that have to work nights and weekends. As well as police and other emergency service workers.