Sad about children growing up

[HiffHaffHuff]

Mine are only 8 and 10, I've been a single mum ( fled dv no contact via court order ) since my youngest was 8 months old, it's always just been us.

My eldest is going to be in year 6 when they go back and I'm just so sad about it. Time has gone so quickly? It's going to get to a point soon where neither will want to cuddle me all the time won't it 😭 their going to be out with their friends all the time, their going to have a part of their life that I'm not part of at all, one day they will move out and I won't get to see them everyday

And I know it's all normal and that's the way it's supposed to be. But it makes me so sad. I wish we could just stay as we are, I wish I didn't have to let them go

I have friends, hobbies, I volenteer with SEN children once a week, I have pets who love me..... like I'm prepared for when they do have to grow up I've got stuff to fill my time.... but at the same time it just makes me really really sad

My first baby did pass away shortly after he was born which I think has contributed to the way I feel and I am autistic/adhd so I know it all probably contributes..... yet I can still never get rid of this feeling deep inside me that one day all of this will be gone and I'll only have the memories

It's really affecting me lately I can't stop crying about it

🤣 I've been broody for years but I know I couldn't support more than 2 children's needs..... I've ended up with a dog and 4 cats 😅.... and I still get broody haha

This is it. I just wish i had more time with them at every age they've been. Don't get me wrong some aspects have been really difficult and lonely, but overall I have really really enjoyed being their mum and spending time with them. It really saddens me that that time is gone

My parents always said their job was to ensure I grew up to be independent and I've embraced the same ethos with dd. She's 13 and every step away from me she takes means I've been successful in my mission. Being a parent is a relationship that evolves over time. Try to enjoy it in each stage rather than long for a different one.

I'm struggling with this being the last year of primary so I dread to think how I'll feel when it's uni time 😅

Mine are now adults and we have a great relationship .... I'm NC with both my parents and this sentence really stuck out to me.... I do constantly worry that history will repeat itself and my children will go NC with me ( no reason to, we love each other and get on very well... I have awful intrusive thoughts and this is one of them ) ..... maybe this underlying fear is part of the reason I get so sad about them growing up 😅

( My parents are both NC with their parents so it has been a recurring theme in my family )

Its crazy that it is only a small chapter of our lives, I've never looked at it like that but you are right

I wish they didn't get rid of the laughing reaction 😅

That is true I dread to think how much extra I've spent over the years because of them haha

Whenever I find myself saying to myself that I wish they didn't have to grow up I always finish it with "so quickly" because I would be devastated if they were not growing up. My first baby died shortly after he was born so I do feel extra lucky to have two children who are alive and well

Aw yano what part of me is looking forward to them being slightly older so I can take them abroad on holiday. I've been too anxious while they were younger, it will be nice to take them when their teens and I can relax a little

I look at them sometimes and just think, wow, I made them! aw I get this too, I just can't believe that I grew them inside me and now their almost the same size as me, it's crazy

This is it isn't it. We've been there throughout everything ( I know all parents have but I feel like it's different with it's a solo parent ) and then one day their not going to be there anymore? It's just such an awful thought

There have been days he was the only thing that kept me going Me too, there have been times in the past I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for them.

Have you got things lined up for when he leaves? This is why I started volunteering and I've pushed myself to make friends and have hobbies.... I'm actually quite content just staying home with my kids or going places with them, but I know once they leave the emptiness will get me

Funny, I’ve always felt happy and excited for each new milestone. Secondary school for me was lovely as we had so many of their friends round the house and such great kids. The only time I’ve been sad was when my first left for uni. But we soon got into a new rhythm and now he’s back. Next will be graduations then first jobs. Then maybe weddings and grandchildren if we are lucky and more cuddles and kisses. It’s all good.

People say that to me about the teen years and warn me about mine.... but I'm feeling fairly positive ( maybe naively ) about the teenage years

Both of mine were diagnosed with autism and adhd last year ( I was only diagnosed the year before ) and since being diagnosed everyone is so much calmer and regulated.... and they've developed some empathy for each other .... I'm hoping all the tools/understanding and support we have learnt will carry on into the teenage years

That's nice to hear, I worry mine won't want to know me as teens. We have lovely memories and nice times together, just everyday that goes by I know it's another day less with them. I know im daft and I'm really trying to get over it 😅

I think it's the fact I treasure every minute that makes it so hard 😅

but you will still love them and you will still be far more important in their lives than they will let you know that was really lovely to read, thank you for that

It sucks. I’ve lost my friends as a single parent, and have no life out with them. If I’m not working I’m with them. Which I love but it’s going too fast

No I promise I'm not trying to keep them little.... I hate that their growing up but I don't stop it. My 8 year old has fine moter issues and struggles with his laces, dressing himself, buttering bread ect..... I'd love to do it all for him but I have to watch him struggle learn to do it on his own,

My eldest spent the whole day at her friends the other day, I was on pins the whole time and secretly wished she was home but to her face I was really positive and excited for her 😅 I try not to put any of My fears or worries onto them

This is it, I'm struggling to inwardly embrace all the changes all the growing up and I dread what's to come. Outwardly they have no idea I feel this way.

I don't even speak to my friends about how much it actually upsets me because everyone else can't wait for there's to grow up 😅

Aw I know, it's just so hard to let go isn't it. My eldest is very independent and confident and I love that for her, I'm thrilled that my internal anxieties havnt affected her so far - I'm just so so sad I can't keep her forever. But I feel like this every year thay goes by 😅

I don't think it helps we have had a lovely 6 weeks, it has been so nice, we've had barely any arguing or falling out and lots of lovely days out. I'm dreading them going back to school

Your right about life won't be over. It will just be very different. Maybe I'll find somthing I really really enjoy doing and will be glad of the free time

My 3 are 17, 14 and 11 and I feel exactly the same. It still feels weird having time to myself as the children have their own social lives and the 2 eldest have been working throughout the summer.

That was lovely to read. I constantly feel like time is running out, I don't often think of seeing them together when their older.... I've been more focused on them not being with me everyday 🙈😅.... but that's such a lovely though seeing them together when their older and maybe their partners too

I think primary school years will inevitably be my favourite when I look back as an old woman. However I do think you need to embrace the new- guiding them through exams, watching them learn to drive, helping them navigate relationships, maybe one day becoming a grandmother. Or just small things like the first time they take you to dinner and pick up the bill :)
Your children will forever need you just in different ways.

Oh do they? I have never heard that but it is true, it is all very bittersweet. My 8 year old is still very cuddly with me and tells me he loves me everyday, it makes me really sad that he will probably stop soon.

Aw I know exactly what you mean because I always miss the younger version. I can guarantee this time next year I'll be sad about the ages they are now

I really do love that their both growing up happy and healthy, love seeing them with their friends but it still does make me sad that these days will just be a memory. I know I need to get over it

😅 I do enjoy the present moment I think that's why this is all so difficult, because I enjoy it so much and I know it's not forever

When we are spending time together I don't actively sit there upset that it's soon going to be a memory
..... its when I'm on my own and not busy and my brain starts whirring away

I've tried to mentally prepare myself that one day they won't want to cuddle me but deep down I really hope they still do. Your post has given me hope haha

Aw see me and my family are not close and I think that's partially why I worry. I would be devastated if they didn't want to spend time with me as adults

My 8 year old has health issues so he's needed more support over the years.... it does hit harder when they start growing up I think

I'm glad it's not just me either 😅 all of my friends csnt wait for their kids to grow up and I just don't understand it

I could have written this. Mine are the exact same age and I am also a single parent. Every night I get the same feeling as I just know I will never get this precious time back. It's always been the three of us and I am the most important person in their world but very soon their friends will be more important and the way they see the world will completely change! Cant shake the overwhelming sadness!

I've still got a 24 and 19 yo living at home so they don't always leave that soon!

However, I am enjoying now meeting with their partners families and looking towards my family growing bigger. In time there could be a grandchild that joins both the families and it will expand downwards into the new generation even though mine and my parents and grandparents generation is dwindling now.

OP I know what you mean, but although relationships change they don’t have to be any less close. My DC are in their 40s now - they have independent lives but I usually see them at least weekly and we always have a big hug hello and goodbye. I’m close to their DPs and my DGC too and count my blessings every day.