Sent bereavement flowers but not had an acknowledgement?

[Lollylolo]

Close friend's partner's parent died recently. I am not close to their partner although they've been together about 15 years, but have been supporting my friend, meeting for walks and chats etc, to help her whilst she supported her partner and family.

She let me know on the day the parent passed and I offered condolences etc. I've been away so not been able to meet up, but I did send some flowers which should have arrived yesterday.

I've not had an acknowledgement yet. Their house is hard to find and I'm paranoid that the flowers might have either not been delivered, or left on the doorstep and taken, or left at the wrong house. Friend has not replied to my message of a week ago asking how they all are, so I don't know what's happening, when the funeral is etc and don't want to message at a bad time.

How long would you leave it before messaging to ask if they got the flowers? I don't want it to seem like I'm looking for thanks (which I am of course not), but I do want to know they got them. Would you call the florist first and confirm they had been delivered and handed over to an actual person at the address before messaging? Just not sure what to do at this delicate time

You did a lovely, thoughtful thing so please don't feel bad at all about that. Just, for me, the cards that I received (and kept) were what I really needed and appreciated - just knowing that people were thinking of me and my family and sympathising with our great loss. No expense needed, just genuine thought.

It's not usual etiquette to acknowledge or send thanks for flowers / gifts / help after bereavement.

Thank you all for your replies. Interesting to get the differing views. I have just rung the florist, she thought I was completely weird and sounded bemused at confirming delivery and said they would have rung me if they hadn't been able to deliver them.

Apparently handed to an actual person at the address and not left somewhere to be stolen! Lesson learned and I will in future call the florist.

To all of you who have lost parents or other bereavements, I am very sorry for your losses.

Check with the florist if you are concerned- definitely don't ask the family.

Leave them alone.

My colleagues sent me flowers that didn't arrive - luckily for us all, we veered away from MN advice and my boss used her commons sense and sent me a lovely text about 10 days later to check how I was and to see if I got the flowers. Meanwhile, I'd been a bit hurt that no-one in the team had sent flowers when it's a standard thing in our team after a bereavement.

She sorted it out with the florist and the flowers duly arrived.

Check with the florist bit seriously you are expecting someone to thank you when they are overwhelmed with everything. They just might not be able to right now

The thought is lovely just check with the florist and dont bother the friend. When i received flowers for a loss of a parent i was not in a place to acknowledge it and say thank you. They were appreciated.

Flowers are fine. It's a lovely thought.

They're probably swamped with Death Admin. I know we were when my dad died - though my mum who loves a natter on the phone and writing letters did get round to doing thank yous eventually.

I think it depends on the situation - when my dm collapsed suddenly she was dead within a week and I found myself in absolute chaos - I had a toddler, was supposed to start a new job the next week, my mum was halfway through having a new step built in her garden. Along with the grief I spent hours informing everyone and listening to them crying and telling me how amazing and wonderful my mum was (true). And then flowers and cards on top - every single arrival made my heart sink as it meant another acknowledgment.

Meanwhile I had all the other stuff to do - when she had collapsed she had a load of laundry running in the washing machine, a fridge full of fresh food, bins needed to go out.

I was completely overwhelmed

Flowers are difficult. When my husband died I had so many flowers I had to go and buy more vases and didn't appreciate the man in Sainsbury's telling me to "cheer up it may never happen" I told him it already had and why. A bit mean but I wasn't coping. I actually think just a card with some nice words is fine. Not trying to suggest you were wrong to send flowers but it just gets a bit much having to put them in vases. My new FIL(from 2nd marriage )died last week and the minister brought flowers but we don't live near FIL so had to bring them home and now we are away at my dad's for a few days so they are just sitting there.
My FIL was 97 and very unwell at the end but the whole funeral and house and utility dealings is exhausting.

You did do a kind thing though, op and I'm sure she was grateful.

I really get this. See my earlier post. What really bugged me was the nearly 200 people who came to my husbands funeral and wrote lovely cards and told me how wonderful he was...I've not seen 180 of them since. One lady came but then remembered our 25th wedding anniversary 3 months after his death and sent me a gift voucher for £200 for a massage...now that was perfect

Glad you’ve found your answer OP. I’d have just sent a simple card for a close friend’s partner’s dad tbh, but there you go!

I think it's odd to even send flowers in the first place in this situation. It's not your friend's parent who's died (in which case yes, send flowers) but their partner's who you hardly know. A card yes, but flowers really weren't necessary. No wonder your friend doesn't know how to respond.

Just to reassure you….we are all different but I lived receiving flowers. I enjoyed the distraction of putting them all in vases and it was helpful to have something to do, and to know my friends were thinking of me.

Check with the florist if you're genuinely worried they haven't got there but don't be waiting for a thank you or bothering your friend.

I'm a believer that someone should acknowledge a gift and say thank you but I would not expect it in these circumstances.

Don’t make this about you.
Have you not had a close relative pass?
Unbelievable.

You don't say anything OP.

Tbh I got flowers when my daughter died and while I appreciated the sentiment it was just one more thing 'to do'. I sat looking at these bunches of flowers and had to think of digging out vases, snipping the bottoms, filling vases, putting feed in, arranging them and finding somewhere to put them. They sat in a jug of water for a couple of days before I could muster up the energy.

Then I had to watch them wilt and die. Clearing the dropped petals away that go all over.

In an ordinary world it's a nothing thing. but under those circumstances it was another thing to do I could have done without.

You know your friends and whether they would have been happy or not but I'd absolutely not ask.

I'm stepping away from this thread now, I have got confirmation from the florist they were delivered. I am rather taken aback that doing what I thought was a nice thing has resulted in such responses, but thanks to those who took the time to reply with their advice and opinions.

This to some extent. It's lovely people thought enough of us/my DH to send flowers but we ran out of vases/receptacles to put them in. the house looked like a flower shop as we had them in every room as ran out of places to put them in the sitting room. Still I suppose it gave us something to chuckle about and it smelt amazing!

Hi - you tried to do a nice thing, and you just wanted confirmation they arrived. I think this thread has blown up for the wrong reasons.

Your friend is probably dealing with other things, but I absolutely understand why you'd just want to know they arrived - and it's good that the florist has given confirmation. I think not messaging your friend about them is the right thing to do.

For what it's worth, I'd have absolutely have been grateful for flowers when my Dad passed.

I think if it was your friends parent and you sent her a card or flowers that would be fine but if its her husbands parent it's a bit weird. Also don't ask about whether they were delivered at all.

As others have said, as lovely as the gesture is, thinking people is pretty low on their list of priorities now, so don’t feel badly, just check with the florist. 💐

Flowers are lovely my friends sent me a beautiful bouquet when my mum died earlier this year
But yes don't necessarily expect an acknowledgement at the moment.

I wouldn’t expect an acknowledgment at all. It’s a bit needy and demanding. Also, no matter how well meaning, many bereaved people hate receiving flowers - yet another job to take care of them, not enough vases, and then they die.