Navigating Christmas with second DC and family

[Sunrays22]

Probably an early post for the dreaded C word but we will start getting questions soon!

We are due our second DC in September (our first will be 5yo) and I'm dreading navigating Christmas this year with family.

My preference would be to go to my parents. They have plenty of space for us all to stay and it's very relaxed which will make things easier with a 3 month old - plus no cooking! We could also opt to stay at home just the 4 of us, however we don't have any space for visitors/family to stay over and both sets of families live 2 - 3 hours drive away so as it's not easy to just pop-by for a few hours we probably wouldn't end up seeing any family.

The issue is last Christmas we went to my parents so DH's Mum insisted we spend this Christmas with her - this was obviously before we knew we were having DC2! DH's Mum doesn't have enough space for all 4 of us to comfortably stay over so it would be a complete nightmare in terms of space and I just don't think it will be a positive experience for anyone! How on Earth do we approach the situation though as MIL will likely still expect us to visit and I know she won't be happy and think it's unfair if we go to my parents for Christmas again.

To add slightly more complexity, I'm the only driver in our house currently so all the pressure is on me when it comes to the travel should we decide to go visiting - I really don't want to spend the whole time driving to different relatives across the UK (as I said, one set of family is 3 hours drive away and the other set is 2 hours!) My worry is I will spend the whole time driving to make sure all the family members get to see DC OR we will just end up staying home and not seeing anyone at all over the festive period which would be a real shame.

Anyone have any advice on navigating this or what they would do?

Definitely stay at home. People can visit before/after Christmas and stay in hotel or airbnb.

Unfortunatly I think mil has to understand plans were made before you realised you were pregnant so the plans will change.

I fully believe women with new borns are the priority .

They should be put first because of the ordeal of birth and the fact a vulnerable baby is relying on them

So I'd be very blunt with DH

Will it be as relaxing and comfortable for me at your mum's as it will be at my mum's ?

If not why on earth should you go ?
Your mum's is bigger and you will be locked after
Is mil going to look after you ?

• can you stay at air b b n at mils and why can't mil do the same and visit you. .

Is mil alone ? Is there any chance mil can go to your parents or your parents rent air b n b.

Another vote for staying home. Get DH to break it to his DM.
Things change, its now time for that to happen. Reasons-
older dc is going to feel unsettled with a new baby, not fair to them, not fair to you to drive with a new baby, you will all be getting settled into new routines, travelling that distance with a new baby etc.

Why should a new mum with a 3 month old deny herself the chance to be looked after and have a small break because it's only fair to mil?

I can't believe some of the responses.

Op put yourself first no one else will.

Go to mums and come up with an alternate plan for mil.

Honestly, I am so over people pleasing at Christmas. The only person's preferences I consider in Christmas plans is my husband's and I expect that we equally have our preferences considered year to year. Everyone will get to see each other at some point over Christmas and there will be lots of celebrating whatever day it is.

There's lots of ways to do this. You could stay at home and invite people to join but tell them you don't have space and they'll need a hotel.

You could visit your MIL and stay in a hotel.

You could spend Christmas as a family and see other family on boxing day or something.

I would just say don't stress yourself out, whatever plan you make and don't bend over backwards trying to make everyone happy, it's your family's Christmas too after all.

Stay home. Going to your mums x2 years when you’ve promised MIL feels wrong. Staying home as plans have changed feels fine.

Stay at home. It would be deliberately hurtful to your ML to go to your parents after you’ve agreed to go to hers.

If you choose to go to your parents anyway, then there’s no reason you can’t visit both. If you can do one journey you can do the other, even if you’d rather not.

Unbelievable !!

I’d go to your mum’s so I got a little bit of a break over Christmas (assuming your DH can live with this). Ideally I’d ask if you can invite in-laws, if not to stay then at least for Christmas dinner or on Boxing Day or something. Make it clear that this is motivated by the new baby and not a precedent that you’ll never spend Christmas with them again!