A holiday one - is there a way to avoid canceling?

[OopsNoHoliday]

Family holiday starts on Sunday - me, dh, and 2 kids plus PiL.

A week in Devon, about 3 hours drive, staying all together in a single-storey lodge. Plan was to be out and about doing activities and day trips. Weather forecast is fab.

But - I broke my leg badly this week and am advised I shouldn’t sit in one position for more than 30 mins.

I told dh id be perfectly ok staying at home quietly while the rest of the family go. I have friends and neighbours if I get in difficulty. Dh is point blank refusing to go without me, which is sweet. But he wants to drag me along! And says the entire family will cancel if I can’t come. My kids will be heartbroken and seems so unfair on PiL. All my compromises have been rejected so far but what do you all think? Is there a way to make this work? Should I just go against medical advice and my own preference and and go? I’d be so careful at home, I can’t see why it’s not safe - loads of people survive alone with a limb in a cast.

thanks for any ideas

Yes do that.

If you are that vulnerable from the injury (which is totally understandable) I can see why he doesn’t want to leave you. Can anyone come and stay with you?

Agree - the issue is not wanting to leave you alone - is there a friend or sibling who could stay with you, at least the first couple of days.

I would go on the holiday. It’s single story which is lucky and you can still be part of the holiday, even if you’re not going out with them.

good idea to ask PiL to drive the kids!

I wouldn’t do the train. It will be difficult getting on/off and navigating the stations and moving around when the train is going sounds difficult with a broken leg. I love trains and use them often but the car is definitely easier for you

I wouldn’t attempt such a long journey in August, you could be delayed for hours and very uncomfortable in the car. Ask DH to set you up with everything you need at home and arrange for someone close by to check you every day. You need rest more than entertainment.

Some thoughts that might help:

Having a broken leg sucks. Whether that’s being incapacitated away from home, and with extra relatives around to witness your vulnerability, or being home alone. It’ll properly suck either way because you’ve badly broken your leg.

Hospitals and 111 exist all over the UK, so you're not losing access to medical services if you need them.

Travel, a train car combo might be a good option. Red Cross hire wheel chairs in most areas to help with covering the distance. Book two advance reserved seats for yourself (plus more seats for anyone who’s coming with you) and assistance. Do the train only for the bit that’s straight forward and works well. Get dropped off and Dont do the fiddly connections.

Or, find a hotel with spa treatments half way, and book in on the way down and up so you can go and lie on one of their loungers for a good chunk in the middle each way.

I was going to suggest the train too. Book special assistance and staff will help you at the station and on and off trains.

I'd be pretty angry that he'd prefer you to travel in this situation or disappoint the children rather than respect your decision and go with his parents. Why does he know better than you what you should do.

@Doingmybest12 I’m not angry, I’m anxious. I thought me staying home was such a simple and sensible solution - but dh is worried I won’t be safe at night if I get up to go to the loo. I don’t want him to be worried sick, I’m trying to work out if it’s rational to be so worried about me. I will not be going out, or up and down stairs.

Is there someone who could come stay with you at home?
I wouldn’t want to go. The journey will be uncomfortable and it will be harder being in an unknown property. Plus you would presumably be sat alone at the property while they go out but without home comforts and probably more at risk of doing yorself a mischief.

I had a bad ankle break and, knowing what I know now: don’t do it. Not so soon after the break, no way. If you get swelling, you will really really regret it and once it’s started you’ll want your own home comforts while it wears off.

My DH went on a work trip during my operation and the week after actually, and I relied on my parents and a friend popping in twice a day to make me a decent meal and do bits and bobs round the house. I recall that I did need those pop ins.

Like you, I’d want my family to go without me. Don’t know what you can say to compel them.

I've (unfortunately) had a lot of experience with hip and leg surgeries and serious injuries, so I understand what you mean when you say you just want to be in your space and not have all the unknowns just to sit around the holiday let while they either go out without you or work to try to include you.

Acknowledge your DH's caring intentions, but tell him very clearly that what you want and need is to stay home in your own space and rest in peace while he and PIL take the kids. If he argues, calmly point out that you are an adult and ignoring what you believe is best for you is infantilizing, not supportive. Then turn the discussion to making arrangements for you to be safe and cared for at home.

Do you have a smart watch that you will commit to wearing so you always have the ability to call for help? Are you willing to use a zimmer instead of crutches while alone? Can a friend come stay or come every evening (or schedule a rotation of people)? Even if they need to leave during the day to work, knowing you will have ample help coming soon makes it easier to rest and be cautious in the interim. Ask him to address changes that can be made around the house to help - clearing rugs, shifting furniture, stocking the kitchen with low-prep foods, setting up a place for you to sleep on the main floor if possible, night lights in the bedroom and bathroom, a raised toilet seat, non-slip mats, etc.

And I don’t get the train suggestion. You’ll need to elevate your leg. Which you really can’t guarantee on the train.

Could you take the train? Rest of them drive

@TakeMeToKernow if you book an accessible seat there will be space to prop it up on your bag, I know because I had to do it!

My DM has recently been in a similar situation. She broke her leg miles from home and I had to go and rescue her. She was desperate to get home to her own environment. She lives alone so stayed downstairs and didn’t leave the house. She had friends coming in to check on her every day and used a commode at night to save manoeuvring to the toilet when half asleep. If you persuade him you will be ok at home I think that might be your best option. Also - don’t underestimate public transport with a broken leg, we had to go on and off the ferry as foot passengers and it was tiring for both of us, even with a wheelchair.

PILs drive down with the kids and you get the train?

Great minds think alike!

I don't think his anxiety is in line with the situation of you staying home when you feel this is right for you and you are a competent adult .

Isn’t the reason why they say not to sit in one position is to reduce the risk of a dvt? So that rules out the travel completely.

Therefore, I feel you should stay at home.

https://www.buckshealthcare.nhs.uk/pifs/leg-casts-and-blood-clots-reducing-the-risks/

Found this leaflet about it.

It doesn’t - she can get the train and move regularly

The train could be an option if you travel with a sensible companion.

I grew up in Devon and return often. Feel free to DM me with the name of the place where you’re staying in Devon and I will tell you what the nearest stations are like to navigate with impaired mobility.

I’d go and just plan extra stops on the journey.