Would you go on holiday the week your child gets their A level results?

[NoNameisGoodEnough]

I'm curious what people's opinions are about this.

DD gets her A level results this week. I have had the date in the calendar for months and ensured that the day was clear. I know DD might disappear off to the pub or whatever and probably won't need us but I wanted to ensure I'd be around to celebrate / support / whatever is necessary.

Someone I know is going on holiday this week, without their 18 year old, leaving them to get their results by themselves.

To me, this seems really awful. However, DD is our only. We both work in education so can be around. It might well be that I am the weird one for being so involved! When I got mine, my mum was at work, fair enough, so I called her to tell her my results and then we went out for a meal that evening.

I just wondered if anyone else would book a holiday for the week their child gets results.

I absolutely wouldn’t. Unless there are extenuating circumstances - military leave, funeral in a foreign country - I really don’t understand why you would leave them. I know my son will go off and celebrate with friends, but in those initial moments he will want me to be proud of him/commiserate with him/support him if everything has gone totally wrong. It would’t occur to me not to be there after two years supporting him through his GCSEs. All of the loving parents I know will be doing exactly the same as me.

When DD collected her GCSE results, we went to the school with her but she made us wait in the car park.

Yes us too, (GCSE) even though he just dived home to show us results tell us school were asking for remarks on 3 subjects and than went to the beach with his mates. DH and I went out for lunch 😋
Will do them same next year.
We had an early holiday and will again.

I wouldn't have particularly minded if my parents had gone on holiday and we are very close!

My parents left me at home alone for GCSE results (25yrs ago), and I had to go in to collect them solo. They booked a holiday and didn't really give me a choice.

I'd moved out and was living independently by A-level results.

My dc went with friends to collect their GCSE results, and had an issue with being 1 mark away from a grade boundary. Couldn't have sorted it if I'd not been there.

Will be around for them for results this week in case they don't meet their 1st choice offer, though hoping it will just be to celebrate.

At the time I said that I was okay dealing with exam results alone, but in hindsight it made me feel quite unsupported by my family (even though I had a great time having the house to myself at 16!)

Yes. Those of us who do things differently in our own families are unloving parents. Shame on us.

So many judgemental comments on this thread. Not all families are the same. Not all teenagers are the same. Not all A-level students are planning to go to University.

I was at home when I got my A Level results. I have a feeling my parents might have been away but I can’t remember. And the fact that I can’t remember suggests that whatever they did or didn’t do has not had any lasting impact on me. I had a good and close relationship with them and I miss them terribly.

I am going to step away from this thread (again) and try and stay off so that I can spend some time reflecting on what a terribly inadequate mother I have been. 😂

But I think the fact you can’t remember probably reflects the fact they were there. Just like I don’t vividly remember my mom attending all my school plays, but i do recall the one she wasn’t at. So much of parenting is just being quietly, thanklessly there. Because our kids just expect us to be, because we always are. That’s the kind of peace of mind that I want my kids to have. That I will just know what’s important to them and that I’ll be there. They will only have exam results of this magnitude a couple of days in their lives. Surely being by their side is what we signed up for? See it as judgement if you want, but that’s just my thought process.

I do see it as a judgement, yes, because you are still not taking into account that individuals and families are not all the same as each other.

I have made some efforts over the years as a parent. I did extended breastfeeding, co-sleeping and gave up my career for several years to be at home with them. People judged me for those things too 🤷🏼‍♀️ I went to every play, every sports day, every assembly and awards presentation. Every parents evening and open day. My children and I are close.

As for assuming my parents were home when I got my results- like I said I have a feeling they were away. The reason I can’t remember is that a) It didn’t matter and b) It was 30 years ago.

The only thing I do remember is running round the garden and hearing my brother on the phone saying ‘She’s doing a victory lap of the garden’ which makes me think that he was probably talking to our parents who were evidently not at home. They would have been very surprised that I had passed (as was I 😂)

There's a world of difference between not physically going into school with them and not being around at all though. I didn't go into the building with any of my DC for any of their results and nor did most parents. I think the few who did go in and hover whilst their DC opened the envelopes were seen as something of an embarrassment by their kids to be honest. But like most, I was there if needed. Fortunately in each case for us they came back to the car, happily shared their news and were off with their friends before I could say "well done", but had there been problems I think they'd have been glad I was there. Admittedly we live 20 miles from school. Were we in walking distance I would have just waited at home, but I would have ensured at least one parent was immediately available in the event of unexpected issues.
"Being there" doesn't have to mean physically being in the building, especially as your children grow up. I made sure I was around on the day my elder DS's degree results came out in fact. He didn't "need" me and I certainly didn't stand behind him whilst he opened them but I didn't want him to be alone on a day like that if he needed someone.

No I wouldn’t. I’ve always taken the day off for exam results, fifth year in a row this year. We plan something, a walk and lunch, brunch, drive to the beach etc., either to celebrate or take their minds off things.

I wouldn’t. I want to be here to celebrate or support, depending on results. I have 3 kids and between them we’ve had/ will be having GCSE and/or A-Level results every year between 2022 and 2029. We plan our holidays around them. This year is a bumper year for us as we have Year 11 and Year 13 results. We’ve been on our abroad holiday already and go camping in the UK the day after Yr 11 results.

Definitely not - DD got her A levels last year and although she got into her 2nd choice uni with no issues there were still elements that she needed support for, not just practical but emotional. Wouldn't even have considered either me or her being away for it

Yes, we are in fact heading on holiday in Wednesday, day before results. Taking the teens with us though. DD didn't want to collect from school in any case, and she has a gap year planned, so no biggie. Will apply next year grades in hand.

I had to phone my mum when mine arrived, from an old red pay phone in the middle of nowhere near Daventry. She had to read out my appalling result (including failing maths). Fortunately I had an unconditional offer from my second choice so it was all fine.

East Anglia, I grew up in the same town and collecting results wasn't a thing then either, they were posted. There are a couple of schools who court publicity that invite their high achievers in for photo shoots so it looks like they have gone in to collect

No but most years I see hoards of kids going to collect their results on their own.

DD2 will be going in to get her GCSE results alone - but we around 10 minuets away at home and nearer if she requests and there to pick up a phone and walk to her if she needs that.

DS will likely head in - but they send results out via the college system so they all know first thing - but they have a leaving session/party drinks buffet where staff will be around to say goodbeye to or to give advice if needed.

I think many parents have to lurk nearby when it is go in and get. Older two got GCSE results via e-mail - DD chose going in.

In Scotland results have never been collected at the school, they come in the post. Nowadays you can also sign up for a text message that arrives at 8am on SQA results day (Nat 5 & Highers come out the same day). So maybe the person you were being rude to is Scottish and is surprised the results are distributed by the school rather than the exam board, it certainly was a shock to me when my eldest had to collect her GCSE results and couldn't sign up to get them emailed or posted.

We did…but all of us, so my daughter was with me in France. We had arranged for a friend to collect her results and call. It was all good 🤷‍♀️

This thread is making me reflect on how much more involved parents are now compared to when I was a teen 30+ years ago. I have no clue where my parents were when I got either my A-Level or GCSE results. I don't know if it would have occurred to them to be available all day or not.

Was chatting with friends the other day about how parents go to uni open days now. Mine definitely didn't come with me to any open days in the early 90s.

Not sure if it's a good thing or a bad thing, but it is interesting. I think we were much more independent and self sufficient, but perhaps not.

I was working away from home at a summer camp when I got my A level results (earning money for uni). Phoned my parents to tell them and that was it. I can’t imagine they were hovering anxiously by the phone, and I certainly didn't ‘need’ them in any way.
I also went to uni open days on my own. Wouldn’t have occurred to any of us that I shouldn’t.
I am old though (Gen X) and do think things have changed. I was also brought up working class and I do think parenting is often different with different classes.

So Gen x? Just the small matter of no uni fees and that you could get on to most courses with fairly average A-levels - so totally different then?

My parents did open days with me - DH didn't - both working class families.

My parents weren't only one there - but there were more without that was mid 90s.

DH lecturer say it has shifted these days rare students come without parents.

We've tended to do open day with the kids - but send them to offer days alone. DD1 attracted attention going to offer day alone - staff kept checking she was okay - DS did same and didn't and said a few were there alone.

I don't remember offer days though do remember an interview at first choice - and Dad traveling with me.

I think the stakes are very different now. It used to be that most of the jeopardy with getting a uni place was in securing the offer. You could study Medicine or Law at a top 10 uni with an offer of BBB - as long as you'd had the offer. Now, you might need A star AA for a top 20 Maths degree that might have been BBC or even EE back then, if they'd liked you at interview. There is much more jeopardy in results day, more students who don't meet their grades and need to navigate decision making and clearing. The internet also makes everything more urgent and pressured - clearing places go in hours.

In my day my results came by post. 8am collection wasn't an option. I can't remember if mine arrived on the Thursday or if they'd have been posted on the Thurs and arrived with me Fri, but I do remember my friend's results simply didn't arrive until a day later than the rest of us. It all happened at a different pace. I don't think it is that helpful to hark back to what our parents did in such different circumstances 30 years ago. The world is very different now, and I think it's much tougher on young people.

I'm doing my PhD at a university in the north of England and am sometimes around on open days. It's fun, and rather moving to see the reactions of parents when they encounter the library - all seven floors of it, with banks of computers and more books than many of them will have been privileged enough to see in their lives. (They're quite right - the first time I saw it, I was instantly smitten and didn't want to leave.) The expressions on some of their children suggest that they're thinking, "yeah, library, where the books hang out. Cool. Can we go and check out where the beer and crisps live?"

I did all my open days on my own and am pleased I did, because it pushed me into doing things for myself in unfamiliar places. I certainly wasn't naturally independent and self-sufficient. Just as much to the point I don't think my parents would have been at ease, my Dad particularly; they valued education more than many people who've grown up with loads of it, but they'd had uncomfortable and unpleasant experiences in formal education settings. A public library or the Scrabble board were their milieu; a university not so much.

More teens to get their choice of uni even if they miss their grades, says Ucas

It to do with grabbing funding for UK students as they hit finacial pressures.

However I do agree it does seem to all move faster now - I had to wait till mid morning for results and then afternoon after work shift to find out if they were rejecting or accepting me. with DD1 we knew she was accepted and her results by just after 8 am.

Yes this is a fair point (although quite aggressively made - the poster did acknowledge that times have changed!) about how the stakes are a lot higher now with fees and the need for higher grades as @Aspidistree says.