Sent bereavement flowers but not had an acknowledgement?

[Lollylolo]

Close friend's partner's parent died recently. I am not close to their partner although they've been together about 15 years, but have been supporting my friend, meeting for walks and chats etc, to help her whilst she supported her partner and family.

She let me know on the day the parent passed and I offered condolences etc. I've been away so not been able to meet up, but I did send some flowers which should have arrived yesterday.

I've not had an acknowledgement yet. Their house is hard to find and I'm paranoid that the flowers might have either not been delivered, or left on the doorstep and taken, or left at the wrong house. Friend has not replied to my message of a week ago asking how they all are, so I don't know what's happening, when the funeral is etc and don't want to message at a bad time.

How long would you leave it before messaging to ask if they got the flowers? I don't want it to seem like I'm looking for thanks (which I am of course not), but I do want to know they got them. Would you call the florist first and confirm they had been delivered and handed over to an actual person at the address before messaging? Just not sure what to do at this delicate time

Check with the florist first. Every delivery person seems to take photos of the delivery now.

Did the parent who died live out of town? Is it possible they’ve gone away to deal with the funeral / house etc?

Yes check with florist of proof of delivery. Don't ask friend. She might have a lot on her plate

Honestly, it is likely that they are snowed under. While it is truly lovely that people care and show it, the days following a bereavement are incredibly busy, answering a non-stop phone, from well-wishers, to heartbroken relatives, to funeral parlour and celebrant or vicar, sorting out the practicalities of the funeral - who to invite and how to get in touch with them and where to put Auntie Jane if she wants to stay over and whether to bring Bessie from the care home but then who will look after her all day, and how many cars after the hearse and what songs and poems and photos and funeral service design and how to stop that kind neighbour from dropping off enough chicken casserole to feed a boy scout camp when everyone in the house is vegetarian and and and. I'd never expect anyone to acknowledge receipt of anything I sent after a bereavement.

@scaredfriend no all local

They have bigger things to deal with atm, please don't bother them with this.

Please don't ask your friend. It's such a weird time when someone dies, and it can be difficult to stay on top of stuff like that.

It will make her feel rubbish if you ask. Maybe just check with the florist to confirm that they were definitely delivered.

I would not message at all. You can maybe ask the next time you meet for a walk.

I didn’t even think of acknowledging the flowers that I received

they were the last thing on my mind and to be honest a pain to receive and really not wanted

Quite

Check with florist. They’ll acknowledge when they have time .

I’d find it odd if she had acknowledged it. Is it the correct thing to do? She’s probably distracted and supporting her partner. Absolute last thing I considered when my pil/my dad died.

That's a shame. I was really grateful for the flowers I received when DM died, and found time to make sure the people who sent them knew. This just shows how different we all are.

We were very, very strict about no flowers at the funeral though. DM would have been livid at the waste!

Thank you all. This is the first parental bereavement in our friendship group and we are still quite young (late 30s) so wasn't sure of the etiquette. Flowers seemed like the right thing to do although it seems this is maybe not the done thing now days? I am just paranoid they were not delivered or left in a shed that's all, I will contact the florist!

Why not just drop a message to her saying you’re just checking in, hope the flowers were ok, you’re there if she needs anything of thinking of her. I wouldn’t expect a response just yet to be honest. If she’s local, why didn’t you take them round?

If they got them and haven't sent you an acknowledgement it's most likely because they are dealing with grief, the funeral, admin aftermath of a death, just the general shit that goes along with losing a loved one. Flowers arriving at the door will barely register with them (albeit you were very thoughtful in sending them).

If they haven't received them does it really matter at this stage? It certainly won't matter to them. You made a lovely gesture (even if the flowers never arrived). Don't make this a 'thing' and really don't mention it to your friend. Both she and her partner have so much to deal with right now, they don't need to be bothered with this.

Please don’t get in touch with them. They have more than enough on their plate now without being guilted by you because they haven’t acknowledged your flowers.

It was a lovely gesture on your part. If you have to check, ask the florist, but not the recipient.

You are quite right about the first part, although if they didn't arrive it would matter because I'd spent a good whack of money on them!

I got back from arranging my dad's funeral to find a huge bunch of flowers outside the door, delivered from work. They were beautiful and a really nice gesture however I just handed them to DH to do the cutting up, sticking in a vase as I just didn't have the energy, it was just one more thing to do.

Did you read the OP? I am not looking for thanks or trying to guilt them, I just want to know they arrived due to the location of the house and it being hard to find. My friend is pretty contentious- she took the trouble to message me to let me know her partner's parent had died, and we've chatted a bit in the 3 weeks since, so I had thought she might message just to say they had got them.

I'm still abroad sadly otherwise I would have done (although turning up unannounced on their doorstep to my mind would have been worse than sending a message asking if they got them)

Well I wasnt at home and most of them were dead by the time I saw them

dead flowers for a dead father

it wasnt great

I sent a peace lily to a colleague last week who had lost their mum. I checked the Royal Mail tracker, then they sent me a thank you messagea few days later saying how much their mum would have loved it. Contact the florist and trust them.

Of course I read the OP. But it doesn’t matter how you frame it, if you call someone to ask if they got your flowers, they’re going to feel guilty for not letting you know.

Sorry for your loss