I feel sorry for my DM for having no grandchildren

[DGConcerns]

I'm an only child and my DM has been pining for DGCs for a long time. Unfortunately she has no other DCs, so all of her hopes of having them and resting upon my shoulders. I'm approaching 30 and feel as though the clock is ticking. I sadly haven't found a suitable partner to have children with, despite wanting them very much. I get the impression from being on MN that most grandparents (particularly grandmas) adore their grandkids and love spending time with them.

Are there any exceptions to that? Are there any Mumsnetters around my mum's age (late 50s) or above, who have no DGCs and aren't expecting them any time soon, and would be content if they never have any grandkids?

Having children to provide someone with grandchildren is stupid.
If you dont want children,dont have them.
How she feels about it should not be a factor in bringing a person into the world.

Late 50s, two young adult DC and TBH I'm half hoping they don't. DCs are both ND and still need a fair amount of support themselves, I'm not sure they'd cope too well especially if their DC are also ND. Then there's the cost, I don't think either of my two will be high earners and we live in the SE. Finally I kind of just want to enjoy my retirement when it comes, I am just entering the elderly parents needing a lot of care stage and not sure if I could cope with DGC as well, by the time I am done with parents I am going to want to relax a bit myself. Nearly all
my friends are a similar age to me and none has expressed a desire to be a GP and none are yet.

Mid 50s here with 2 DC late 20s. Neither one wants children. One said they may possibly want one maybe sometimes in the future - mid 30s - but the other one says 'no way, not ever.'

I feel weirdly about this and don't know how to articulate it. If they never have children, I will be fine with that, as it's their life, and I don't want them tying themselves down with children, because they think it's expected of them by family, and by society etc... But if they DO come to me and say they're expecting a baby, I will be over the moon. Basically, I will be happy with whatever they choose.

And I'm not just saying that, my life does not revolve around my (adult) children having children. I am not desperate for grandchildren, and to be honest, I find the constant Facebook posts from some friends/ acquaintances/ neighbours gushing over their grandchildren, every fucking day, (with 20 odd photos per week of them on there) bloody exhausting and annoying. It's like they have nothing in their life, but the grandchildren, and assume everyone else is interested in them, and those who don't have them are a bit jealous! 🙄 I have had to unfollow a number of women for this reason.

And as pps have said, I find small children exhausting, and some of them plain annoying. (I did not find my own like this though, they were impeccably behaved! .... (Well, not bad kids/mostly quite easy.)

I was late 20s/early 30s when I had them so had much more patience and energy. I think it's a myth that older mothers have more patience and tolerance than younger mothers. I had WAY more tolerance, and patience when I was late 20s/early 30s when mine were little. I would have had ZERO if I had had them at 40-43.

tl;dr @DGConcerns Your mum sounds exhausting, and like really hard work. Why is she so desperate for a grandchild? Is her life quite empty? Does she have no friends, or hobbies, or a job? Anything???

When I was 16, my DM told me she had often been told that grandchildren were a mother’s reward. Just so I knew.

I was 33 when I met my dh, married at 35. When I was 38.5, she got her only gf. She went from “good things come to those who wait” to “good things come if you wait long enough “. So sadly, she died 3 years later. But my df waited just as long and is still here many years later and is a devoted gf.

Time is still on your side.

My parents would have loved for me to have children, they're both very family orientated. They tried not to put that pressure on me but it was obvious.

However that all changed a few years ago when they saw how burnt out many of their friends had become by virtue of being unpaid childcare. With most families needing a double income these days, new parents understandably need to lean on their own parents more than they did just a generation ago and I think that has changed the nature of grandparenting from something fun, sweet and cosy to something a little more aligned with the daily grind (not in all cases obviously, but for some).

DH and I are early 70's/late 60's.

We have one DD - 31 - who has severe learning difficulties and lives close by in excellent supported living.

Maybe it's because we have always known that our DD will always be like a 3 year old that we have never had the usual desire for GC. We adore being just the three of us plus DH and I can travel whenever we like knowing DD is always loved and very well supported whilst we are away.

Same here - mine are 23,21 and 16 and I’m more than happy to wait a while!

if they don’t have children that’s their choice and I’d be fine with that - I just want them to be happy.

My sister never wanted children and I did feel a little pressured by my mum but still didn’t have my first until 32.

My mum has 3 children, one grandchild (mine). He didn't arrive until I was nearly 40, and she was 67. They love each other dearly despite him being 17 and her coming 84.
It's never too OP, find a decent bloke first and see how it goes

I realise this may change but my DC is under 10 and the way the world is, if they decide not to have children I would feel slightly relieved. If they did, delightful! Babies are a gift etc etc. But if they didn’t, I wouldn’t blame them in the slightest.

I didn’t even meet my husband until I was 32! OP you have plenty of time if that’s what you want.

Bloody hell.
I hope my kids don't have babies just because they think I want them to ( I don't.....because
1- its their life, their choice
2- I might get asked to do childcare on a regular basis.......

I'm mid 60s and doubt there will be gc at all. Absolutely happy with that. Dh has some if I feel grandmotherly 😀
We don't do childcare as we work and have busy lives.

I’m in my 60s with 3 AC in their 30s and 20s, one being SEN.

I worry about the galloping climate change for them, as well as the state of world politics, and what life will be like for them. To bring a child into this would be one more worry. So I am secretly glad that it seems highly unlikely I’ll become a grandparent.

Plus - I’m no longer as maternal as I used to be and I’m making the most of my mobile and healthy years of retirement. Looking after small children is exhausting so not something I hanker for!

So OP - not everyone is like your dm. Maybe she is surrounded by people boring on about their grandkids and feels left out?

You are not even 30 yet.

OP, nobody has a right to have grandchildren (or children, come to that) and it's absolutely not your responsibility to provide them. Lots of people live extremely happy lives without grandchildren, as will she.

I'm 60 and I have no grandchildren, and never will. That's actually a huge relief - I don't have the stress of worrying about them, and no pressure to provide childcare in my retirement years 🙂

You must only have a child if you 100% want one yourself, regardless of your mother.

50s here and neither my brother or myself had kids (or even partners).
My parents were def a little bit wistful about it when we were younger but the older we got the more they accepted it.
TBH they feel the same way I do now, its not exactly a great time to be bringing up a child and the planet really doesnt need more people!

Gosh my mum had tú wait til mid 70s to get grand kids! She got married at 33 and she didn’t marry til I was 40. She was really too old to do a lot, though my Dad did babysit a few times. But she did love my kids.
My in laws couldn’t have cared less to be frank.

I would be upset but I know my dc want children and I want them to have what they want. I don’t think I’d be too troubled if they were fine with it.
Theres every chance you still have a lot of time if you do want it. It technically only takes 60 seconds or less to get pregnant. It’s just getting to that 60 seconds that can take time.