I feel sorry for my DM for having no grandchildren

[DGConcerns]

I'm an only child and my DM has been pining for DGCs for a long time. Unfortunately she has no other DCs, so all of her hopes of having them and resting upon my shoulders. I'm approaching 30 and feel as though the clock is ticking. I sadly haven't found a suitable partner to have children with, despite wanting them very much. I get the impression from being on MN that most grandparents (particularly grandmas) adore their grandkids and love spending time with them.

Are there any exceptions to that? Are there any Mumsnetters around my mum's age (late 50s) or above, who have no DGCs and aren't expecting them any time soon, and would be content if they never have any grandkids?

I'm in my late 50s and DH is 5 years older than me. We have two DC but neither of them are likely to have children. That's fine with me. I like small children, but they wear me out. I've got another 10 years to go before I retire and I can't imagine giving up all my annual leave to go and visit GC.

At the end of the day having children is your choice. I was 33 when I became pregnant and my DM was 64 when she became a GM for the first time. It's not unusual for women in mid 30s to now start a family, I know the birth risk increases, but not so much until after 35 I believe.

Remember you are having children for yourself, not to please your DM. You have to be 100% ready and don't rush it for anyone else.

At 30 I still didn't want a child and wasn't in a rush, all of a sudden at 32 I felt ready.

I think your DM has to respect your wishes here.

If you also really want children you can get IVF you don’t need a man & it sounds like your mum would help out

I'm in my mid 70s, only child in their mid 50s, their partner is in their 60s.

They have no children and will not have any.

I'm fine with that, because it's not my decision to make (whether it not they have children) and I had no expectations of my child when I had them. I had hopes. But paramount amongst those hopes was that they would be a good person and find happiness.

I'm happy to say my child has fulfilled those hopes in spades.

That's more than good enough for me.

my DM has been pining for DGCs for a long time. … I'm approaching 30
Her behaviour is ridiculous then. She has been pressuring you for children and you are not even 30??? Fuck that. Tell her to get a puppy

Talk about jumping the gun @Freeme31! Having a child who automatically won’t have a father is not a decision to take lightly!
OP - I hope your mum is not putting pressure on you. I’m sure she just wants you to be secure and happy above having any children. Sooo much can happen in the next 5-10 years so there’s every chance you’ll meet someone and have a child if that’s what you want.

Who cares about what your mum wants? What do you want? You’re not some baby vessel.

That's a lot of unfair pressure your mum is putting you under OP.

I feel for my aunt. I don't think either of her kids will be having any (mid and late 30's now). She acts uninterested but I've seen how longingly she looks at my kids with my mum. Her children have every right not to have them but I think she would have been happy with one or two running around as she reaches retirement age.

To add my brother is mid thirties and single. He has no desire to be in a relationship and is happy just doing his own thing. I doubt he'll have any children either as he is concerned about any child of his also having ADHD like him.

Im in my 60s and was o enjoyed when my only child DS said he and his wife in their 40s weren't having any children.
The last thing I want in retirement is to have to pretend I like small children, I don't.
We all prefer cats tbh.

You’re not even in your 30s?! Honestly, this is a daft thing to be worrying about at this point on both your and your mums behalf. You’ve got years left to have children. I thought you were going to say you were 40+. Park it and enjoy life, appreciate easier said than done maybe, but it’s far too early to be talking the way you are.

Your not even 30 yet and your mum is still in her 50,s I'm 52 soon and my oldest is nearly 19 so neot expecting grandchildren anytime soon
I didn't meet my dh untill I was 31 having spent much of my 20 s single by 36 I was a mother of two.

At 30 I had only just met my DH and was still clubbing evey weekend! Children were nowhere near my thinking! DM never pressured me, although I knew she wanted to be a grandma. Had my first at 33. You still have plenty of time!

Would you consider adopting or fostering a child?
My eldest daughter is very unlikely to become a biological parent, but I think that’s the path she will choose later on to open up her home to a child that needs it
And I will of course welcome them with open arms

Don’t have children for your parents.
Mine would say they love them but this summer holiday, have done precisely nothing with them, no contact whatsoever, despite them both being local.

I am in my 50s and would be perfectly content if I had no grandkids. Not sure I want to encourage bringing more kids into a world which looks very terrifying.

Also I want to spend my retirement travelling, not babysitting.

Also it's not your job to have kids for your parents. DS says he doesnt want any kids. His choice.

I’m in my 50s with 5 adult DC and as yet, no DGC.

As much as I would really love to have grandchildren (and I am secretly soooo grandbroody!), it’s not an expectation. If they have kids, great. If they don’t have kids, great.

I just want them to be happy and live their lives in a the best possible way for themselves, whatever that looks like.

Never mind what your mum wants, what do you want to do about it right now?

I got married at 34. But we already knew we couldn't have children due to DH's infertility - not the "relax and it'll happen" type but the "100% impossible no matter what your cousins best friends daughter managed to do" type.

I refused IVF as it would mean donor sperm and we didn't want to do that.

We also failed at adoption due to my disability. You can t just select a child off the shelf, it's a long process and arduous for many people and does NOT have a guaranteed happy ending.

Life throws curveballs. It's shite but sometimes you have to learn to live with your choices.

You can’t have children just to give your mum grandkids!

I’m one of three and the only one to have had a child. She came along when I was 42 because I hadn’t been with a partner before that who wanted kids. I think my parents had resigned themselves to not having GCs and they were very accepting about it, despite wanting them very much. Needless to say they were over the moon when my daughter arrived. Try not to feel responsible or guilty and just talk to your mum about how it’s making you feel and you might be surprised at how she reacts.
I remember the month before I got pregnant having a meal with my lovely dad and telling him how sorry I was that he wasn’t going to be a grandfather. He took my hand and told me it was alright because he was very happy to have me.

I’m late 50s , 2 adult children and very unlikely to get any GC as our son is gay and doesn’t want them and our daughter is too ill and doesn’t want any . I honestly can’t say I’m that bothered, yes id enjoy them if I had them but it’s not my choice .

It is emotionally manipulative to say you hope for grandchildren when you only have one child so put her desires out of your mind. Just live for yourself and see what happens - you’re still fairly young enough to find a partner / have children.

To be fair - she only had the one! She was the one that reduced her odds!!

You have a child IF YOU want one.

I’m 43 and not likely to have kids. Although really wanted them. And my sister is married but never wanted them. I feel really guilty, my parents would have loved grandchildren and would have been fantastic grandparents. They say they’ve put it to bed. But it really bothers me.