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Original poster

Sad about children growing up

58 replies

HiffHaffHuff · 24/08/2025 15:19

Mine are only 8 and 10, I've been a single mum ( fled dv no contact via court order ) since my youngest was 8 months old, it's always just been us.

My eldest is going to be in year 6 when they go back and I'm just so sad about it. Time has gone so quickly? It's going to get to a point soon where neither will want to cuddle me all the time won't it 😭 their going to be out with their friends all the time, their going to have a part of their life that I'm not part of at all, one day they will move out and I won't get to see them everyday

And I know it's all normal and that's the way it's supposed to be. But it makes me so sad. I wish we could just stay as we are, I wish I didn't have to let them go

I have friends, hobbies, I volenteer with SEN children once a week, I have pets who love me..... like I'm prepared for when they do have to grow up I've got stuff to fill my time.... but at the same time it just makes me really really sad

My first baby did pass away shortly after he was born which I think has contributed to the way I feel and I am autistic/adhd so I know it all probably contributes..... yet I can still never get rid of this feeling deep inside me that one day all of this will be gone and I'll only have the memories

It's really affecting me lately I can't stop crying about it

OP posts:
RattyMcBatty · 24/08/2025 15:34

I feel the same. My child will be going to uni next year. I feel redundant, alone, left on the shelf, as though there is nothing left for me.

It's as though you build up all your life to having your child(ren), then spend 18 years doing your absolute best for them and with them, and then they're gone, and you're just. .. left.

I literally do not know what I'm going to do. Except I will have to keep working to support them through uni, so actually I'll just be left in my boring shitty job (which I took because it fitted with school for them) coming home to not much really. 😥

SevenSecondsAgo · 24/08/2025 15:37

When my eldest was still a baby, some friends were discussing what age they had enjoyed the most with their own children, who were much older than mine. One woman said "Whatever age they are right now, that's the best age." I've tried to remind myself of that regularly as my own kids grew up. There will always be things you miss as they grow, but there will also be new things to enjoy and love.

Ineedpeaceandquiet · 24/08/2025 15:39

Yes - it is the end of one stage but there are more to come and you can be there to guide and nurture them.

Gently, your kids should be part of your life not your whole life; the the ultimate aim to raise into independent, happy people.

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Families
Octavia64 · 24/08/2025 15:39

Mine grew up and I got cats. Lots of lovely fluffy cuddles.

Sturtium · 24/08/2025 15:41

Yes, it’s so weird and unsettling when they stop being all cuddly, and sit next to you instead of draped over you. I’d love to go back in time and have a bit more time with them when they were little.

Cephalaria · 24/08/2025 15:48

SevenSecondsAgo · 24/08/2025 15:37

When my eldest was still a baby, some friends were discussing what age they had enjoyed the most with their own children, who were much older than mine. One woman said "Whatever age they are right now, that's the best age." I've tried to remind myself of that regularly as my own kids grew up. There will always be things you miss as they grow, but there will also be new things to enjoy and love.

Very true.
This is quite normal. I felt a bit like that at every stage.
Moving the cot into another room.
Starting nursery.
Starting school.
Leaving primary.
Starting uni.
Leaving home.
The saddest part was starting uni but even then it's not the end, they bounce back and forth for years.
Mine are now adults and we have a great relationship. Quite excited ATM as youngest is buying a house.
Being a mother with children who need you is a chapter in life. Probably the best in my case but it was 20 years out of (so far) 67 years.

You can't stop time, just do your best to enjoy it and practice being a separate person as well.

Bodyshopdewberry · 24/08/2025 15:49

I'm praying mine will go off and make millions of win the lottery and then I look forward to living in luxury and them replacing all the things they ruined over the years.

Zingzoomyzingy · 24/08/2025 15:51

To be fair, you’d be far more upset if they weren’t growing and thriving. Congratulations @HiffHaffHuff on being a great single parent.

Lovelynames123 · 24/08/2025 15:52

I was holding my dd11 hand yesterday, she starts secondary next week 😮 so I know she won't want to much longer....but, I'm loving the age mine are, almost 12 and 13, becoming more independent, watching them grow into these clever, funny, amazing young women is fabulous! We go out for meals and really talk, we go on holidays where I can relax with a beer whilst they're on slides, meeting new friends. They are learning to cook, they can clean and tidy, it's not just all on me anymore (single parent also)

We've just bought a house, been in 3 different rentals since divorcing, and this time they're helping. Packing, decorating, choosing, it's so much fun all doing it together.

Ive enjoyed every stage of their childhood and I'm enjoying this one too, already saving for a car for them to learn to drive! I look at them sometimes and just think, wow, I made them!

Meadowfinch · 24/08/2025 15:56

I know how you feel OP.

My ds is 17. It's been just me and ds, since we left abusive ex 14 years ago. I sat by his bed in paed ICU, I taught him to swim, to ride a bike, I home schooled him during covid, I calmed him down when he panicked over GCSEs. I've done every school run, every holiday, every Christmas.

Suddenly he's 4 inches taller than me and I have to look up when he hugs me. We're going to university open days now. I'm cheering him on, I'm prouder of him than I can say, but OMG I'm going to miss him. I can't imagine the house without his noise and mess and endless food. There have been days he was the only thing that kept me going.

I'm trying hard not to think about it but I'll work it out when it happens next year. 🙁

RaininSummer · 24/08/2025 15:57

I found the teen years by far the hardest. Out the other side over a decade ago now and loving having adult children.

Bufftailed · 24/08/2025 15:59

Aww it’s hard OP. I really understand what you mean, am a single parent too. But my DC is 16 and we have such a good time together. You have a long way to go, don’t miss out on now.

sesquipedalian · 24/08/2025 16:05

OP, sufficient unto the day! Rather than crying, enjoy them while they’re the age they are. Yes, it goes too fast - so treasure up every minute. They may not want to hug you so much; they may try your patience as teens, but you will still love them and you will still be far more important in their lives than they will let you know. Don’t miss out on a lovely age now for fear of what the future will hold.

Endofyear · 24/08/2025 16:30

As the mum of grown up sons, I agree it is hard. When they're little, you're their everything and all they want is to cuddle up to you, tell you everything and you're their safe place. But it's our job to raise them to be independent adults and seeing them stand on their own two feet, make decisions, fall down and get up again and spread their wings does make you feel proud. My lovely sons are such good company, kind and thoughtful and I love spending time with them. But I do miss the little boys they once were.

On the plus side, I have a lot of freedom now to see friends, have holidays and pursue my own interests. Life isn't over, it's just different. And I'm looking forward to grandchildren at some point in the future!

Original poster
HiffHaffHuff · 24/08/2025 16:52

RattyMcBatty · 24/08/2025 15:34

I feel the same. My child will be going to uni next year. I feel redundant, alone, left on the shelf, as though there is nothing left for me.

It's as though you build up all your life to having your child(ren), then spend 18 years doing your absolute best for them and with them, and then they're gone, and you're just. .. left.

I literally do not know what I'm going to do. Except I will have to keep working to support them through uni, so actually I'll just be left in my boring shitty job (which I took because it fitted with school for them) coming home to not much really. 😥

I feel similar - I just don't know what I'm going to do when they grow up. I've got things to do when their gone, but I just already know I won't be happy about it, I know its gonna hit me hard

OP posts:
Original poster
HiffHaffHuff · 24/08/2025 16:55

SevenSecondsAgo · 24/08/2025 15:37

When my eldest was still a baby, some friends were discussing what age they had enjoyed the most with their own children, who were much older than mine. One woman said "Whatever age they are right now, that's the best age." I've tried to remind myself of that regularly as my own kids grew up. There will always be things you miss as they grow, but there will also be new things to enjoy and love.

I think that's what I need to think more like... that there will be new things to enjoy and love. I have enjoyed every age that my children have been, it hits me hard everytime they have a birthday and another year has passed

OP posts:
Toastedpickle · 24/08/2025 16:59

I know how you feel, Op. My oldest is now going into yr 8 of secondary school, and the change and pulling away has been huge 😞 I really feel like I have lost my little girl. And, of course, I feel proud of her and this is how it is meant to be. But it is really, really hard. Especially as you have to embrace it - relying on them or trying to force them to remain little children is what damages your relationship with them long term (I speak from experience with my parents!). I think it is fine and normal to embrace the sadness and little and allow yourself to feel sad about the changes and the time going so quickly.

MyElatedUmberFinch · 24/08/2025 17:08

Mine are mid 20’s to mid 30’s and I have loved all the stages so far. I get a lovely warm fuzzy feeling when I see them all together and I feel so proud of the adults they’ve become. Honestly you have years and years of parenting to look forward to.

usedtobeaylis · 24/08/2025 17:11

I'm totally with you. You love them at every age but you grieve all the ones that have passed.

Mine is 10 and I absolutely love watching her expressing herself in all kinds of different ways, exploring who she is, what kind of person she wants to be. I love hearing her talk to her friends or have random conversations with adults.

Every day I miss those little toddler arms round my neck though. Every day. I miss when she wanted to spend all her time with me.

They say the word 'bittersweet' was invented for motherhood.

lotsofpatience · 24/08/2025 17:28

Geez, some people are utterly hopeless at simply enjoying the present moment. You are always overthinking stuff. "Oh what is going to be like when so and so happens?"
Nobody knows jackshit about how life is going to look like in 8 years time. With the advent of AI, the constant threat of WWIII and the climate change crisis l, one thing is for sure: it is going to be challenging. So focus now in the good moments while you can because you won't be able to later on.
Stop overthinking!

Sprig1 · 24/08/2025 17:29

My son is almost 15. I still get lots of cuddles.

Btowngirl · 24/08/2025 17:36

This thread is so wholesome. My mum brought me and my 3 sisters up by herself and so we are all so close, I never really thought about all this in respect of her letting us go. I’ve got 2 DD’s now who are only 9m and 3 but I’m so emotional about all the milestones, especially as dd1 has some health issues. Glad to know it’s not just me!

usedtobeaylis · 24/08/2025 17:38

lotsofpatience · 24/08/2025 17:28

Geez, some people are utterly hopeless at simply enjoying the present moment. You are always overthinking stuff. "Oh what is going to be like when so and so happens?"
Nobody knows jackshit about how life is going to look like in 8 years time. With the advent of AI, the constant threat of WWIII and the climate change crisis l, one thing is for sure: it is going to be challenging. So focus now in the good moments while you can because you won't be able to later on.
Stop overthinking!

Edited

Fuck sake just let people talk about how they feel.

WhatAWetLettuce · 24/08/2025 17:38

Have some people had an empathy bypass here? The OP is ND, has lost a child, fled DV and has brought up her children on her own while somehow finding the energy to do other things.

OP, I am a single parent, kids no contact with their father, brought them up on my own for more than a decade. You don't know it yet but you will love every stage of them growing up. You'll be thrilled to see them turning into young adults and you'll find your way. Nothing stays the same, but you'll always be the mum that fought for them and gave them a great life. As their life changes so will yours and you will fill the gaps, relish the time you get for yourself and move forward.

Original poster
HiffHaffHuff · 24/08/2025 20:08

Ineedpeaceandquiet · 24/08/2025 15:39

Yes - it is the end of one stage but there are more to come and you can be there to guide and nurture them.

Gently, your kids should be part of your life not your whole life; the the ultimate aim to raise into independent, happy people.

Aw I know and I've really tried to find other things to fill my time, I have hobbies, friends, pets, I volenteer ect but they are my whole life, which I know they shouldn't be, but they really are.

So far they seem happy and as much as I hate it their indepence is growing by the day. My eldest spent all day at her friends house the other day - without me 😅

OP posts: