If you have family staying in yours/your children's rooms

[ishimbob]

Settle a disagreement between me and DH!

If you have family staying (for a few days to a week) and you or your children are giving up their rooms, DH thinks you should pack a suitcase and get all the stuff that you might need out of the room for the duration so that you don't have to go in there.

I think - you should obviously take out the things you need on a daily basis (like your hairbrush), but it's fine to pop in once a day (at a time when you know you won't disturb them) to pick out clothes you need etc.

Who is right?

Somewhere between the two: don’t plan to go in daily, but OK to get something occasionally.

This
My room is my private space, I wouldn't give it up.
Why would you disadvantage yourself so that others don't have to pay for a hotel?

It’s your home, of course you can go in. I normally say, I need to get something out of the cupboard in your room, ok? But only when they are not in there.

In between. I take what I can think of which usually does about 3 days and then I pop in and do another grab for the next few days.

If the weather turned cold and I needed a sweater or something, of course I’d pop in.

Why would you disadvantage yourself so that others don't have to pay for a hotel

Kindness, generosity, love and affection, you know - those old-fashioned values.

I prefer that they learn to be hospitable and generous. A few nights on a mattress in the floor is not a big deal in my view.

DD vacates her room when my parents come over who live abroad. It’s usually for 5 days max, but she takes her day to day stuff like toiletries and then goes in and out to get clothes, unless it’s a school day or she’s out early. My parents don’t care about her popping in and out, it’s her room and they’re just grateful not to have to pay for a hotel.

So do you sleep on a mattress on the floor?

I'd be with DH but at the same time it's not a big deal to enter the room, but I think you need to say it to the occupant before you go in and not just nip in and out. Once a day or so is fair enough

I would never have family staying.

There’s no way I would pack a suitcase and move out of my own room 🫣

But then I find it really odd to have family staying over when you don’t actually have a spare room or the space for them to stay without kicking other people out of their rooms, so maybe I’m not the best person to ask 🤣

I would expect to be able to go in during the daytime when they're not in there. I stayed with my aunt a couple of years ago. She kindly gave me her room but I would rather have just taken one of the spare rooms as she would constantly come in and out to use the en suite bathroom and to get her things. It didn't occur to her I may want privacy.

It would depend on the guest for me. If it were my mother or sister I would only take the essentials as I’d be constantly in and out of the room chatting to them while we both got ready, etc. Both my mother and sister would probably be trying on or borrowing my clothes!

Anyone else I’d remove as much as possible to give them privacy and would always check if it was ok to go in and grab something.

I am kind, generous and hospitable but no-one is sleeping in my room!
I would feel like my privacy was invaded
Hard no!

They can be very generous and hospitable without being banished from their own personal space for a week.

I have done this from time to time.

It’s fine to pop back in but I would always say first

I wouldn't ever offer up my child's room to someone else - I cannot believe people think that's ok. 😒

Well I completely disagree with you. I think it's fine and teaches them good values in life.

If someone is happy for you to give up your room to them, they clearly aren’t an “always put others first” type of person themselves. So I wouldn’t be bending over backwards to make sure I didn’t step foot in “their” room.

And if they are happy to see all your personal possessions (because they are in your room), why wouldn’t it be ok for you to see their personal possessions when you pop back in and get changed?

I mean probably best to give them warning in case they want to tidy away their underwear etc but I can’t see on what basis they could really object.

The values I'm thinking of are to share, be generous, hospitable, community and family minded, value company, be open hearted, and be flexible.

I think everyone has personal boundaries surrounding privacy.
It doesn't mean someone who values and respects their own personal space is hostile, uncharitable and a poor host.
On the contrary, you read about nightmare visits on here all the time
Usually they are all crammed into a far too small space to avoid hotels etc and the Op is at breaking point with it.

Far better all round -if you dont have a guest room, don't have guests .
It just leads to tension and stress
I have 2 guest rooms and am an impeccable, welcoming host 😌

We gave up our bedroom when PIL came over, no way I let someone over 75/80 sleep on a sofa bed.

We always popped in around dinner time to get fresh clothes for the next day. I think that's absolute acceptable, it's a time where they would normally be downstairs so it's not that I would walk in when they were relaxing/sleeping or whatever.

Personally I wouldn't expect to have to remove all my clothes for the week etc if I'd generously given up my bedroom for someone to sleep in as a favour.

That being said, it depends who the guest is. If it was a mum/sister/grandparents /anyone I was very familiar with then I'd expect to be able to pop in and grab clothes etc each day once they were up and out. If it was for example, my husband's friend who was staying and I didn't know them well then I'd probably be more conservative and try and take a few days' worth - but I still would expect to be able to enter a room to grab essentials as long as they weren't in there at the time.

I think your approach is the more realistic one. If you're saving money by staying in a person's house it's not going to be the same as having a hotel room.