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Original poster

If you have family staying in yours/your children's rooms

64 replies

ishimbob · 13/08/2025 08:15

Settle a disagreement between me and DH!

If you have family staying (for a few days to a week) and you or your children are giving up their rooms, DH thinks you should pack a suitcase and get all the stuff that you might need out of the room for the duration so that you don't have to go in there.

I think - you should obviously take out the things you need on a daily basis (like your hairbrush), but it's fine to pop in once a day (at a time when you know you won't disturb them) to pick out clothes you need etc.

Who is right?

OP posts:
Bananachimp · 13/08/2025 08:17

I'd say take out everything you need. It's not particularly polite to offer a room but no privacy, for either them or their belongings. I appreciate you're giving up a room but that doesn't make it right to keep nipping in.

JamesWebbSpaceTelescope · 13/08/2025 08:17

Depends on how long the person is staying. One or two nights I would probably take the expected clothes, longer than that then might have to pop in, but as you say when it is convenient.

TheNightingalesStarling · 13/08/2025 08:17

If you are moving into a small spare room, or kids sharing... then yes, you can take everything (just popping i for something forgotten).

If you are sleeping on the sofa, saying you need the room for a bit for dressing etc maybe necessary

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Families
Slimagain · 13/08/2025 08:18

The second obviously . Your DH is being a bit precious . (I’m guessing it’s his mum or other relative in there. ?) . New occupant should be exceptionally accommodating on the basis that someone has given up their bedroom for them .

Original poster
ishimbob · 13/08/2025 08:20

JamesWebbSpaceTelescope · 13/08/2025 08:17

Depends on how long the person is staying. One or two nights I would probably take the expected clothes, longer than that then might have to pop in, but as you say when it is convenient.

Yes - I mean when someone is staying 4-7 nights really.

I just don't particularly want to feel like I can't choose a different outfit if it's hotter than expected or whatever.

OP posts:
MamaElephantMama · 13/08/2025 08:20

I think they should book a hotel if they want full privacy but I really dislike that kids have to vacate their rooms for family. It’s their space before anybody else.

SupposesRoses · 13/08/2025 08:20

It doesn’t need to be all or nothing but guests get greater comfort with your husband’s approach than with yours, so I would take what you need for the whole stay as far as you can predict it.

InMyHealthyEra · 13/08/2025 08:21

I’m in this exact situation at the moment, I have my mother visiting and she’ll be sleeping in mine & DPs bedroom. I’ll be bringing the essentials downstairs like my phone charger, baby monitor and my book but I’ll still be going in in the evening to get clean clothes for my shower and for the next day. I don’t want to have 4 days worth of clothing piled up somewhere downstairs.

KhakiOrca · 13/08/2025 08:21

Team Husband.

Withdjsns · 13/08/2025 08:23

I’ve wondered this as have various people staying over the summer. I’m never organised enough to take everything out that is needed the and the kids want their toys; I don’t know if it bothers people but we only have family over and until someone says anything I’m not sure it will change

Bitzee · 13/08/2025 08:24

Ideally take it all out but it should be fine to pop in when the room is unoccupied if on day 3 DC wants a book they hadn’t thought of before, or if on day 5 the weather forecast has changed and you need to grab another jumper. If the family member isn’t ok with that then they’d be best to book a hotel.

comoatoupeira · 13/08/2025 08:25

So much depends on the personality of your guests. I’ve had to learn over the years how precious many people are compared to me. You just have to adapt.

Original poster
ishimbob · 13/08/2025 08:39

SupposesRoses · 13/08/2025 08:20

It doesn’t need to be all or nothing but guests get greater comfort with your husband’s approach than with yours, so I would take what you need for the whole stay as far as you can predict it.

I agree it would be greater comfort for them but I guess I feel like it's fine to have a balance between our comfort and theirs? And having guests is a lot of work as it is so I don't feel like I need to add to it by moving lots of things around my house unnecessarily.

I think it does influence me a bit that we live in a fairly central area of London so people who visit us are saving a lot of money on hotels by staying with us - which is fine and they are genuinely very welcome - but it's not so much that we have begged them to come and stay as that they have asked to come and stay and do some tourism

OP posts:
Tumblingthrough · 13/08/2025 08:41

If I was the guest I would feel embarrassed if you felt you couldn’t pop in and get things

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 13/08/2025 08:43

@ishimbob London does have hotels, you know!! I would never expect my children to give up their room for any visitor and I would not be giving up my room either. if they have to stay then it would be a blow up bed in the lounge!!!

Hepslan · 13/08/2025 08:44

I'd say DH's approach is being a better host. However I say that as a rubbish host and I never invite people to stay. We live in central London too and anyone wanting to visit can stay at the hotel on our road.

Lockdownsceptic · 13/08/2025 08:47

Neither of you is right, neither is wrong. They are simply two different opinions. Do what causes least stress in the household.

MimiSunshine · 13/08/2025 08:47

No way would I be packing a suitcase as if I’m going away for a week and putting every last thing I could think of that I may need.
just to stay in another room, possibly the sofa, in my own house.

if I had guests staying any length of time, they’d be family and while I wouldn’t be in and out of the room they’re using while they’re in there. I would go in as needed.

if they want completely private space where they can leave all their stuff around and no one else enters then they book a hotel.
if they want to stay with family, they should accept that it’s all a bit of a communal space for a week.

in my house that would the case

Iloveacurry · 13/08/2025 08:49

From your update, then I wouldn’t give up my room. They’ve not really come to visit you. Nor have you invited them.

Elseaknows · 13/08/2025 08:49

Sounds like an absolute nightmare.
I think both approaches are ridiculous. How about no one gives up their rooms? Children especially.
This could actually be because I don't expect my children to give up their space unless in an emergency situation. (And then I'd say your approach would be more my style).

Original poster
ishimbob · 13/08/2025 08:50

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 13/08/2025 08:43

@ishimbob London does have hotels, you know!! I would never expect my children to give up their room for any visitor and I would not be giving up my room either. if they have to stay then it would be a blow up bed in the lounge!!!

I understand that point of view.

We only give up our room for MIL because she cannot manage the steps to our spare room and we want her to stay and have time with our children.

Our children are quite happy to share if it means they get their cousins to stay. If they really disliked doing it, I would absolutely re think it

We get a lot of people asking to come and stay - we don't say yes to everyone, just people we want to spend time with

OP posts:
TheignT · 13/08/2025 08:50

TheNightingalesStarling · 13/08/2025 08:17

If you are moving into a small spare room, or kids sharing... then yes, you can take everything (just popping i for something forgotten).

If you are sleeping on the sofa, saying you need the room for a bit for dressing etc maybe necessary

Very good points.

Elseaknows · 13/08/2025 08:53

I do think you are doing a lovely thing, you are saving them a fortune. But if it's stressful moving stuff around then I'm with you. You are allowing them to stay in your home. Your DH needs to remember you're doing them a favour and you aren't rummaging through their stuff or actually disturbing anyone.

Wish44 · 13/08/2025 08:54

I think if you are comfortable enough with these people to give up your rooms for them then they should feel comfortable enough for you to come in to your room to get things.

if I had guests who I did this for and then they got arsey about me coming in to get things then they wouldn’t get invited again.

I have been a house guest at lots of friends houses and hosts come abs go in the room… once the husband came in to get a shirt in the morning and i was stil in bed. He stopped for a chat too! ( nothing creepy btw)

oh to have a spare room.

Noshadelamp · 13/08/2025 08:56

We've hosted mil the last few years (older dc) like this and never packed a whole bag for the DC for a week.

If I was a guest in a DC's room I wouldn't think anything of them using their room during the day when I wasn't in it.

Is just being grateful I have a bed.

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