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Original poster

Navigating Christmas with second DC and family

60 replies

Sunrays22 · 20/08/2025 12:31

Probably an early post for the dreaded C word but we will start getting questions soon!

We are due our second DC in September (our first will be 5yo) and I'm dreading navigating Christmas this year with family.

My preference would be to go to my parents. They have plenty of space for us all to stay and it's very relaxed which will make things easier with a 3 month old - plus no cooking! We could also opt to stay at home just the 4 of us, however we don't have any space for visitors/family to stay over and both sets of families live 2 - 3 hours drive away so as it's not easy to just pop-by for a few hours we probably wouldn't end up seeing any family.

The issue is last Christmas we went to my parents so DH's Mum insisted we spend this Christmas with her - this was obviously before we knew we were having DC2! DH's Mum doesn't have enough space for all 4 of us to comfortably stay over so it would be a complete nightmare in terms of space and I just don't think it will be a positive experience for anyone! How on Earth do we approach the situation though as MIL will likely still expect us to visit and I know she won't be happy and think it's unfair if we go to my parents for Christmas again.

To add slightly more complexity, I'm the only driver in our house currently so all the pressure is on me when it comes to the travel should we decide to go visiting - I really don't want to spend the whole time driving to different relatives across the UK (as I said, one set of family is 3 hours drive away and the other set is 2 hours!) My worry is I will spend the whole time driving to make sure all the family members get to see DC OR we will just end up staying home and not seeing anyone at all over the festive period which would be a real shame.

Anyone have any advice on navigating this or what they would do?

OP posts:

Youcancallmeirrelevant · 20/08/2025 12:43

I would stay at home so as not to wreck relations with your DH family.people can visit and stay in hotels if they want to see you

SJM1988 · 20/08/2025 12:48

I would stay home and see no one. Or get people to visit you but stay at a hotel or airbnb.

Its not unreasonable for your MIL to be offended if you don't go and opt for your parents again (even with the change of circumstances). Its saying you are never going to visit her again with 2 children because of the space.
It's also not unreasonable for you to not want to be squeezed into not enough space (although I would do it for a few days for the sake of spending Christmas was family if needed)

persisted · 20/08/2025 12:51

Stay at home.
People can come you if they want to, but its their issue to arrange.
If they're not bothered enough to come to you then it doesn't matter and they don't get to guilt trip you.

Interested in this thread?

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Events & celebrations Families

sesquipedalian · 20/08/2025 12:54

“DH's Mum insisted we spend this Christmas with her ”

I think this is really unreasonable - there are many reasons why you might not choose to spend Christmas with one or other set of relatives. How many stops will you have to make, irrespective of where you’re travelling? And what does your DH think about it all? I’d be inclined to say that you will go to your parents in order to have an easier Christmas and will then visit the in-laws for a couple of days at the New Year - would they and DH agree to this? If it’s going to cause WWIII then you might have to stay at home - but I’d emphasise the space and needing to be looked after by your mother. And whatever you decide to do, I still think anyone who tries to insist on how someone else spends Christmas is unreasonable.

Octavia64 · 20/08/2025 12:56

Taking the Christmas situation out of it, clearly there’s an issue with visiting your mil that will be ongoing.

if she doesn’t have space to put you up and you don’t have space to put her up how will you see her?

does she have other children? Do they visit?

what other options do you have?

I used to camp near my parents in the summer once my kids were a bit older, or we’d hire an AirBnb together for a few days.

the obvious solution for Xmas is stay at home but it’s Worth thinking about the future.

cornflourblue · 20/08/2025 12:57

Stay at home. Ask family to come to you after Christmas, but stay in a hotel/holidays let.

Where does MIL expect to put you all if there's not enough room?

GeneticallyModifiedGrump · 20/08/2025 12:57

How cramped are you for space at your in laws? Do-able but not luxurious or really squeezed?
For a few days I would go and make the best of it, it isn't really fair to go to your parents again just because they are lucky enough to have a bigger home! Any chance your parents could invite the in laws and you all celebrate together?

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 20/08/2025 12:58

Stay at home. Give your in laws first refusal to come and visit you for Christmas, staying in a nearby Airbnb.

heartmatters · 20/08/2025 12:59

You stay at home. I never took my DC anywhere at Christmas. It's their day to be at home and enjoy their gifts at their pace without nagging to get dressed and go out. If anyone wants to visit we have an open house, plenty of food and drink but beyond that guests decide whether they want to visit or not.

heartmatters · 20/08/2025 12:59

autienotnaughty · 20/08/2025 12:59

I would stay home and visit mils next year then your mums the year after.

Crunchymum · 20/08/2025 13:00

I'd stay at home this year (no visitors) and then next year do MIL's but stay in a hotel or Airbnb. Then the year after do your parents.

Or else do MIL and Airbnb this year / your parents next year.

It's a good question though. How do you (I mean you as in the family) plan to facilitate future visits with your MIL if space is an issue at your home and her home?

JimmyGiraffe · 20/08/2025 13:03

Irrespective of the time of year, being ridiculously cramped and over-shared bathrooms is never much fun

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 20/08/2025 13:03

Stay at home. I'm sure your MIL will understand, you'll have a very small baby and packing up and moving about with two very little ones just adds to the stress. You can renegotiate next year if you need to.

But have you thought that while YOU might be more comfortable and relaxed at your DPs your DH might not be? They are your parents so of course you will prefer it, but your partner might want a say.

Purplecatshopaholic · 20/08/2025 13:05

I would stay home. All your stuff is there, and you will have a three month baby. Plus going anywhere means you doing a lot of driving. Tell people up front so they know the score. You say doing that would be a shame. Is it you that feels that, or other family members? If it’s the family, then present your decision to stay at home now, and maybe suggest you go to MIL next year?

CottageGoblin · 20/08/2025 13:10

I would stay at home, OP.
You don’t know what the weather will be like and it might be really nice for your older dc to be a home with their new sibling.

There’s always a lot of expectation around Christmas. But the season of Christmas, I would visit another point during December and make a nice meal and visit to relatives then.

HeddaGarbled · 20/08/2025 13:11

We stayed home every year once we’d had children and saw people in the run up to or after Christmas. That was until my FIL died and then my MIL had an open invitation to stay with us whenever she wanted.

Coffeeishot · 20/08/2025 13:14

Youcancallmeirrelevant · 20/08/2025 12:43

I would stay at home so as not to wreck relations with your DH family.people can visit and stay in hotels if they want to see you

Yes this, your husbands mother is just as important, and how small is her house that you can't squeeze a little baby in?

Notmycircusnotmyotter · 20/08/2025 13:15

Go where you're comfortable. You're going to have a lovely time with your tiny baby.

WhatWouldTheDoctorDo · 20/08/2025 13:18

I don’t think it’s fair on your DH, DC or MIL if you just go to your parents every year. Could you stay in an Airbnb or hotel? Or invite your MIL to stay in one near your home?

Is there a medical reason only to have one driver in the family? If not, could your DH learn (I appreciate that wouldn’t be in time for Christmas)? It’s a lot of pressure with young children, and family hours away in opposite directions for only one of you being able to drive.

DorothyStorm · 20/08/2025 13:19

Coffeeishot · 20/08/2025 13:14

Yes this, your husbands mother is just as important, and how small is her house that you can't squeeze a little baby in?

Show quote history

I thought this. The baby should be the easiest. Unless you take everything with you.

HuskyNew · 20/08/2025 13:21

Just stay at home. Invite people to visit. There must be airB&B somewhere.

Or meet half way at a different time in December / Jan

Mrsttcno1 · 20/08/2025 13:21

With such a young baby, just do whatever makes your lives easiest this year regardless of what MIL says.

We’ll have a 6 week old baby as well as a 20 month toddler for Christmas this year so are doing the same- whatever makes our lives easiest. For us that is Christmas day with my family who have plenty of space and also somewhere safe for sleep for both kids, everything my toddler may need & all the newborn bits still from our first so we just need to get in the car and go rather than having to pack 10000 things to go for the day. Everyone else is welcome to pop in boxing day etc.

TheNightingalesStarling · 20/08/2025 13:22

Stay at home. A baby is the perfect excuse.
In future, either stay at home or find accommodation near your in laws if staying with them is really that unpleasant.

(When DH &I visit my parents, the adults stay in a cheap hotel while the kids stay with the grandparents as there isn't room really.)

TrustedTheWrongFart · 20/08/2025 13:25

Would you feel differently if it was your mums ‘turn’?

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